Castiel and Dean a love story
by Erin Elric
Summary: A series of one shots exploring Cas and Dean's relationship. Each story takes place in different points in the show and are typically not connected to one another
1. Chapter 1

Cas and Dean a Love Story

Not human

Dean was in his bed; sweat pooled on his face and ran down his back. His breathing was fast and his heart rate was elevated. And not in a fun way he had to add. He let out a groan and whipped his forehead with the back of his sleeve. It was another long night, a night full of nightmares. He rolled over and looked at the clock it was about three in the morning. He sighed.

He had another nightmare. Given his line of work truly that wasn't uncommon. They ranged the gambit from fighting the monster of the week, to the world ending, to Sam dying, or mom, or Cas. The worst ones yet was one were one of them were after him. He shuddered. This time it was the Cas trying to kill him in his dreams. It was odd he knew that it was a dream but it was still unnerving. He blinked and tried not to remember the dream but it would not die easily. He could see it now. He was searching for Cas in the Bunker; he remembers finding him in the library. The angel of lord issued a very familiar 'Hello Dean' and then he walked up to him. Arms outstretched, and Dean like a fool goes for the hug. After all Cas is his boyfriend he feels safe with Cas protected. In the dream Cas then caresses his face then grabs his head and bam one dead Dean.

Dean shuttered again. He hated those dreams. It was like his mind was constantly trying to remind him; hey by the way your boyfriend isn't human. He's more than capable of killing you with a thought.

" _We kill the monsters, son."_ He heard he's father's voice echo in his head. Disapproving of his current life style. Dean smirked to himself. Boy John Winchester would be proud of him now. Not only was he involved with a man, he was with an angel. He could hear him now:

" _Son we kill the monsters."_

"Cas isn't a monster." He argued with himself. He rubbed his face and shook his head. Cas was Cas. He was kind and loveable, sweet and caring, romantic and clues, innocent and… dangerous. That last word hung on his mind like laundry on the line. It wore on him. He rubbed his face again. Like everything in the world wanted him to know to understand that Cas could kill him. He wrung his hands the sweat long dried off and cooled his back making his shirt stick to him.

He frowned and got out of bed. He took off his black shirt tossed it on the floor and pulled another one over his head. He knew he wasn't going to go back to sleep tonight. He looked at his TV and thought about watching Netflix and soon changed his mind. No he wanted to see Cas.

He headed out of his room and walked down the hall to Cas's room. He and Sam decided to give him the room furthest from him as the angel never slept. Usually Cas would watch TV or read but he was always worried about bothering someone so he chosen the room furthest from them. Dean stopped in front of the door he could hear the TV playing on the other side. With a soft rap he knocked on the door. He heard shuffling and soon the door was open.

Stood before Dean was Castiel, Angel of the Lord, black hair and blue eyes his boyfriend. "Dean what are you doing up? It's far too early?" He's voice gruff and gravely and deep and yet it was soft and gentle. Dean could never figure out how a man with such a serious sounding voice could at times sound so sweet.

"I couldn't sleep." Dean stated and Cas stepped aside for him and ushered him in. "I just thought that I could come hang out with you." He had to work up the nerve to talk to Cas. If Dean was being honest his dream was bothering him more than it should have. He walked over to the couch in Cas's room and sat down.

The angel's eyes narrowed. A trait that Dean had noticed very quickly meant he was thinking. Dean also noticed that Cas did that a lot especially around him. He always felt like he was constantly assessing him, watching and studying him. Dean honestly couldn't tell if it bothered him or not. Being under the angel's microscope at first was odd and creepy, soon it felt like flattery eventually he learned to love it being one of the man's many quirks. Said odd angel sat beside him still with his eyes on him. "Is something the matter Dean?" He asked so formally. His head tilted slightly, lips pursed. "Is this a 'booty call'?" He asked and used air quotes.

"No Cas no I'm just…"

Cas studied him his eyes unblinking and he nodded. "I shall give you a moment to process your thoughts then." He unpaused the show he was watching.

Dean worked in his mind. How was he to go about talking to Cas about the nightmare? He studied the man, his angel. Ever pouting lips, frown lines and crow's feet, and an occasional smile when something cute happened on the show. Dean could honestly say watching Cas watch TV was more entertaining than whatever the angel was watching. The light of the TV bounced off of Cas's big blue eyes. Dean found himself many of times getting lost in those blue eyes. The big sapphire beauties they were.

" _That's not really him son, he's in a meat suite. That's someone's husband and father and he took him from them."_ He's dad's voice echoed in his mind. It was the hunter half of him the little part of him that lead him to having nightmares of his boyfriend killing him in his sleep. The little voice that berated him for putting Cas's life above that of Jimmy Novak's. The one that called him pathetic when he was happy to learn the human had long died and gone to heaven. Dean if he actually thought about it was a little weirded out by the situation. While Jimmy's body was attractive he remembered when he seen him when Cas wasn't involved. Like when he was dragged back to heaven or when they were in the world where they were TV show characters while they had the same faces as Cas they weren't Cas. He often found himself in the realization that it was more than an attractive face; he loved Cas for being Cas. There was something about the way he lit up the human, he's eyes were brighter and yet dull, he's expressions unnatural but natural, he's voice; God his voice. He often wondered how Ca's voice was so deep; what did his real voice sound like? Given how gruff he sounded in control it had to be deep… sexy even.

He studied the angel to work up the nerve to talk to him. Like really actually talk to him. He wondered through his mind the possible scenarios that could take place. He felt something touch his knee and noticed that Cas had laid his hand on it. Cas was still focused on the TV more so than him. Cas's laser like focus was also interesting and like any real person TV would grab ahold of him. Dean smiled to himself and laid his and on Cas's and took it.

Although Dean knew that there was a being of celestial indentions under the skin of the man once known as Jimmy Novak he can't help but notice how human Cas has become. He remembered for a while Cas looked like he had literally just woke up or homeless. He's strange expressions, messy hair, rumbled suit that tie oh man that tie. Dean fixed it more times that he could think of. Cas's rumbled look just added to his otherworldliness. He's mannerisms all of it was just strange. Now Cas can almost pass for human. Key word being almost.

" _Ain't anything human about that thing boy. You're in love with a monster. You kill monsters!"_ That nagging feeling came back. Dean sighed and Cas looked at him; Dean's breath was caught in his throat those blue eyes stared right at him; eyes squinted into that little frown that he does when he's thinking. Cas's thinking face he called it, way different than confused Cas. Dean opens his mouth to speak but Cas cuts him off.

A graceful hand gently touches his face. "I sense your unease Dean." He rubbed Dean's cheek which made Dean feel extremely happy. Warmness washed over him. "Would you like to try to talk about it now?"

Dean started at him. The angel just looked at him and waited. Dean opened his mouth to speak and thought about how confessing was a lot easier, thought about how their first kiss was even easier. "I…"

"I know you expressing feelings is hard. I know something is wrong because usually you do not wonder into my room." Cas was right usually if Dean got worked up enough at night the angel could sense his longing and show up in his room. Which was enduring and creepy at the same time that he knew when he wanted to see him. "I can sense your longing now, I know it's a longing to tell me or ask me something."

"I had a nightmare that you killed me." The words tumbled out of Dean's mouth with ease. He reached for Cas's hand on his face but the angel took it away. Too soon, his face felt cold now with the large hand gone.

"You had a nightmare that I killed you?" Cas looked taken aback. "What an awful thing to dream. You do know I would never hurt you…" He frowned. Truth was Cas had done it before. More than a few times Dean's life was in the hands of the angel, a creature more than capable of killing him a hundred times over. The angel faltered and paused in search of the right words before he finally said. "I would never hurt you again. At least not by choice."

Dean nodded. "I know that sweetheart." He reached out for Cas's hand and Cas took it. It was odd for him to call him a pet name it sounded foreign in his mouth. He always called Cas well Cas a few times Castiel but rarely if ever a baby or a sweetheart. Somehow those names just didn't work with Cas it seemed odd. He did try out calling him angel but every time he did Cas would say 'yes I am an angel Dean.' Dean rubbed his fingers over Ca's knuckles that actually didn't belong to Cas. He looked into his eyes his human but not yet human expression looked back at him. Dean felt his throat dry up. It could be easy he could just kiss Cas, take him to bed and forget the whole thing but…

" _It's not human."_ The inner hunter reminded him. He licked his lips and Cas just looked at him eyes squinting every once in a while.

"Does it…" He started then cleared his thought. He couldn't just say to him, 'look man I just now realized you aren't human.' That would be rude and hurtful to the other man err not man if he was getting technical.

"Does it what Dean?" He asked. Dean feared the angel would get annoyed and read his mind. He made him swear he would stop doing that a long time ago and he didn't want him to start up again.

"Have you ever thought about how… how we aren't the same?"

Cas bless him he tilted his head. "You are a male and my vessel is male…" He blinked a few times and frowned. Frown lines ran deep and Dena could tell the angel picked up what he was trying to ask. "Are you asking does it bother me that you are a human?"

Dean frowned. "Yeah… I've been thinking a lot about it tonight." He rung his hands feeling the intensity of his stare heart heavy throat tight he should have gotten a beer. "See uh man… its tough with my upbringing you know."

Cas blinked again. Face remaining about the same. "Because of your father would not approve of us?"

There it was like an arrow shot in a bulls eye. The words that hung out on the line. He bit his lip it was what was eating at him. He's father John Winchester would not approve of him dating a man and especially an angel. "Yeah dad would… he would…" He's chest tightened. If his father had came back instead of his mother the mess that would have followed. He could see it now. He frowned and shook his head. "Cas I am going to be point blank here. He would have killed you."

Cas flinched then frowned. "Your mother isn't bothered by us." He stated and pointed in-between them. "Nor Sam."

Dean smiled. "Hell Sam was the one that started this but… see every time I have that dream the dream were you kill him it's like I can hear him," He pointed at his head. "Like a nagging feeling that I'm…" He shook his head.

"You feel guilty?" Cas asked his face dropped into a sad frown.

"Yeah it's tough okay. I was taught to kill the monsters and well my brain likes to remind me that you aren't human." He bit his lip. "See to my dad to well most if not all hunters if it ain't human you kill it. You certainly don't date it, let it in your bed, kiss it, make love to it or watch Netflix with it." He felt bad for calling Cas an 'it' then reminded himself that technically the angel had no gender.

Cas let out a sigh then said. "In the angel community… what you and I have become is a crime."

Dean blinked. "Why you little law breaker." He said with a smirk. Cas was breaking rules to be with him. It was kind of hot.

"Well the rules are in place so to prevent the creation of Nephilim." He gave a shrug. "Given my vessel and that you're a male we aren't doing that but it is still frowned upon." He reached out and took his hand again and gave it a squeeze. "I sometimes think about how my brothers and sisters would be disappointed in me." He looked down blue eyes full of sadness. "I would be ridiculed by my kind and mocked." He pulled Dean's hand close and kissed it. "A millennia of being told that emotions are wrong that love is wrong that it is a weak and human emotion that humans are a lesser creature and being in love and in love with one is vile and evil. By their standards I would be a disgusting creature for ever loving you and worse yet for letting you touch me, I think about it from time to time. It does bother me so… you are not alone in your guilt and doubts I want you to know that."

Dean gave a weak smile. "So in conclusion our families would be upset about this?"

Cas rolled his eyes. "No Dean your brother and mother don't mind us, plus my point was that things that you have learned that you have heard all your life is hard to break away from." He smiled. "You and I just have to make a conscious effort not to let that rule our lives." He cupped Dean's face and Dean felt excitement build. He felt like a stupid teenager for getting so turned on over something so small. "What you and I have is beautiful and if you let guilt from what your father would think or a dream ruin it I would be disappointed." He leaned in and captured Dean's lips with his own. Dean had always wondered how Cas looked like he always had chapped lips but somehow they were feathery soft but firm.

A moan escaped Dean's mouth as they broke apart. "Same to you Cas if you think that some angel rule is going to ruin this I'd be pissed."

Cas nodded. "Good I am glad we came to an understanding." He gave another quick kiss then picked up his remote to the TV. "I am glad we worked through this however I have missed almost the whole show."

Dean gave him a playful eye roll. "You and your TV Cas, I'm sitting here pouring out my heart and you're more interested in Brooklyn Nine-nine."

"It amuses me." Cas responded flatly. The angel then wrapped his arm around Dean and pulled him in close. He gave him a kiss on top of his head and whispered. "If you want to go back to sleep for a few I will gladly hold you."

He nodded. "Sounds good Cas." He buried his head in the angel's chest and let out a soft sigh. The TV played softly and he felt himself drift off to sleep as he listened to Cas's steady breathing. While Cas was not human and never would be one (Unless he loses his grace again) Dean wouldn't have it any other way. This man was an angel in multiple ways, his angel. Dean Winchester's little piece of heaven on Earth.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas and Dean a love story

Miscommunication

It had been a long week Dean bemused as he sat at the local bar. He needed to get out of the Bunker for a while. He had been in there for days almost weeks doing research and other things he was tired. Sam was out on his own somewhere sometimes they needed space. It had been rough. They went on that hunt with mom; the hunt she took from the British Men of letters almost got Cas killed. He gripped his drink and frowned. How close he had came to loosing Cas, man he had seen life without him and he didn't want to do it again. He thought back to those words in the barn Cas said; _I love you, I love all of you_. Dean figured it was well love like familial love is what Cas spoke of nothing more nothing less. He glared at his drink as if it called him a name. He wanted more he needed more. He downed the drink letting it burn the back of his throat.

He never wanted to admit he had feelings for Cas. It was odd, first Cas was a man (or was he Dean wasn't sure about that), second he wasn't human and third he was clueless about everything. He gestured for another round. He knew Sam suspected that his bond with the angel wasn't as platonic as he claimed, Sam brought it up a few times and Dean reflected the accusations. Then when their mom came back she pointed it out; _"You and Cas are awfully sweet on each other."_ He frowned and stared at his beer. Geez and even Crowley had asked a damn demon noticed but… Cas didn't. Or did he? Dean wasn't sure. He didn't even know if the angel understood the implications of love. Could he even feel love did he understand it?

He's thoughts were interrupted by his phone beeping. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it. He figured it was Sam, or mom leaving another _I'm sorry_ , or Cas looking for him but nope it was from Crowley. Like the demon knew he was thinking about him. He frowned and opened the text which read: _Go home ASAP_

What the hell? He texted back: _Why?_ And sat the phone on the bar in front of him. No sooner than he sat it down it went off.

It read: _Seriously I am not kidding go home now!_

Worry flashed through his mind. He downed his drink grabbed his phone and headed out. Maybe something happened at home? Or maybe Crowley was messing with him. He paid for his drinks and left.

%%%%%

Dean wasn't too far from the Bunker. He pulled into the garage Crowley hadn't texted him back and the demon wasn't waiting at the door like he expected. He got out of the Impala and headed in. "Hello?" He called and was greeted with silence. Well that's odd Cas should be home he's truck was still in the garage.

He walked into the library area. "Cas!" He called. "Where are you?" Did Crowley do something to him? He knew they weren't the best of friends but what could the demon gain by doing something to them now? "Cas!" He called louder fear flashed though and he heard a very weak.

"I'm here." It came from the other side of a book shelf

Dean walked around the book shelf there was Cas. He was sitting on the floor, back up against the book shelf, several bottles of booze laid around him and one was he was working on, he had his phone in his hand and a bottle in the other. Dean saw a few blood drops on his hand and frowned.

"Cas what the hell?"

Cas looked up at him his blue eyes dull. "Let me guess," He slurred. "Crowley called you." He flung the phone off to the side and gave a bounce but was okay. He sighed. "Some friend." And he sat the bottle down.

"The hell is this?" Dean demanded. Anger boiled over, he grabbed Cas's hand and could see the cuts on it. He wasn't doing spell work so why was his hand cut? The booze too he counted them four bottles and fifth was currently beside him was at least mostly full.

Cas picked up the bottle and drank it. "I'm having a rough night." He grumbled

Cas was not a nice drunk. Dean knew that, as a human drunk Cas was fun but as an angel drunken Cas was a dick. "Yeah I see that but why what is wrong?" He wanted to get to the point. H

Cas shrugged and took another swig.

Dean took the bottle from him. "No we are talking!"

"Sure Dean," He slurred. "What you want to talk about? How many times I've messed up? You seem to notice that but nothing else." He grumbled

Dean felt annoyed. He wanted to deck Cas, break his face knock out a tooth something. He didn't like it when the angel talked down to him like that. "Cas I am not in the mood for this shit man just tell me what is wrong."

Cas looked at him jaw tight; he shot him a dirty look. He's eyes were narrow and full of hurt then he looked away as if his answer was elsewhere and grumbled. "It's not like talking will do any good you don't listen to me."

Dean was about done with Cas's sass. "Listen here man I listen and you," He picked up an empty bottle. "Don't get drunk if you want to talk you're an ass when you're drunk."

"Yeah well you're an ass all the time!" Cas snapped. He crossed his arms and it reminded Dean of an angry child.

"Are you mad at me?" Dean asked

Cas threw up his hands and rolled his eyes. "Oh so now you notice." He mumbled something that sounded like idiot.

Dean frowned. "Cas if you wanted to talk why didn't you just start instead of this?" He pointed at the bottle and bloody hand. "And what happened to your hand." He told himself to control his anger it was the booze talking not Cas.

"I broke a bottle… I got glass stuck in my hand. I tried to dig it out." He looked at his still bleeding hand. "Guess it hasn't healed yet."

Dean noticed the broken bottle which was busted in large shards. "Okay why are you mad at me?"

Cas huffed and glared at him. "Why do you think?" He shouted

Dean flinched. He honestly had no idea why. He was ready to text Crowley to see if the demon knew. He reached to his phone but kept his eyes on Cas. He saw tears begin to gather in his eyes. Wait was Cas about to cry? Now that he thought about his face was awfully wet… "Cas…" He started. He reached out and the angel backed away. "Have you been crying?"

Cas brushes his face. "Looks it." He deadpans as he looked at his wet hands. "Not like you would care."

Dean frowned. "I care Cas." He dropped to his knees and barely missed the shattered bottle bits. He took the angel's hands. "Why would you think that?"

The angel lets out a shuddering sob that breaks Dean's heart. "You never noticed." He shook his head. "I thought I thought we had something… when I was gone Crowley he… he said my efforts weren't wasted on you that you were just pig headed, and I hid my feelings and when I thought I was going to die I…" He shook his head and cried harder.

Dean pulled the angel close to him. "It's okay." He rubbed his back as the other man cried on his shoulder.

"I confessed to you and you did nothing. Nothing! How do you think I felt when you ignored it?" He sobbed

Dean felt confusion wash over. "Wait confession?"

Cas lifted his head off his chest and looked into his eyes. It pained Dean to see him so sad. "Yes confession. When people say I love you it tends to be a confession you know. I even looked at you when I said it."

At that moment Dean felt like the biggest idiot in the world. He looked down at the other man whose head is down and focused on the floor. It was a confession. It was what Dean wanted and Cas thought he rejected him. He reached down and lifted up Cas's chin the angel looked at him his eyes full of hope. Dean decided at that moment to give the angel what he wanted. He leaned in and captured his lips. Cas's lips respond to the kiss with eagerness. His tongue traces the outside of Dean's mouth and Dean opens it up to let him in. The taste of the booze is strong in Cas's mouth but it doesn't bother Dean all that much. Cas clings to Dean's shirt and a hand wonders up in his shirt and touches his stomach. Dean finally breaks the kiss both are breathing heavy.

Cas looked up at him his eyes were bright. "Wow that was better than I had ever fantasized about."

"Likewise," Dean let Cas burry his head back on his chest and quietly asked. "How did you get Crowley involved?"

The angel gives a soft laugh. "When I finished the first bottle I started texting him," Dean noted that Cas seemed to be getting sober. Upside to being an angel he supposed he got over being drunk pretty fast. "I told him you rejected my confession…"

"And what did he say?" Now he was curious

"Said you were a 'bloody idiot'." He said and used air quotes. "Then he said he'd handle it."

Dean sighed. "That's why he texted me."

"Oh… I was wondering why you suddenly came back to the bunker."

Dean suddenly felt dumb again. "The little bastard set us up." He mumbled to himself. He patted Cas on the back softly. The angel is leaning into him heavy now and Dean shifts to let the other man lay on his lap. He props himself against the bookshelf opposite of Cas's one man party. He lets out a small sigh. He's finger run through Cas's hair making the angel let out a content sigh. Dean just watched the angel as they both soak up the moment between them. He made a mental note to thank Crowley. He shook his head and let his fingers gently work through his hair. "I love you too Cas." He said. This moment was perfect. He was glad they finally talked. He couldn't believe he let Cas think that he didn't return his love. He made another mental note to treat Cas with as much love as possible the angel clearly deserved it.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas and Dean a love story

The end for you and me

Dean stood there and looked at his future self. 2014, the world had ended apparently and here he was being a huge dick. Dean was well away he wasn't the nicest man in the world but he would never shot a man in cold blood in front of his friends. Croaton or not it wasn't right. Dean's list of concerns was ever growing. He kept hoping and wishing that he would get sent back to his time. He eyed the other him who was packing for the mission. He licked his lips and asked a question that had been on his mind. "Are you, do you know that Cas is on drugs and having orgies?"

The future him gave a shrug. "What Cas does is none of my business." He folded up the map and shoved it in his bag.

Dean frowned. "Dude really its Cas here." He shook his head. "He's clearly troubled man don't you see that?"

"Listen past me; it's none of my business. Cas does what Cas wants to. I don't care who he sleeps with or what he drinks or if he's on pills. The world has ended half of this camp is strung out on something alight." He slammed down his bag. "So my suggestion to you is to mind your damn business."

"Man I wonder when did I become such a dick." He snapped at his future. He stormed out of the cabin. He thought he heard the other him shout something at him but he wasn't in the mood for it. He looked around the camp that was milling around. He really only kind of knew two people here and that was Cas and Chuck. He put his hands in his pocket and decided he would go and talk to Cas. He wanted to; no he needed to know what on Earth had happened to the angel.

He headed to the cabin that he met Cas in before assuming it was also his sleeping quarters. He knocked on the wall before walking through the bead door. He heard a halfhearted greeting and he walked in.

Cas was sitting on the floor in the middle of cleaning his gun. Seeing the angel with a gun in his hand seemed weird. He looked up at him. He's blue eyes wide and he gave a smile. "Hello Dean." He sat down his gun. "You need something?"

Dean sat down across from him. "I just wanted to talk."

He shook his head and gave a small smile. "Oh you want to talk to me." He started to put his gun back together. "Seems strange now…"

Dean noted how sad Cas sounded when he said that. "Yeah uh I wanted to talk to you about…" He looked at him Cas started him bright beautiful blue eyes. Dean denied it he knew it; he felt some attraction to Cas. The angel was beautiful and mysterious it got him going in ways he didn't know was possible. He cleared his throat trying to clear his mind of his impure thoughts he had about the angel. He had a lot of questions but one that came to mind one that he could not shake since he seen his future self and him in the mission briefing. He looked at him and leveled with himself that this was Cas still Cas and he could talk to him. "What happened between you and me? I mean when I left you and I were becoming friends and I like that but geez man," He gestured towards the door. "You and future me it's like you guys hate each other."

Cas had finished reassembling the gun. He laid it down his blue eyes filled with such sadness it broke Dean's heart. He chewed on his bottom lip and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't think you'll like my answer."

"Just tell me Cas." He looked deep into his eyes. "I want to know so… so I can prevent whatever happened between us. God dude you're in so much pain I can see it I don't know why my future self is ignoring it but damn."

He sighed. "Well the angels they left, I'm sure you already knew that. When they did… I became human…" He folded his hands and laid them in his lap and it reminded Dean of meditation. "Dean I hate being a human. It's awful, I stumbled through it… getting weaker and weaker every day… then," He stared at the floor as if he didn't want to meet Dean in the eyes. "The world got worse… Sam said yes to Lucifer you and I… we were broken people, broken sad and depressed. You lost your brother, Bobby, and I lost my powers. We were… searching for something any form of relief from the crippling depression." He opened his eyes and looked at him. "I… Dean I have had feelings for you for a while, I knew this I never acted on it… angels and humans you see and well… no point in dwelling on that. We needed something we were vulnerable… I kissed you, I thought everything was ending anyways I had no heaven to go back to I was powerless I might as well enjoy it. Well one thing led to another and…"

Dean felt his eyes widen he knew what that meant. "Cas are you saying you and I… had sex?"

Cas nodded. "Yes well we made love." He shook his head and smiled no doubt at that memory. "Best night of my life."

Dean felt like someone sucked the air out of his lungs. He banged Cas holy crap he actually had sex with a man! "I uh,"

"I told you, you wouldn't be happy with what you heard. Anyways, I had long loved you and wanted to keep loving you. I sought out a relationship with you. World ending or not I wanted to be with you…" He let out a small sob. "You didn't want me." He cried. He covered his face with his hands. "You told me that it was a one-time thing. That I was just… an item on your bucket list you didn't want me. You wouldn't touch me, look at me or anything. I begged, begged you to love me. I didn't know what to do and you told me to do what I did to seek out women. That sex was just casual. I wasn't a relationship to you I was something for you to bang."

"Oh my god Cas I'm sorry." Dean reached out and laid his hand on his shoulder. "I am so sorry." He's heart was breaking as he watched this man cry. He moved his hand away and Cas moved in closer. Dean took him in his arms and held him. "I led you to this, I brought you to this point and I'm sorry."

"Don't blame yourself…" He sniffed. "You didn't do it; it happened a few years back or a few years in your future." He buried his head in Dean's shoulder and Dean rubbed his back.

Dean wondered how he could make love to this man then leave him like that. Was he ashamed by it? How could he lead this man on? Love him and leave him. Cas was sobbing uncontrollable now. "Cas." He whispered and ran his fingers through the other man's black hair.

"I just… Dean I wanted you to touch me, to touch me again." He nuzzled his head in his chest. "I missed it I missed it so much. It was what I wanted. Those women mean nothing to me; I just wanted to get off to forget about you." He looked up at him tears streaked down his face. "And when I say you I mean you, you not you now. I mean how you were." He laid his head back down on him. "When you loved me… when you wanted and needed me."

Dean rubbed his back and listened to the man cry. He's heart was long broken. He vowed not to do this to Cas. "Cas, I promise you… when I get back to my time… if we… if we no when we," He reached out and cupped the man's face and stared into his eyes. "When we finally… you know… I will never leave you okay."

Cas gave a smile his soul had long been crushed by years of neglect from Dean. "All I want more than anything is you to love me." He tilted his head, his blue eyes focused. "I love you Dean." He leaned forward towards him.

Dean realized that Cas was about to kiss him. He was about to stop him this wasn't he's Cas, no his Cas was back in his time standing on the side of the road waiting for him to get his sleep. But, this Cas was broken and hurt rejecting him might be the final move for this Cas. He was tittering on the edge of life Dean could see it he had seen desperate people before and Cas was well on his way to that. He didn't stop him even though it was the wrong Cas. He felt the other man's lips press against him. It was warm, he licked his lips and Dean opened his mouth to let him in. Cas tasted like booze and pills which wasn't at all like he imagined. The former angel curled his fingers into Dean's hair and pulled him closer. Minus the fact that this wasn't the man he left at home and that he tasted of booze this was a really great kiss. Dean's hand slipped up his shirt and he told himself to stop.

Cas broke the kiss first and took Dean's hand out of his shirt. "I'm flattered but I'm not the one you should be kissing." He let him go and stood up. "Promise Dean when you get home… when you see your Cas please take care of him." He laid his hand on his shoulder eyes full of love, lust and remorse. "I… love you so much and if something were to happen I couldn't handle it. So please… take care of you and me." The lingering hand left his shoulder and he picked up his gear bag. "Just don't let the other you know that I told you about our past… he hates me enough as is." He walked away and left Dean alone with his thoughts.

Dean touched his lips that still tingled. He looked at the door that Cas left out of and made a note he had to talk to his Cas when he got home.

When Dean was finally back in his own time he was never so grateful. He had so much to do, he had to call Sam and meet back up with him but… he had to deal with Cas. The angel in question had pulled him out of the motel room right as Zachariah had showed up. The other man looked at him, rumpled suit, messy hair, five o'clock shadow, intense blue eyes, and not strung out on pills his Cas. He laid a hand on him and said. "Don't ever change." He called Sam and told him where to meet him. Cas stayed by his side eyes on him as if studying him. After he finished the phone call he told Cas of everything that happened.

"So in the future I turned to drugs?" Cas asked. He squinted his eyes and tilted his head, lips pursed and Dean thinks about kissing those lips again.

"Yeah Cas, you were doing meditations, having orgies with chicks, and strung out on something."

Cas frowned. "What led me to such a life style?"

"You became human… uh…" Dean looked around feeling nervous under Cas's intense gaze. "We apparently had some relationship and I broke your heart."

Cas's face turned bright red like a tomato. A truck blew by and made Dean feel cold. "We had a relationship?" He blinked a few times then looked away.

Dean reached out to him. He felt like he needed to and his body wanted it. Bucket list or not he didn't deny it Cas was kind of hot.

"What are you doing?" Cas asked his voice rose in panic.

Dean wasn't exactly sure. Surely the side of the highway wasn't the best place for this plus he needed to get back to the Impala and go meet up with Sam but he had to do this. He wrapped his arms around Cas. He was not surprised the angel didn't return the hug.

"Why are you squeezing me with your body?" The angel asked and Dean felt it in his chest.

"It's called a hug Cas." He muttered in his hair. Slowly he felt the angel's hands go up his back and hug him back. "There you go."

Cas nuzzled his head in his shoulder. "This is rather pleasant Dean." He murmured

Dean felt his heart warm. He pulled away and cupped Cas's face as if to kiss him. He looked into his blue eyes to ask permission. Cas looked at him his expression bore that of concern. Dean had one chance at this but if it went wrong would he send Cas down the bad path? He thought of the End world Cas who cried in his arms and begged for his touch. Did Cas harbor those feelings now or was Dean just a human to him. Would a kiss be crossing the line? He really wished he asked the other Cas when he developed the angelic hard on for him. He titled Cas's head up to hell with it; if the world was ending he could at least let this man experience a kiss before everything went south. He pressed his lips to his and not to his surprise Cas's lips remained still and firm. He stopped the kiss romance gone out of his mind maybe Cas fell for him later and not now.

Cas looked at him with confusion. He touched his lips and looked at Dean head titled. "Did you just kiss me?"

"I did." Dean said proudly. He kissed a guy and he liked it. "Well I got to go met up with Sam so uh."

"I flew us back about .2 seconds ago right before you laid your lips on mine." He hand was still on his lips. "I'm going to go and look for the colt." And poof he was gone right before Dean.

"Freaking angels." He grumbled to himself as he got in his car. It had been a long day he rubbed his eyes and started down the road. He shook his head and hoped he got a chance to do that again with Cas. He pushed in a cassette into the tape deck and cranked up the sound. No matter what though he was going to keep his promise to the end world Cas he had to. He clutched the steering wheel tight he had to.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Spoilers for season 14, read at your own risk.

Cas and Dean a love story

A 'Turning point'

Dean let out a small sigh as he eased the Impala into the Bunker. The last few weeks were rough on him. Rough on all of them. He was glad that Sam had talked him out of his crazy idea. He just hoped that they could find a way to stop Michael. He clutched the steering wheel tightly; he wasn't sure why he was home now and safe. Safe with Sam and Cas. The three men got out of the car, Sam looked at the metal box the Impala had chained to it and frowned.

"What are we going to do with that?" He asked spatting out the word that as if the box had insulted him.

"I'm not sure Sammy." Dean said. He's eyes fell on it and it made him uneasy. How close he had come to giving up on hope. He noticed Sam and Cas look at each other. Dean felt a surge of regret and annoyance to his brother. He was glad Sam told Cas and yet he wasn't. Dean knew he could not face his brother, his best friend or Jack to tell them his plan. He balled his fist and pushed those thoughts down there was no point dwelling on it.

The three of them walked into the Bunker war room. Jack was gone Cas had told them that he went on a hunt with Maggie. Dean was glad for a moment that Jack wasn't home at least he didn't have to explain to Jack not yet.

Sam looked at Cas again and nodded. "I'm uh… going to go to my room and watch TV." Sam said his voice wavered.

Dean opened his mouth to argue with Sam. He wanted to share another beer with his brother and sit and discuss strategy but his little brother was out of the room. And was with the odd looks between Sam and Cas. He looked at Cas and the angel looked at him with a stern look. "Cas," He started

Cas held his hand up. "Dean we need to talk." The angel pulled up a chair and pointed at it for Dean to sit.

"Talk about what Cas?" He sat down and the angel sat across from him. "I'm not going through with the plan so you don't need,"

Cas stopped him with a hand raised. "Dean please be quiet and let me talk." He shifted uncomfortably in the chair. He rubbed his hands on his pants and cleared his throat. "This isn't… easy for me… I've been wanting to talk about this for a while and," He shook his head. "After this I feel,"

"Look Cas I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm not good with good byes and I knew if I tried to tell you that you would have stopped me."

Cas shot him a dirty look. "Dean I told you not to talk. Please let me finish… you not telling me it hurt." He laid his hand on his chest. "It hurt worse than anything I could imagine. It hurt that you didn't value our friendship enough to tell me." He crossed his arms and let out a sigh.

Dean shook his head. "I didn't tell you because we are friends. I… I couldn't…" He felt tears stinging at the back of his eyes. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "Shit, Cas," He let out a small sob. "I knew if I did it would… hurt and…" Dean almost fell out of his chair when Cas leaned over and whipped the tears off of Dean's face.

"There's more I wanted to say… please don't cry." He laid his hand on his face. It was so soft it filled Dean's mind with thoughts of a lover. Dean felt his face flush; this was Cas for God's sake. "Dean I… I've been waiting to tell you this for so long… I have told you before and… it seemed we were destined to not for it… but the thought of you going in that box and me not being able to tell you to not finally sit you down and tell you how I felt hurt." He caressed his face and Dean felt himself lean into the touch. "Dean," He cleared his throat, licked his lips and tried again. "Dean Winchester," He took Dean's hands. Dean felt his eyes widen. "I love you. I am in love with you. I have been for a very long time now. I know that you probably don't feel the same way as I do for you but I love you."

Dean felt his heart swell. Cas loved him, the angel loved him shit was in love with him. "Cas I,"

Cas shook his head and ribbed his thumbs on Dean's palms. "I know you could never love me back but I wanted you to know that I…"

Dean grabbed Cas's face which caused the angel to stop mid-sentence. He pressed his lips to his. The angel let out a small moan which turned Dean on. He broke the kiss. "Cas I," Cas grabbed him and pulled him close to him. He had his hand on the back of Dean's head and kissed him. The kiss was soft and passionate. Dean could have sworn he saw fireworks. They broke the kiss again and Dean tried to catch his breath. "Son of a bitch." He gasped.

Cas still had his hands wrapped around him. "Good son of a bitch or bad son of a bitch?" Cas asked.

"G-good." Dean stammered. His chest was heaving and he was still trying to catch his breath.

Cas finally pulled his hands away from Dean. "Oh Dean, if I knew we shared the same feelings I would have done that a long time ago." Cas said with a grin and blushed.

Dean felt himself smile. "And to think I almost missed this." He whispered. He reached out to kiss him again and stopped.

"Why did you stop?"

Dean didn't answer instead he got up and took Cas's hand. "Come on." Dean led the angel back to his room. Cas gave him a worried look and Dean shut the door. "I didn't want our moment interrupted." Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. He breathed in his scent, of his laundry detergent, his cologne, and hair gel. Everything that makes Cas well Cas. He felt the tears sting at the back eyes again.

"Dean are you okay?" Cas asked his voice shook. Dean could feel him tense up under his grip.

Dean gave a halfhearted nod and buried his head in his shoulder. "Cas… I'm sorry I never told you how I felt. Cas… Castiel I love you too. I've loved you for a long time. I was in denial and I'm sorry that… I'm sorry if I made you feel like you didn't matter to me." He kissed him again and Cas melted into the kiss. "You're the best thing in my life, best thing that has ever happened to me." Tears streamed down his face he started to sob he was so emotional. He had gotten so close to throwing his life away his one chance with Cas by locking himself in that box. What had he almost done? How could he have lived with himself if Cas had confessed to him right before he went in that ocean? The sobs wracked his body and he felt Cas wrap his arms around him tighter.

"It's okay Dean, its okay." Cas soothed him and rubbed his back. "I'm here baby I'm here." His voice was soft Dean had no idea that Cas could speak so softly.

Cas held him as Dean cried. Dean was wracked with fear and worry; if Michael got out he could destroy the world. The archangel could kill Cas and now probably would just to torture Dean. About that time Dean felt the archangel beat on the walls of his brain. "I never wanted to do it. To leave you, Sammy and Jack. To stay in that box for… eternity." He cried it was the truth if he had done it, it would have been him and Michael in that box. The archangel no doubt would have plagued him just for revenge, probably make him see and feel things over and over until Dean had finally snapped. Dean felt his body tremble. He knew he was breaking he felt it in the war room that was why he brought Cas to his room. He didn't want anyone to walk in and see it.

"Let it out Dean its okay." Cas whispered in his ear

That was all it took to let the dam wall break. Dean sobbed for what seemed like forever in Cas's arms. He would once in a while mutter to him about how he loved him. Cas would repeat it back to him. Dean sniffled and felt the tears finally stop, he cried for so long he had a headache and he just wanted to sleep.

"You want to go to sleep?" Cas asked.

Dean blinked and looked up at him. Cas whipped his face with the back of his hand and the sleeve of his coat. "I am pretty tired now." Truthfully he hadn't slept well since he had said yes to Michael. Not that he slept all that good to start with.

Cas walked over to the bed and pulled the covers down. "Lay down Dean and sleep. I'll watch over you… unless you don't want me to."

Dean wondered how long Cas had been in love with him. Had all those offers to watch over him been a showing of love? He frowned all those times he fussed at Cas for getting to close to him. It pained him and now he realized how much he wanted to be held by Cas. He eased his boots off and took off his flannel. "Cas uh," He started.

Cas nodded. "It's okay I know you don't want me to watch you sleep."

Dean held up a finger. "Not what I was going to say." He pointed to the bed and blushed. He felt so embarrassed to ask. "Will you stay with me?"

"Are you asking me to sleep with you?" Cas tilted his head when he asked.

"Don't word it like that. I know…" He shook his head. "I'm vulnerable. I'm not looking for sex or something like that I'm looking for…" He swallowed hard he knew it was better to flatly ask Cas. "I just want you to stay and c-cuddle me Cas."

Cas smiled warmly. "Oh I see. You want me to hold you while you sleep."

Dean nodded. "Pretty much." He sat on the side of the bed. "Cas I'll be honest I've been having nightmares for weeks I just… I just want peace."

He walked up to him and was preparing to sit on the bed. "If you think it will help Dean. I'll do whatever you need."

He smirked. "You got to be careful saying that to people it can be taken the wrong way." He looked at him. "Ditch the coat Cas and the shoes."

Cas nodded. The signature trench coat was tossed to the side and shoes kicked off. He removed the suit jacket as well and the tie. "Is this good or would you rather I get shirtless?"

"That's good."

He got in the bed and Dean lay beside him. Cas wrapped his arms around him. "I'll stay here all night Dean. I'll stay here and hold you and anything else you need." He kissed the side of Dean's face.

The hunter rolled over and buried his head in Cas's chest. "This is fine." Exhaustion washed over him and he felt himself slip into sleep. For the first time in a long time since he said yes to Michael, and all the other bad stuff he felt his body ease into a peaceful sleep.

Last thing he heard was Cas saying. "I love you Dean. I will stay with you for all time, even if it meant I would have to get in that box with you."

Dean fell asleep and slept the best he had in years. No nightmares no fear just him and Cas a washed in their love for one another as it should have been.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean and Cas a Love story

Lessons in Cuddling

Dean Winchester tossed and turned in bed. He was exhausted but he could not sleep. He let out a heavy sigh as he turned on his side and stared at the wall. He hated nights like this, nights filled with unease that no matter how hard he tried he could not sleep. He rubbed his eyes he knew it was a side effect of the life style. Nightmares were common for him usually sometimes he didn't and usually he chased them away with a stiff drink or two. He already had a drink or two earlier that night and it didn't seem to help. He looked at his clock it was getting close to two in the morning and he was pretty sure he had only got maybe an hour of sleep if even. Another sigh escaped his lips; he could always hit the internet and find some porn and see if rubbing one out could help him sleep. He yawned and suddenly his bed felt empty he was pretty sure if he had someone beside him or someone to cuddle him he probably could sleep.

He pulled the other pillow close to him and held it close to his chest. He buried his face in the top of it and tried to clear his mind. He rubbed his face in it pretending it was a person or something. He's mind wondered brief images of different girls flashed across his mind then he thought of Cas. He frowned to himself Cas's image just kept sticking to him. He really in all honesty just wanted to cuddle Cas; he needed to felt like he had too. The longing was almost overpowering and he rubbed his face in the pillow and fantasized him curled up to Cas. "Cas." He whispered to himself.

Suddenly the door opened. Dean stiffened up he's hand slipped under his pillow and wrapped his fingers around his gun, ready to aim and shoot. The room was dark and he moved his eyes over to the figure and seen a brief flash of trench coat in the hall way light. It was Cas. But why was Cas here? Oh no he had been thinking so hard about Cas the angel must have heard it as a prayer and showed up. Blush washed over him. He wondered how often this happened as he knew damn good and well he had a lot of dreams about the blue eyed angel. He listened to the angel walk around his bed and he just pretended to be asleep out of embarrassment. He sensed Cas lean over him.

"You sleep so peacefully, Dean." Cas whispered. He laid his hand on Dean. "Did you have another nightmare?"

Dean tried not to react. He willed his body to be still, he wondered what Cas was going to do.

There was a pause and then the silence was cut with. "Dean I know you're not asleep."

Dean slowly rolled over on his back. Cas was still leaning over the bed and now he was directly above him.

"Hello Dean." Cas said

"Hey ugh Cas… you normally just wonder into a guy's room without knocking?" He asked with a smirk

Cas shook his head. "I sensed you're longing Dean." He sat on the side of the bed.

"Oh ugh my longing?" Dean asked he felt his face heat up.

The angel gave a nod. "It's not the first time. Usually you do it when you have a nightmare… that's one way I knew you were awake."

"I do?" He asked. He sat up on his hands

"Yes… I sense you're longing and I come in here and you are having a nightmare. I usually stop it… I stay and make sure you're okay before I leave."

"That's a little creepy Cas but… it's sweet."

Cas let out a rare smile and Dean felt his heart flutter. "So why where you calling to me?"

Dean felt himself blush he was glad he was just cuddling up to a pillow or else this would be more embarrassing. "I ugh…"

"If you don't want to tell me that's fine I'll leave you alone." Cas went to stand up but Dean grabbed his hand.

"Cas wait." He pulled him back to the bed. "Okay I was fantasizing about cuddling you okay?"

Cas tilted his head. "Fantasizing about cuddling me?"

"I know, I know it's weird. I was just… God Cas I was lonely. I kept thinking about how I wanted someone in bed with me and suddenly I was thinking of you and I couldn't stop." He realized he still had Cas's hand in his. He thought about letting go but for some reason he didn't.

"You want to cuddle me?" Cas asked

Dean nodded. "Yes Cas." Embarrassment be damned he was going to go for it.

"Oh," Cas said his already wide eyes somehow seemed wider. The angel looked away then looked back at Dean and the hunter felt his heart do another flip. "Do you want to try it? Maybe it could help you sleep."

Dean didn't stop himself from grinning. "Yes, I'd like to try it… if you want to that is."

Cas shook his hand off of his and stood up. He took off his trench coat, and suit coat. Dean lay back on the bed and Cas curled up beside him. "Dean I have to confess I am not familiar with this cuddling thing."

Dean suppressed a laugh. "Okay here," He grabbed one of Cas's arms and put it around his waist. "Now put the other one around my shoulders."

Cas did and looked at him his blue eyes still wide with concern. "Is this fine?"

The hunter smiled. "Cas just do what comes natural." He said. He regretted that afterwards the two of them were lying pretty close what if Cas had something else in mind for something that comes natural.

The angel pulled him closer. "Feels nice…" The angel blushed hell Dean didn't know Cas could blush. "Are you…" He looked away and blushed even redder than before. "Enjoying this Dean?"

Dean nodded. He buried his head in Cas's shoulder. "You're so warm." He cooed. Cas's body heat was nice and warmed him up. The heat in the bunker was okay at best but it being underground left it a bit drafty at times. He felt Cas run his hand down Dean's back as he drew little circles on his back. Dean felt a little content sound slip out.

"You like that too?" Cas nuzzled his chin in Dean's hair. "I… I like this also Dean. I wanted this."

"To cuddle me? Didn't know angels liked to cuddle?"

"I like the warmth of human touch… I've grown fond of it over the years." He placed a kiss on top of Dean's head. Dean felt his heart warm oh did he want this so bad. "I like it when we hug… it's so pleasant…" He ran his hand over his arms.

"Glad this is working for you Cas." Dean mumbled in his chest. He could hear Cas's heart rate increase. He went to speak but suddenly Cas grabbed the side of his face. "C, Cas?" He managed to get out just before the angel's lips crashed against his own. Holy shit! Cas was kissing him; Castiel angel of the lord was kissing him. Dean didn't know what to do with his hands. Part of him wanted to pull him closer and another part wanted to get lost in Cas's black locks. He decided to follow his own advice to Cas. Do what fells natural. He's hands went up into Cas's hair; they tangled into his dark locks.

Cas broke the kiss at last. "Dean that was much more pleasant than I had every imagined." He stared into his eyes.

Dean smiled. "Cas… I love you." He whispered and Cas pulled him closer to him. Dean wasn't sure the two of them could get any closer than they were now.

The angel kissed him along his jaw line and Dean clung to him even more and let out a soft moan. "I love you too, Dean." He ran his fingers along his face and rubbed his back. "I love you so much." He kissed him on top of his head and Dean let out a yawn. "Get some sleep okay."

The hunter rested his cheek on Cas's chest. He could feel the angel's love radiating. This, this was exactly what he wanted from Cas. This exact moment between them the love they shared but too afraid to admit it to each other.

"Am I doing a good job cuddling?" Cas asked his voice soft and gentle.

Dean gave a nod. "Yeah Cas… you passed the lesson in cuddling."

"Good." Cas said in his ear. "What's my next lesson?" He asked a hint of teasing in his voice.

The other man chuckled. "Well see tomorrow okay." He mumbled. Dean felt himself nod off. This was awesome. He was pretty sure this was the best sleep he had ever gotten, laying here in Cas's arms and listening to his heart beat.

"Goodnight, Dean." The angel nuzzled him some more. He knew Dean was sound asleep now. He smiled he knew Dean was going to get a good night's sleep for once. "Love you." He whispered in his hair. Castiel may not sleep but he knew he was going to enjoy holding Dean. He's heart was full of hope for the future for the two of them.

The two of them lay together all night. Dean got the best night sleep of his life and Cas got to relax and enjoy watching him sleep. It was a great beginning for the couple and cuddling was just the first lesson.


	6. Chapter 6

Romantic Walk

Dean Winchester was hanging in an abandoned school, he was chained up by the wrists, and blood was slowly being drained. He was unconscious his body swung loosely oblivious to what was going on around him but deep into his dream world. Dean Winchester was trapped under the control of Djinn.

Dean was holding hands with Castiel. They were at a trail; the woods were deep green and lush. Dean smiled as he looked up at the trees, it was beautiful.

Cas smiled fondly as he looked around. "These beautiful trees remind me of your lovely green eyes." The angel cooed as he squeezed Dean's hands.

Dean felt his heart melt. "The blue flowers," He picked one and held it out to Cas. "Are the same color as your eyes." He ran the flower along the angel's face which made Cas smile even more. He's smile was the most beautiful and precious thing ever it was like a personal sun on a cloudy day. Dean could get lost in his eyes and in that smile.

"Come on." Cas said. He pulled the hunter along behind him as he walked. The angel admired the nature around them; a chipmunk ran by and went under a rock. A small creek was running by the trail with little fish in it. Cas delighted in pointing out everything in sight. "Dean look," He pulled on his arm again. "Dean look at that!" He exclaimed as he pointed at a moss formation on rocks. Everything was so green.

Dean smiled to himself and laughed. "Cas you're acting like this is the first time you've seen this stuff." He slung his arm around the other man. "And you've been around longer than probably that rock so I know you seen it before."

Cas looked at him. Huge grin was on his face. "I just enjoy sharing in this with you, Dean." The angel wrapped his arms around Dean. "Nature is truly lovely. Sometimes you have to take the time to appreciate it." He buried his head in Dean's shoulder.

He rubbed his back. He loved holding the angel like this. "God Cas, I love you so much."

Cas nuzzled his head along his neck. "I love you too." He kissed him on his neck. "I love you so much." He kissed him along his neck then his jaw.

Dean felt his excitement boiling. He enjoyed this so much. He and Cas never got time alone like this. He was so glad he finally confessed to him. "I'm glad I finally told you." He muttered under the kisses. "I waited too long." He groaned as Cas kissed him down the other side of his neck and his hands wondered up his shirt.

Cas smiled against his skin. "Better late than never." He let out a content sigh. "I could stay this way forever." The angel nudged Dean up against a tree. The hunter grinned as the other man started to lift his shirt up and covered his torso with kisses.

"Cas." Dean let out a breathy moan.

"Dean?"

Dean looked down at the angel who was looking up at him. He's head tilted eyes full of love, lust and want. "Did you say something?"

The angel shook his head and continued his kissing.

"Dean!"

Dean looked around someone was calling for him. Someone that sounded a lot like Cas. He reached out and laid his hand on Cas's head who was busy trying to undo his pants. "Stop."

He looked up at him. "But Dean I thought you wanted this?" He purred. Cas didn't seem like Cas anymore, to Dean it made him think of some wild wet dream.

"Who's there?" He asked.

"It's just me." The angel said. He reached out to him again. "Let's continue Dean no one's out here but you and me."

There was a cough and Dean turned to see Cas standing there. "H-hello Dean." He said. He blushed wildly and glanced down at the other Cas who was still knelt down in front of Dean.

"C-Cas?" Dean asked. He looked down at the angel in front of him and frowned. "Oh shit!" He looked at the other Cas then back at the other one. "This is a dream isn't it?"

"Y-yes Dean, I came to save you. A Djinn has you." Cas said

The dream Cas clung to Dean's legs. "Don't listen to him baby. He's the fake one. I'm real and right where you want me." He purred. He clawed at his pants.

Dean yelped and tried to get away from him. "No stop!" He was embarrassed, ashamed he looked at the other Cas. "So this isn't real?"

The real Cas shook his head. "No Dean. You need to wake up and now please."

"No Dean don't wake up stay with me!" The dream Cas begged. "I love you baby and I will love only you!" He was on his knees. "I'll give you want you desire." He unbuttoned half of his shirt showing off his chest. "I know what you desire Dean, you want love. All aspects of love, romantic, sexual, devotion just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you."

Dean looked down at the desperate and begging Cas and frowned. "I mean you drive a hard bargain but…"

"Dean!" Cas shouted the real one. He marched up to him and took Dean's arm. "You need to wake up we need you."

Dean blinked and said. "I know Cas I know. I'm not going to stay with some fake version of you." He felt himself slowly wake up. The world around him started to fade. The dream version of Cas let out a scream of no.

Dean slowly opened his eyes. Everything hurt all over. He let out a groan.

"Shhh Dean it's going to be okay." He heard Cas speak.

He felt something pull at his arm and neck and he figured the angel was removing needles from his body. "Cas, I," He started. He was so weak. "I think we need to talk."

"Shhh, Dean we'll talk later." He unhooked the hunter's wrists and he dropped down. Cas was able to catch him. "You've lost so much blood. If we were any later you would have," Those words died in the angel's mouth.

"Djinn?" Dean asked. The room spun from the blood loss.

"Sam and Mary are taking care of it. I need to get you out of here." The angel lifted him up with ease. He held him bridal style.

"Other victims? What about them?"

Cas shook his head his face was sad. "We were too late for them." He held Dean close to his chest and started out of the building.

Dean's head was still swimming. He turned to his side and held on to Cas's coat to keep him grounded. He let out little whimpers here and there and held tighter to him.

"Almost out of there Dean." Cas whispered.

Dean felt the cold night air wash over his body as they stepped outside. He shivered without realizing it.

"We get you to the car I'll cover you up."

Dean heard a car door open and Cas eased him into the passenger side of the Impala. "My car?" He asked in confusion.

"I found the keys by the entrance along with your phone. Sam took the knife." Cas said. He took off his trench coat and Dean couldn't help but think of how odd he looked without it. He blushed when he remembered the dream Cas peeling off his shirt. "Here it's not much but it should help." He draped the coat over him like a blanket.

Dean took in the scent. The crispness of it, like spring air and a mixture of Cas's cologne and essence of what was Cas. "Thanks." He muttered. He just wanted to sleep. He felt a sting in his arm and knew Cas was giving him the antidote for the Djinn poison. He looked at him trying to read his face. He couldn't believe the Djinn treated him to one of his favorite wet dreams. Had Cas not showed up he might have stayed in that fake world with the fake Cas having fake sex until he bled out.

Cas laid a hand on his head. "I can heal your injuries but the blood loss. You have to build that back up on your own."

Dean nodded and felt the healing touch go through him. He loved it when Cas healed him it was like a hug from the inside. It was warm and wonderful and he always felt closer to the angel when it happened. "How long was I in there?"

"Almost a week." Cas removed his hand. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called what Dean assumed was Sam. "I got him, yeah I'm going to take him and the Impala back to the bunker. He's fine. I'll see you at home." He hung up and let out a loud sigh. "Sam got the Djinn. Dean," He furrowed his brow and looked at him with a look Dean only seen on Cas's face when he was extra pissed off. "Why did you go in by yourself?"

Dean gave a shrug. "Thought I could take on the Djinn, everyone was busy so I decided I would do it by myself."

"What waiting for anyone was too much of an effort?" Cas snapped

"People were dying Cas!" Dean snapped back and felt light headed as the anger surged through. "I couldn't wait on Sam and Mom they were gone and you were looking for Kelly so what choice did I have. I wasn't about to sit around the bunker and wait for more bodies to pile up!"

"You could have called Jody, or Donna, hell even Claire for help," Cas started and Dean rolled his eyes.

"I was closer." He pulled the coat up closer. "I was an idiot too…" He mumbled

"Dean," Cas reached out to him as if to touch his face and stopped. "We were so worried about you. When you didn't call us. We didn't know what happened." Dean noticed the angel's eyes tear up.

"Cas I," He started. He wasn't going to sit here and watch him cry. "Come on man I'm sorry I," He looked at him and reached out. Hesitation hit him, Cas was probably disgusted that his dream involved a horny angel trying desperately to give him a BJ in the woods.

"Let's just go." Cas stood up and whipped his eyes. Dean's heart broke. Cas was angry at him, most likely repulsed by him.

Dean sunk into his chair as Cas got in the driver's side. The angel started the car and headed down the road. The silence in the car was thick. Dean licked his lips maybe he should talk about it. He frowned. Being a hunter everyday could very well be their last. He knew that, all hunters knew that. A simple mistake could end their lives and here he was shaking hands with Djinn all alone. Mad at his mom for working with the British Men of Letters, Sam was helping her on some hunt and Cas was looking for Kelly and Dean decided he was going to be a macho man and take it on alone. It had been a rough year, the awkwardness with his mom, Lucifer knocking up some woman, Cas being gone half the time, then nearly dying on him, being in that federal prison. He shivered and Cas turned up the heat on the car. "Thanks." He whispered.

"If you're cold Dean just tell me, I don't feel cold like you do."

Dean smiled. The sad thing is the Djinn did show him something he wanted; a relationship with Cas. Though that version was a desperate plea from the Djinn to warp his brain into making him stay he's desire was a relationship with Castiel Angel of the Lord. Dean swallowed hard. He had known for a while he harbored feelings for him; he knew it for a while now. After seeing Cas walk into that river it haunted him plagued him for a while. He knew the whole time he was with Lisa he wanted something else, something forbidden. He liked Lisa but his feelings for her just weren't as strong as they were for Cas. He thought about the angel constantly especially when he was gone. When they were in Purgatory he realized it, it hit him then he was in love with his best friend. The fear and worry that some monster would kill Cas wore on him during his time there. After that it was just the wrong time, Cas was gone for one reason or another and Dean kept denying his feelings over and over and his brain loved to remind him 'hey you know that guy you like him a lot'. He pulled the coat closer to him. He's dreams were his safe place he could love Cas all he wanted and no one would or could say anything to him but now Cas seen one of his dreams and he knew it made it awkward.

"Are you still cold?" Cas asked softly

Dean shook his head. "No I'm fine."

"Good." He turned the car into a parking lot of fast food joint. "You need to eat something. You need to regain you're strength." He ordered Dean food in the drive in and pulled around and got it for him. He passed the human the bag and parked the car. "You might be nauseous."

Dean frowned when he smelled the food. Cas was right his stomach did a little lurch as took the bag. "I went to long without eating." He grumbled. He reached in and pulled out the sandwich. He frowned at it. "No burger?"

"No Dean, grilled food and a wheat bun will help build you're strength up faster. Plus a greasy burger on an empty stomach is not a good idea."

Dean took a bit out of it. "My body is like 85% grease man." He chewed his food and his stomach issued a warning. "Thanks though for everything." He took a sip of his drink. "And I mean everything."

Cas looked at him and said. "Of course Dean, I'm still upset you went alone on the hunt but I forgive you." He gave a smile. "Because you are okay," He looked at his hands. The awkwardness hung heavy in the air.

Dean finished his sandwich and drink. "Cas we…" He looked at him and let out a sigh. "We need to talk."

"About?" He tilted his head.

"About? You know damn good and well what we need to talk about." He sighed. He wasn't really ready to bare his feelings.

"Oh the Djinn dream." He looked ahead and out into the darkness in front of them. "I assume you desired a relationship with someone and the Djinn used my image." Cas stated as if it meant nothing.

"Cas that… that wasn't all of it." He tossed the wrapper and cup in the bag and tossed it out the window into a nearby trash can. "It's… it's not the first time I've had that dream…"

Cas looked thoughtful. "Oh…" He blinked then looked at Dean. "Oh." He said again his eyes were wide.

Dean frowned. "I know you can't possibly feel the same way I do." He looked at the angel. "You are an angel. I don't even know if you understand my feelings or anything but…" He shook his head and drove in head first. "I love you Cas." The angel's blue eyes widened for a second. "I have for a long time. I have all kinds of excuses as to why I didn't tell you. My reasons are just… man I don't know… I'm Cas I'm scared if I told you then something might happen to you. My family is like cursed or something and I don't want you to suffer because of, well hell you have. Since you pulled me out of hell I wrecked your life." He ran his hand through his hair. "That dream… I've had it before. It's sappy as a chick flick. I tell you how I feel, you share you feel the same we kiss then go on a date… we go on that trail and… well you seen. You tell me that you love me and only me, you promise yourself and undying love to me and usually I wake up." He chuckled. "I'm sorry that you had to see it. I didn't want you to find out that way I wanted it to be like a death bed confession or something." He looked into the angel's eyes that were still looking back at him in shock. He had messed up big time. "Listen man I know this is going to make things awkward for us and I promise I won't check you out or touch or…" He was cut off by Cas.

"Dean," He looked so stern now. Dean flinched on the inside the angel was going to deck him probably. "You're a fool."

He nodded. "I know I'm a fool for falling for an angel. I have no chance I should have just let you think that the Djinn picked you at random."

He shook his head. "That's not why you're a fool." He looked at him his eyes lighten up. "You're a fool for hiding you're feelings for so long. I thought you didn't feel the same."

Dean blinked. "Wait; feel the same do you mean?"

Cas nodded and smiled as if the world was full of hope. "Dean I love you. Why else did you think I stuck with you for so long?"

Dean's mouth fell open. "Dude are you serious?"

"Yes I am very serious. I thought I showered you with enough love. I thought you rejected it. You called me family so I assumed you wanted our relationship to stay that way."

"Son of a bitch." Dean said and shook his head. "So this whole time we were both,"

"Being idiots."

He laughed. "Yeah that's one way to put it." He smiled. He reached out and took Cas's hand and the angel looked down at it. "Well that isn't how it goes in my dreams." He leaned forward and the coat fell off him. He desperately wanted to kiss Cas. He reached up and grabbed his face and held it. He looked into those blue eyes that he loved to get lost in. "I love you." He said firmly. He pressed his lips to his and gave him a brief kiss. He broke off the kiss and the angel grabbed him and gave him another kiss. They kissed for a while, making out in the Impala. Dean couldn't think of a better way to end the day. He felt his head spin and he broke off the kissing. "Whew I feel dizzy."

Cas nodded and eased him back into his chair. "You're blood is rushing and you're body isn't ready for it." He put the coat back over him. "You still need to rest."

Dean smiled. "Well after I rest can we pick this back up? Like maybe go on a date like a couple?"

Cas smiled he started the car. "Of course Dean. Would you like to find a nice wooded area to walk in?" He asked with a wink.

He laughed. "Sure Cas." He leaned back in the seat coat up around his neck. "Thanks again for everything."

"Of course Dean, I love you with all my heart and I will do my best to keep you safe and happy." He turned out of the parking lot. "Just don't go on anymore hunts alone."

"I'll try not to." He smiled as he caught the scent on the coat. "Love you too with all my heart."

"Take a nap Dean. It's going to be a few hours before we get home."

Dean agreed his eyes were heavy and he felt drained but he was happy. He mumbled a few more love yous. He took Cas's hand and hoped the angel could drive with one hand and fell asleep. He dreamed that night of him and Cas taking a walk in a beautiful forest. Though the Djinn almost tainted it he still loved that dream. He rested easily knowing that Cas was right there with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Cas and Dean a Love Story

Comfort

Castiel tossed and turned in his sleep. Since he became human sleep was a foreign thing. Sometimes he's body would willing give out and go to sleep, other times he would struggle to find a way to get to sleep and some nights like tonight he struggled with nightmares. He let out a murmur of discomfort as his brain played out images of his failures, his brothers and sisters dying by his hand and worse yet: the ever plaguing nightmare of his siblings killing the Winchesters, mostly of killing Dean.

He's heart beat faster as he rolled over and let out a cry. He's had the nightmare many times but not as vivid as now. He could see, smell and feel everything. He's body jerked and he bolted up right sweat beading on his forehead. He's hands trembled and his body felt the chill from the sweat coated on it. He rubbed his eyes then ran his hand through his hair. It was a nightmare. He knew it was he had seen Dean and Sam have them before when he was an angel. However, during that time he could use his powers to quell the nightmare before it got even worse. He shook his head he had no luxury of that now.

He gave up on sleep as the memory of the nightmare continued plaguing his brain. He got out of bed and slipped on some house shoes that Sam got for him and slipped down the hall. He stopped at Dean's room the nightmare still fresh. He worried for his friend and slowly opened the door. He peeked in and could see Dean's form in his bed sleeping like a baby. Castiel couldn't help but smile to himself. He eased the door shut so not to wake up Dean and made his way to the library.

He got in the stash of scotch they kept nearby and poured himself a glass. He sat at the table and let out a sigh. If he couldn't sleep naturally maybe a drink would help ease he's addled mind. He took a sip and shivered. He could remember the nightmare; Dean screams and cries for help as the angels ripped him apart and mocked Castiel for falling for a human. Castiel shook his head it was one of his biggest fears the other angels coming after Dean to get to him. He sipped his drink and felt the burn go down his throat.

It was no secret among heaven about his feelings. Angels liked to talk and gossip on angel radio; they kept each other up to date and shared information. Castiel chuckled to himself. He could remember the day during the war when his brethren were talking amongst themselves and they began to ask about him and Dean. Castiel denied it of course but most of those close to him realized it like Balthazar and Rachel. He frowned Rachel tried to kill them too. Castiel knew that it was crime in the angel community to lay with a human; he had become a social outcast once the rumors started about him and Dean and Castiel hadn't acted on his feelings for the hunter. Of course he loved Dean he saw that more when he became human. Those feelings had been burning there for a while; he denied the attraction to the human until he became one himself. He smirked boy did he remember when he first laid eyes on Dean as an official human. He was nearly blown away by how attractive he found the other man. It was all he could do not to push him up against the wall and kiss him senseless.

He's hands were still shaking as he downed the rest of his drink. He got up and poured himself another glass. That nightmare showed him his greatest fear. He couldn't be with Dean 24/7 there was a good chance that the human could go on a beer run and run into an angel. The Enochian on his ribs shielded him but with all of heaven roaming Earth one or two could be in Lebanon. He's drink sloshed in the glass as he lifted it to his lips.

"Cas?"

Said ex-angel almost choked on his drink when he heard the voice call out. He looked over his shoulder and saw Dean standing there. He's hair was messed up from sleep, he was in his PJs and he looked tired. "Dean? What are you doing up?" Castiel asked

Dean looked at the drink. "What are you doing drinking?" He pulled out a chair and sat down. "Remember you're human now you can actually get drunk."

Castiel offered him a drink and Dean took it. "I know that's… that's the idea Dean. I plan on getting drunk."

Dean looked at the amber colored drink then up at Cas as he sat down. "You okay Cas?"

The ex-angel gave a halfhearted smile. "So what are you doing up Dean?" He asked and avoided the question.

Dean frowned and sipped his drink. "Something woke me up sounded like my door shut or something." He sat his glass down and studied Castiel's face. "I assume you wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

Castiel felt his face heat up. Trouble with being a human the body gave off more indicators than words did. "I uh… no."

"Cas," Dean sighed as he started. "Look I know you don't want to talk about it but…" He pointed at the drink. "I'm not an idiot I can tell there's something wrong."

And yet Dean couldn't figure out that he was in love with him. Castiel thought bitterly. "I'm fine."

He narrowed his eyes. "No you're not."

"Dean I am."

"I heard you scream out." Dean said his voice heavy with concern. "It's been almost every night Cas. You've either woken me or Sam up screaming out in your sleep,"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Castiel asked cutting off the human.

Dean shrugged. "Look dude… I'm not as Dr. Phil as Sam is but I know a thing or two about nightmares. I've been having them since I was little and sometimes man you got to talk about them. You've only been human for nearly a month I know it's hard on you." Dean reached out and laid his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

The touch warmed Castiel's heart. He's brain started to tell him to make a move and he tried to push down those thoughts. Hormones were terrible things. "I…" Castiel started. He's hands began to shake again the images of Dean dead and bloody from his dream floated up to the surface. He felt tears gather behind his eyes. Damn it why was being a human so hard? He felt a warm hand on his face.

"It's okay Cas I'm here." Dean said so softly so sweet it melted Castiel's heart.

The dam broke then and Castiel started sobbing. "Dean I'm scared." He's limbs trembled and shook. Dean creased his face in an attempt to sooth him. "I keep having nightmares about the fall, and my mistakes but… I keep having this same one were my brethren kill you."

"What kill me?" Dean asked. He stopped rubbing Castiel's face and acted as though he was going to pull away.

Castiel reached up and grabbed his arm by the wrist he couldn't let Dean let him go. No not now. "Yes Dean they…" He felt himself blush again. "They kill you to get revenge for what I have done to them." He looked into Dean's beautiful green eyes; eyes which were full of sadness as Castiel spoke.

Dean licked his lips as he took in Cas's words. He got his hand away from the ex-angel and before Castiel could react he wrapped his arms around the angel and pulled him in for a tight hug. Castiel let out a soft sob. He had his head on Dean's shoulder he felt the tears drop from his eyes and onto Dean. He would be embarrassed if he wasn't so upset.

"Cas buddy," Buddy why did Dean call him that? "I'm not going to let those winged dicks kill me." He rubbed Castiel's back and the ex-angel melted into the touch.

"It was so real Dean." Castiel sobbed. "I held you and watched the life leave you and, my brethren mocked me and called me names. Every dream it's like that; they take you and make me watch them kill you. Then they toss you're broken body and I hold it and confess…" He stopped himself and looked up at Dean's face. Oh man he almost told him. If he did that then he would give the angels ammunition against him. No he couldn't tell Dean he had to keep him safe. Much to Castiel's surprise he could see the wheels turning in Dean's mind. Dean's eyes were full of affection, then concern and after his near confession his eyes widened and his lips formed a silent oh and he blinked.

"Cas," He started. He's hands took Castiel's face. "Do you…" The hunter blushed and the ex-angel felt himself blush too. Dean shook his head and tried again. "Cas do you like me?"

There it was. Castiel felt his world crumble and light up at the same time. Dean knew he knew that the hunter knew it just took him a while to line the dots up. Castiel felt shame he looked away. "I." He's words cut off as Dean held his face again and made him look at him.

"Look at me Cas…" Castiel obeyed. "I… damn it Cas I love you. I've wanted to tell you since Purgatory but I never got the chance or I was embarrassed but… I love you Castiel."

Castiel felt himself smile. The sadness melted but was replaced with fear. "Dean I… I love you too but..." He felt tears prickle his eyes again. "My brethren they'll…" He let out a cry. "They are going to take you from me."

Dean shook his head. "Let them winged dicks try." He wrapped his arms around Castiel again. "I won't let them kill me."

The ex-angel broke down into sobs. He buried his head in Dean's shoulder and continued to cry. "I love you so much." He said in-between sobs. The hunter rubbed his back.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere I promise." He lifted Castiel up by his shoulders. "I'm not going to leave you." He leaned forward the ex-angel felt his heart rate increase as Dean's lips pressed against his. Castiel's hands reached up and tangled into Dean's hair. He was a wreck he knew he was but he wanted no he needed this so much. He felt the hunter lick his lips and he opened his mouth and Dean slipped in his tongue. The hunter tasted like the scotch they were drinking and a mixture of something else that Castiel couldn't figure out what it was. Castiel pulled Dean closer to him and deepened the already deep kiss. This was better than he had ever fantasized about. Dean finally broke the kiss and Castiel let out a whimper as he wanted more.

"Dean." Castiel groaned

"Cas…" Dean mumbled in return and he gave him a small and light kiss. "Come on you should go back to bed."

He shook his head. "I don't want to." He sounded like a child.

Dean smirked. "I'll go with you. I'll stay by your side all night if I have to, okay?"

"Okay that… that might help." The two men stood up and headed back to Castiel's room. Dean reached up and took his hand. Castiel gripped his hand tightly. This was wonderful.

They made it to his bedroom and Castiel paused and opened the door. He led Dean over to the bed and the him and hunter eased down onto it. The hunter slung his arm around Castiel and pulled him down into the bed.

"I'll be here all night. No winged dick is going to take me from you I promise." Dean whispered.

Castiel laid his head on Dean's shoulder and fell into a blissful sleep. This time he's dreams was full of dates, hugs and kisses, and snuggling no angry angels seeking revenge no past failures reappearing it was peaceful. It was the best sleep he had gotten since he had become human and it was all thanks to Dean Winchester, and the comfort he found in his love.


	8. Chapter 8

Cas and Dean a Love Story

Road Trip

Castiel frowned as he tried to focus on the road in front of him. This trip was tiresome; he and Crowley were on the hunt for Lucifer. The two of them had been on the road for a while after he picked up the demon once said King Of Hell insisted on tagging along with him. Castiel could think of a lot of things he'd rather be doing than riding around America with the demon; being out on some mundane salt and burn with the Winchesters, preventing the world from ending again, getting punched in the face… a lot of things.

"Are we there yet?" The King Of Hell asked snapping Castiel out of his thoughts.

"No." Castiel responded flatly. "Probably an hour or more before we get there."

Crowley let out a sigh that reminded Castiel of a spoiled child. "Ugh," The demon crossed his arms and stared out the window then looked back at him. "You can at least turn on some music or something. Anything would be better than sitting here in the silence."

Castiel had come to realize that Crowley hated silence and liked the sound of his own voice. He was pretty sure the demon would actually burst if he didn't talk. Cas had counted Crowley had gone for maybe ten minutes tops without talking. The angel frowned; he was not much for conversations. The Winchesters realized this and usually wouldn't push him to talk to them, usually they would talk to him and the angel would contribute when he felt it necessary. Crowley however would just keep talking and talking just to feel the empty void of silence.

"Hey feathers! I am talking to you, or are you ignoring me?" The demon commented.

He cast a glance over at him. "Yes I heard you Crowley. If you wish to hear music then turn on the radio." He gestured at the radio with a wave of his hand.

The demon looked at the radio and turned it on. He flipped through the channels a few times various talk radio and religious programs came on. Crowley swore under his breath as he flipped through again. "Cas," The angel frowned when the demon called him that. So personal he only wanted friends to call him that. "Does this rattle trap truck only have AM radio?" The demon asked his voice actually sounded slightly annoyed.

"I am not sure what AM radio is but I can only seem to get talk stations and gospel."

Crowley let out a disgruntled sound. "So the options are shitty radio or silence?"

Castiel shook his head. "No," He pointed at the glove box. "There is a tape in there I got from Dean."

Crowley opened the glove box and pulled out the tape. "A mix tape? Who made this for you?" He asked with a sneer.

"Dean did." Castiel responded flatly

He chuckled. "Thought so," He smirked as he pushed the tape into the tape deck. Led Zeppelin filled the truck. "Well not my type of music but it will do. So Castiel, Dean made the tape for you?"

Castiel nodded he was still focusing on the road. "Yes he did after he realized that I didn't have any music, much to my surprise."

"Oh so he surprised you with it?" He asked his tone was that of a teasing.

He sighed. "Where are you going with this? its music Dean gave it to me nothing more."

"Well he didn't give me a tape." Crowley said and Castiel could hear him smirking.

"What are you jealous?" He asked. He cast a glance over at the demon that was looking ahead.

"Nope, so he surprised you? Was it over dinner or what?"

"Crowley," The angel sighed in annoyance.

"What? I'm just making conversation. And I am curious. We are just… an angel and a demon having a conversation. Like a couple of high school friends."

"If you must know, Crowley, I made a comment that I… kind of liked the music he played in his car and the next day he gave me the tape."

The demon frowned and pointed at the tape deck. "No offense Cas never in my years would I have imagined an angel listening to this."

Giving it no thought Castiel simply said. "It makes me think of Dean."

There was a silence. Which was rare with his current passenger even though the music was playing there was still a since of silence.

"Castiel can I ask you a question?" The demon started.

"Yes?"

There was another pause then the demon asked. "Do you… do you love Dean and I mean love him love him like you want to… bang him type of love him."

The question shocked Castiel so much he slammed on the brakes which caused the demon to be flung forward in his seat. "What!" The angel demanded and looked over at him.

Crowley frowned and fixed his tie that got tussled in the sudden stop. "Whoa down feathers! Calm down there's no need for that." He looked around. "Lucky we were on some back road or we could have gotten in a wreck. The hell is wrong with you anyways?"

"You just asked me if I was in love with Dean." Castiel huffed. He gripped the steering wheel tight and glared at the other man.

"Don't get upset with me it's an honest question."

Castiel sighed and shook his head. He took his foot off the break and eased the truck back into motion.

"Is that a yes or no?"

"Why do you care?" Castiel was honestly a little afraid that the demon would use the information against him. Truth was he had loved Dean a very long time, he knew this he was aware of it he just never acted on it.

"Because I'm your friend." He sneered.

Castiel wouldn't exactly consider Crowley a friend. After the Purgatory situation, and everything else the King of Hell was no friend. Well not really, he didn't like him but he didn't hate him either.

"And seriously I always wondered about it. You always seem to be concerned about Dean, I had thought you two were just 'good buddies' but after a while I just… honestly I assumed you two were shagging."

"We are not 'shagging'. He's… he is my friend."

"And?"

"Alright fine I love Dean, you happy?"

"I knew it!" Crowley pulled out his phone and texted someone

"Who are you texting?" He's voice betrayed the fear and worry. What if it was Dean?

"Not telling him don't worry. I'm telling my mom. Me and her were wagging a bet."

The angel frowned. "On me and Dean?"

He nodded. "That's actually why I wanted to know really." He pocketed his phone. "So are you going to tell him?"

That caught Castiel off guard as well. "No I had no intentions of telling him."

"Why? If you don't mind me asking. He seems to like you."

"He does not." The angel snapped as he flipped the tape over once it finished playing one side.

Crowley laughed. "He does too. Didn't you ever think about it Cas?"

He shook his head. "He does not, I know he doesn't. He calls me family and I know he likes females. Maybe if I was in a female vessel it might be different but I know my feelings are unrequited."

There was a pause then the other man asked. "Are you really sure about that Cas?" The angel heard a noise then Crowley spoke again. "See you got a text about roughly two days ago. I know you answered but I know it went like this," He heard the sound of his phone being unlocked.

"Hey get out of my phone!"

"Get a passcode," The demon chided and he scrolled through the texts. "See yesterday from Dean 'Good luck on the Lucifer hunt.' Then no more than ten minutes later he sends 'hope to see you again, I miss you'"

"Yeah so?" Castiel tried to grab his phone but Crowley managed to keep it away.

"So? Dean Winchester said he missed you, I don't even think he tells Sam he misses him and he sure as hell has never sent a text like that to me."

Castiel snatched his phone from Crowley and dropped it into his coat pocket. "I don't see what the big deal is."

The demon let out a loud annoyed sounding sigh. "Look the man is emotionally constipated and you are well you, you two are idiots and you don't realize you're in love with each other."

"And what would a demon know about love?"

"I was human once remember. Plus I watch TV I've seen all these signs before; the ever long stares, the too long touches on the shoulders, the getting upset when someone points it out."

"So according to you we are in love because you seen it on TV?" Castiel asked. He turned the truck into a parking lot of an old bar. He needed a drink after this conversation. He got out of the truck and Crowley did as well and was still talking.

"It's not just me that thinks it."

"I know you're mommy thinks it too." Castiel jeered as he opened the door.

"Not just us." And the king left it at that. Left Castiel to wonder who else thought that about them.

They ordered their drinks and sat at a booth.

"You and me should hang out more often once we catch Lucifer. I rather like you're company very therapeutic to help people work through their problems." Crowley said.

"You didn't help me work through anything." The angel said as he sipped his drink.

"Right, well you should still tell him. Better to have loved and lost then never have and all that."

"And then what? He rebuttals my feelings and then what?"

He shrugged. "Well then you can continue on with a broken heart, find another person to love, or come cry to me and we can get out ice cream, watch chick flicks and cry together."

He shook his head. "It's too…" He gulped his drink and ordered another as a waitress walked by.

"Scary?"

"No risky, but that works too." He took his drink from the waitress when he came by. He stopped her and said. "Leave the bottle." She frowned and left the whisky bottle with him.

"Plan on getting wasted Cas?"

"No it will take more than one bottle to get me drunk."

The demon laughed. "Can handle you're liquor eh Castiel?"

He frowned downed his drink and poured his next glass. "I can't tell Dean." He said flatly staring at his drink.

"Can't or won't?" The demon sipped his drink and topped it off. "I'm telling you Cas he feels the same. I can see it."

He shook his head. "Even if I did it won't change anything." He gripped the glass tight in his hand. "The world is always going to need saving or something. I'll be a liability. He'll spend his time worrying about me and risk getting himself hurt."

Crowley gestured aimless. "Judging from the texts he already worries about you. I mean he texts you what every other day wondering where you are. And do you really want to be spending the rest of your life wondering what could have been?"

"Given how our lives are we can go at any time." He downed another drink and felt a small buzz as he filled up his glass.

"Exactly no time is better than the present, or how about after we get Lucifer back in the box. I can through a party and you can ask him to dance and make a big speech. I'll play your favorite song and you two can sink into the sheets somewhere."

He shook his head. "No…" He looked down at the amber colored drink. Crowley did have a point. If he kept waiting for the right moment one of them might be already dead. The world was never going to be truly safe he knew this it was stupid to think otherwise. He tapped his fingers on the glass. "I will tell him."

"Oh really?"

He nodded. "I'll work out the details later but I will do it… even if it's a death bed confession I will tell him."

Crowley held up his glass. "To new relationships."

He lifted his glass and knocked it against his.

"I just hope you don't wait until you are dying to tell the man, and if he doesn't return you're feelings just call me I'll set him straight."

He chuckled. "You know for an annoying demon you are almost a good friend."

He smirked. "And for an angel with a stick up your ass you're a good friend too."

The angel laughed and briefly for that moment he was happy to have Crowley around for the ride, until the demon didn't stop talking again. He sighed as Crowley started talking about his favorite Hell Hound; he hoped the demon would were himself out and become silent. Maybe referring to him as a friend was still a bit of a stretch.


	9. Chapter 9

Cas and Dean a Love Story

In the Middle

Sam let out a small yawn as he made his way into the kitchen area; Dean and Castiel were already up drinking coffee.

"Morning Sammy." Dean said his voice full of cheer and his smile warm.

"Good morning Dean, Cas." He greeted both of them as he went to the coffee pot.

Dean finished off his cup of coffee and sat down the mug. "We got up early to uh look for a hunt."

"Uh-huh," Sam just nodded. He was not stupid he was well away that Dean and Cas had something going on. He seen the way they acted around each other a lingering touch here, a long stare there, a few times he had seen them kissing when they thought he wasn't around. He never called Dean out on it he figured his older brother would tell him eventually he just didn't push it because he was afraid he would upset their delicate balance.

Cas picked up Dean's coffee mug and refilled it with little question. "Here Dean." He offered it to him. Dean took it their fingers brushed lightly and they lingered there.

Sam went to say something but kept his mouth shut. He sat at the table with his coffee and remained quiet about it. It was their business after all.

A few days later Sam was heading into the library. He heard a shuffling sound followed by a soft moan of, "Cas." He stopped dead in his tracks. He prayed his brother and the angel weren't banging in the library. He debated making a sound of some sort as he eased around the corner. Much to his surprise Dean was in Cas's lap and they were making out. Well that was better than them screwing in the library. Sam suddenly felt like a voyeur this was a private moment between his brother and his angel he shouldn't bother them.

Dean was practically melting into Cas. He kissed him over and over mumbling his name telling him he loved him. He was perched up on Cas's lap like he belonged there. Sam felt himself blush at such a moment between the two men. A brief wave of jealousy flashed over him, he suddenly found himself wishing he had a relationship like that with some special lady.

Suddenly Cas broke the kiss from Dean and whispered something in Dean's ear. Sam watched as his older brother leaped off of Cas's lap and pulled down on his pants no doubt trying to hide his arousal. Dean sat down at a chair beside Cas and grabbed the nearest book and started to read through it or pretend to Sam wasn't sure. It was in that moment that Sam realized that Cas had detected him nearby. He wondered how many of these moments he had inertly broken up between the two men. He let out a small sigh as he walked the rest of the way into the library.

"What's up guys?" He asked trying to sound casual.

Dean glanced up at him. His face was flushed and Sam felt almost ashamed for getting so close to them that they had to stop. "Categorizing the books… we still got some more to go through." He pointed at the book shelf behind him. "They keep getting out of order."

Sam nodded. "Okay," He went to tell them he had seen everything. He knew what was going on with them he wasn't stupid but he stopped. What if they found the relationship exciting because they felt a need to sneak around? He frowned.

"Are you okay Sam?" Cas asked

He smiled and said. "Yeah its fine." He picked up his laptop. "I was coming for this I left it in here yesterday." He headed to the hallway and walked back to his room and left the two alone they deserved their privacy.

This song and dance between the three of them went on for a while. The couple would steal kisses, have private moments, and Sam would pretend he didn't see or hear the sounds that came from them. This went on for a while Sam didn't want to intrude on their privacy and they didn't seem to want to explain themselves. He didn't ask he still assumed one day Dean would tell him.

One this day Sam was walking towards the shower room. He wished the Bunker had private showers in the rooms rather than a shower room. Though they did manage to avoid one another, usually announcing if they were taking a shower so someone wouldn't walk in on someone else sometimes they would hit the showers at the same time in the morning. For Sam this was one of those mornings. They had hung up a little sign outside that said 'in use' to alert one another when someone was in the shower. Sam stopped when he seen the in use sign was up. He let out a disgruntled sigh and he cracked the door open. "Dean," He started. He heard a yelp and the sound of a shower curtain being moved followed by the sound of foot falls.

"Ye-yeah what you want Sam?" Dean asked. He peeked his head around the shower curtain keeping it close to hide his body.

"How long you been in there?" Sam hated taking a shower after Dean he had a tendency to use up all the hot water.

"I'm… ugh about to come out…" Dena trailed off. He looked nervous Sam wondered why.

"Okay then I'll go start coffee and…" He noticed something else move in the shower. He peeked closer in the shower. "What was that?" He asked. Briefly he wondered if it was a rat or something.

Dean's eyes widened. "Oh it was nothing!" He shouted quickly.

Sam seen movement again and he blushed he realized what it was; it was Cas in the shower with Dean. He's mouth dropped open top say something but nothing came out.

Dean looked back behind the curtain. "Yeah uh so if you go I can get dressed and ugh…"

Sam then spotted the clothes laying on the bench nearby Cas's tell-tell trench coat hanging on the coat rack above the clothes. He blushed the hardest he had ever in his life and blurted out. "Oh my God you two are in the shower together!"

Dean peeked around the curtain again and Sam seen the other set of feet as they moved off to the side out of his view. "No I'm by myself." He lied

Sam rolled his eyes. "Oh for the love of, Dean I know. I've known for a while about you two! I see his coat and I saw someone else back there,"

Dean cut him off. "Look man we'll talk about it just go, shoo." He waved his hand off.

Sam went to say something else but then Cas added. "Please leave, it's cold in the back of the shower." Sam blushed and shut the door. He was pretty sure he never wanted to shower in there again.

Sam was sat at the kitchen table coffee in hand still in shock. He knew it was going on but walking in on them like that was… awkward. He wanted Dean to open up about his relationship with Cas because he wanted to not because he got caught. He heard the two walk in their hair still wet from the shower.

Dean had on the dead guy robe and Cas was in sweats and a t-shirt and was carrying his coat. "So," Dean started as the two of them sat down. Cas was blushing as Dean continued talking. "I and Cas are… an item."

"I knew that…" Sam started. He looked into his coffee and shrugged. "I've known for a while. I seen you two sneaking around before… I even had seen you sitting in his lap."

Cas blushed even more but Dean continued. "Well if you knew why didn't you say something?"

"Because it's not my place, I thought maybe you two enjoyed sneaking around."

"It was exciting." Cas mumbled then he crossed his arms. Sam could tell the angel was really and truly embarrassed by what happened.

Dean chuckled. "Well we were sneaking around because… I don't know I thought maybe you would be…" He gestured at Sam. "Uncomfortable with me and him you know."

He shook his head. "No Dean." He looked up at his brother. "I wouldn't be as a matter of fact I'm happy for you. You look… Dean you have been the happiest I have ever seen you in your life. I want you to be happy I don't want you to be ashamed or whatever. You two can be whatever it is you are; hug and kiss on each other all you want I don't mind. Just ugh… keep the screwing out of common areas."

Cas looked up at him and blinked his face flat. "We already broke that rule."

Sam waved his hands. "Too much information Cas."

Dean elbowed his boyfriend. "Don't scar Sammy anymore today okay?"

Cas blinked a few times then nodded. "Okay Dean. Do you want some coffee?"

He nodded and said. "Thanks Cas. By the way Sam the shower is open."

Sam shook his head. "I don't know if I want to go in there for a while…"

The angel poured two cups of coffee. "I assure you it is clean, Sam."

Sam blushed. "Cas," The angel walked over to Dean and handed him his coffee and the eldest Winchester slung his arm around him for a hug. "Aww," Sam said the embarrassment lost. "You two are cute together."

"Thanks." They said in unison

Sam held up his coffee mug. "To the happy couple, may you have many years together."

Dean held up his mug and smirked. "And may you find a girlfriend." He bumped his mug into Sam's.

The three laughed and drank their coffee enjoying each other's company. Life in the Bunker was pretty peaceful after that. They weren't avoiding each other Sam didn't feel like he was intruding on them either and he was happy to report as far as he knew they were behaving themselves in the common area. At least he hoped so.


	10. Chapter 10

Under the Stars

Castiel sat at the large table in the library completely absorbed in his book. During his time on Earth he has discovered a love for reading and often would find himself completely entranced by the novel. He smiled fondly as the character in the book finally kissed her love interest. Good for them. He thought.

It was late at night, roughly nearing midnight technically it was almost the next day. There was very little sound in the Bunker. The Winchester brothers had been on a hunt that week and just returned a few hours ago. They barely got out a few hellos before they each took a shower and passed out in their rooms. It had been a hard hunt by all accounts. Castiel felt his mind drift from the book. He didn't go on the hunt he was out with Jack on separate case. He shook his head trying to focus on his book when he heard soft foot falls. He glanced up at his book to see Dean standing there. He was still dressed evidently too tired to even change once he got home.

"Hello Dean." Castiel greeted him as he looked up from his book. "Is something the matter?"

Dean sat beside him at the table and let out a small sigh. "Yeah I can't sleep."

Castiel placed the book mark in his book and sat the book down on the table. "Want to talk about it?"

Dean remained silent but instead stared at the book that Castiel laid down. "Is that the book you got yesterday?"

He looked at it. "It is, and yes I'm still using the book mark you gave me." He gestured to the wooden book mark that had an engraving of stars on it.

He nodded and rubbed his eyes. "You know what I'd like to do?"

"What would that be?" He asked with a tilt of his head.

"Go for a ride." He got up. "Want to come with me?"

"Sure Dean." He followed him. They walked to the garage. They had done this many a time before; if Dean couldn't sleep or he was stressed and just needed to get out of the Bunker he would collect Castiel and they would go for a drive in the Impala. Usually they never had a destination in mind just wherever Dean felt like going. Sometimes they would go to a bar or a restaurant or somewhere that caught Dean's attention. Castiel did not mind he would follow his hunter to the ends of the Earth if he wanted to go.

Dean unlocked the Impala and both men got in. He eased the car out of the garage and onto the street. The roads of Lebanon were empty. No one went out at midnight in this town it was a peaceful town. The hunter remained quiet as he kept driving. He turned on the cassette player as he finally got him a replacement tape deck and let the music fill the silence. Castiel did not mind as long as he got to spend time with Dean. Castiel peered out the window and noticed the stars that dotted the sky. They were out in the country now, no city or street lights could dull the beauty of the stars.

"I love being out in the country. Let's you see how pretty everything can be." Dean said. He rolled down the window and inhaled deeply. "Smell that country air."

Castiel rolled down his window and breathed in. "The air is nice, but the fact you can see the stars is better."

Dean gave a nod and turned the wheel aiming the car down a dirt road.

The angel frowned in confusion. "Where are we going Dean?"

"You'll see." He answered and remained quite as they kept going. The car eased down the dirt path bouncing around a few times as it finally made it to a clearing. Dean pulled the car over and stopped it. "Come on." He instructed as he got out of the car.

Castiel's confusion grew even more. "What are we doing here Dean?" He asked

The hunter pulled out two bottles of beer out of the cooler in the back and just gestured for him to follow him. The angel did and they walked up the clearing to a top of a hill. Dean laid a blanket down on the grass and Castiel tilted his head.

"Seriously Dean what are we doing?" The angel asked

"Star gazing man," He sat down on the blanket and held out his hand for the angel to join him. "Haven't you ever done it before?"

Castiel sat beside him and let out a small sigh. "No I don't believe I have Dean." He took the beer from the hunter and opened the cap. "Is this a human thing?"

Dean let out a smile. "Yeah sometimes humans just like to enjoy nature." He gave a shrug. "I feel like I have been going for so long that I haven't really enjoyed the little things in life. Like a freshly baked pie, watching the stars, smelling the fresh air, enjoying a beer with a buddy."

Castiel caught himself before he frowned at the word 'buddy'. Despite what he wanted, no what he felt for Dean he knew he was in the 'friend zone' as humans called it. He decided to ignore the feelings and talk to Dean. "Did something happen on the hunt?"

Dean gave a noncommittal shrug. "No, not anything worse than usual I just…" He eased a little closer to the angel. "I just wanted to spend time with you."

Castiel felt himself blush and he looked over at Dean who was almost flesh with his side. "Oh really?" He asked

He gave a nod. "Yeah ugh… the hunt did get me thinking…." He's eyes looked up at Castiel then suddenly he they went up to the sky. "I think I saw a shooting star."

The angel looked up at the sky. The stars dotted it in such a lovely fashion. He couldn't help but smile.

"Wow I have never seen you smile like that before." Dean commented

The angel looked down at the hunter. He felt himself blush as he noticed that Dean seemed to be more interested in his face than the stars. "Oh… the stars they," He looked up at them again and smiled. "They remind me of heaven and the divine."

"Reliving favorite memories?" Dean asked. His hand eased closer to Castiel's and brushed his long fingers.

The angel looked at their hands but didn't move. "Yes, see when I first came to Earth to observe humanity I missed home. I missed it a lot more than what I thought and one of my older brothers said to me 'Castiel you see those lights in the sky, that's the lights of heaven shinning down on us' and it made me feel better that I could look up and see home. I know now that, that isn't true that those are just burning balls of gas and heaven can care less about me but still… I look back on that time with fondness."

Dean looked up at the sky. "When I was growing up, I would sneak out of the motel without dad knowing and just spend forever looking up at the stars. I remember when I got older I would bring Sam with me. Kind of became our thing. I started to miss doing that so…"

"Is that why you brought me out here?" He looked at the hunter who was focused on the sky. His bright green eyes focused his beautiful full lips in a pout. Castiel mentally berated himself for checking Dean out but he couldn't help it. The human was very attractive.

The hunter tilted his head. "Yeah well… the hunt didn't go well… we… lost someone."

"Oh I am sorry to hear that." He watched Dean take a drink of his beer and Castiel decided to pry. "It is not uncommon for you to experience death during a hunt why was this so hard this time?"

"It's never easy Cas." He's finger grazed Castiel's hand and the angel looked down at the two hands again. "I always feel like the deaths are my fault."

"They aren't Dean."

He frowned. "I really don't know what I'm thinking…. See it was two people… they had been friends and…" He shook his head. "Damnit Dean get it together."

He tilted his head. "You seem deeply troubled."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah well you would be deeply troubled too if you were me." He laughed and tried again. "They had been friends for years and well… they were in love but see no one made a move because they were afraid of what the other would do and… well she died before her friend got to tell her how she felt… it was painful to watch… she held her and cried for like forever and…" He suddenly grabbed Castiel's hand and the angel almost jumped out his borrowed skin. "When I went to bed I kept thinking about it. What if that had been you, or me, or us one of us dying-"

"We have died before," The angel started but the hunter cut him off.

"Let me talk Cas. I'm pouring out my heart and soul here." He pulled the angel's hand up to his face. "I know this is going to make things weird. I'm not even going to pretend it's not but I have to get this off my chest…" He took in a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "Cas… man… Castiel I love you."

Castiel felt like he was flying and that was a sensation he hadn't felt since he lost his wings. "You love me?" He questioned

Dean bit his lip. "And just so we are clear I mean love you, love you, like burn down the world for you, kiss you at night love you."

The angel blinked and realized that Dean assumed he would misunderstand his feelings. He smiled fondly and said. "I love you too Dean… I have for a while. I thought it was obvious."

He shook his head. "No… I guess it was actually I just… I was afraid of what would happen if we went down that path… but the thought of you not knowing how I felt scared me more so… well here we are."

He leaned forward and Dean's eyes blew wide. "Dean can I kiss you?"

He nodded and Castiel leaned in the rest of the way capturing his lips with his. Dean let go of his hands and wrapped his hands around Cas. One on the back of his head and the other at his waist and pulled him in closer. Castiel licked his lips to get Dean to open his mouth and he did, he slipped in his tongue and the two remained like that for a while until Dean finally broke the kiss. "Wow man, come on some of us need to breathe." He gasped.

Castiel pulled away and licked his lips. "That was very pleasant. Do you wish to return to the bunker?"

"No I think I want to stay here longer." He got closer to the angel and laid his head on his shoulder.

The two sat in silence and the world continued on around them. Eventually Dean fell asleep and Castiel eased him onto his lap. He ran his fingers through his hair and let the man sleep as he watched the stars. Now the stars had another reason to make him happy.


	11. Chapter 11

We Need to Talk

Dean Winchester was still upset with Castiel. He slammed his beer down on the table after he took a swig of it and the sound echoed off of the bunker's walls. He looked around the war room. He was alone at the moment. Sam was off at the store and well Cas was… who gives a shit where Cas is? Not Dean that's for sure. He drank from his beer again and sat it down when suddenly;

"Hello Dean."

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized that Castiel had appeared in the middle of the war room. "God's sake Cas!" He shouted. He wiped off the beer that had spilled on himself and leveled a dirty look at the angel. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"I am… sorry it was not my intention to cause you to defecate." The angel muttered as he looked down at the floor.

He shook his head. "Figure of speak Cas." He mumbled. He got up from the table and picked up his beer bottle. He headed to the kitchen to get a new bottle and realized the angel was following him. He narrowed his eyes. The damn angel was like a freaking dog. Followed him around everywhere and it got on Dean's nerves. He stopped and realized Cas almost walked into him. He turned around quickly. "What!" He demanded and was surprised to see how close Cas actually was to him.

The angel never faltered. His bright blue eyes focused on Dean and he held up his hand's which the hunter just now noticed had bags in them. "I got you a present and… they need to go in the kitchen and since you were heading that way I thought I'd go with you."

He glared at him and rolled his eyes. "Whatever man." He mumbled and kept going. Castiel followed behind him almost at his heels. "Back off dude!" he shouted over his shoulder.

"I apologize Dean." He murmured.

They made it to the kitchen. Dean collected a new beer after he tossed the old bottle out. He undid the cap and tossed it and Castiel laid the bags on the table. He looked at the bags then Castiel who hung his head low. He bit his lip there was something sad about the way Cas was carrying himself Dean could see it. Guilt washed over him. He had been a dick to his friend and his friend was going through a tough time, Purgatory, angels after him, the guilt of what he did in heaven and to Earth and the mess with the tablet and here he is treating him like shit. He shook his head. He knew what it was and he didn't want to admit it. He was scared. Scared to get close to someone. Anytime he did he got hurt or they got hurt. He's defense mechanism push them as far away as possible. Can't be hurt if everyone hates you. But it didn't seem to work with Cas. He could yell at Sammy and Sam would head for the hills but Cas no Cas stayed like a beat dog and took it.

Dean reached to the bags and asked. "So what's in the bag?"

Castiel looked up at him his soulful blue eyes sad and Dean felt more guilt. How could he treat Cas so bad? "I ugh… got you some of your favorite things Dean." He angel pointed at the bags and Dean swore he saw a faint blush. "I flew to a bunch of different places… to get the gifts and…" He looked away from Dean again and focused on the floor.

Dean had an urge to make Cas look at him but he decided against it. He reached in one bag and seen his favorite brand of beer in one bag. Wordlessly he picked it up and stuck it in the fridge. The next bag had recent busty Asian beauties. He let out a chuckle as he retrieved the magazine. He didn't tell Cas he already had that one. The final bag he reached in and pulled out a pie.

"I didn't know what flavor you liked… I was going to get burgers but I was worried I'd crush the pie."

He sat the pie on the counter. "So you are trying to buy my forgiveness?" He asked

The angel blushed again. "Well I seen in movies and commercials and TV when someone does something to upset their… mate they buy them flowers or jewelry so I… got you that." He looked up at him his eyes squinted in thought.

Dean laughed he couldn't help it. "You're bribing me Cas?" He asked and shook his head.

He threw up his hands in frustration. "I didn't know what else to do! I just… Dean I am terrible at talking."

"I noticed."

"Not helping." He pointed at the stuff on the table. "So I thought… since the last time I said I was sorry I didn't feel better so I thought buying forgiveness would be better."

He sighed. "Cas…" He looked at the pie. "How about we have some pie and talk?"

"I do not eat Dean." He reminded him

Dean gave a wave of his hand and cut two pieces from the pie. He put the pie away and got forks for them. He slid the smaller piece to Cas.

The angel stared at the pie then watched Dean as he ate it. The green eyed hunter looked at him then at the pie. He stuck his fork in it and took a small bite. "Dean," He started after he swallowed the pie. "I am sorry for upsetting you…"

"You beat the shit out of me then ran off with the tablet." He stated flatly as he worked on his piece

"Well Naomi, had me brainwashed…" He looked at the pie and frowned. Dean looked at the pie again and Castiel let out a sigh as he tried to eat it again. "And I thought… I needed to protect the tablet."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Well you could have brought it here." He waved his hand around. "Secret bunker remember."

"I feared that… the angels would find you… I… the last thing in this world is for you to get hurt… and Sam." He added that last part in a hurry.

He raised an eye brow. "So what did this Naomi chick do to you?" He immediately regretted that question when he saw Castiel hang his head low, his body seemed to shake. "Cas?" he asked. He's hand reached out and he laid it on his shoulder.

Castiel looked at his hand then back to him. Blue eyes were swimming with tears. "Dean…" he cried. The fork fell out of his hand and clattered on the table. He covered his face and let out a sob.

Dean's mouth fell open. He had never seen Cas cry before he didn't even know angels could. "Cas buddy," He jumped up and ran over to him. He knelt down beside his chair. "Cas,"

He choked back a few sobs. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Dean. "Dean she, she did terrible things to me. She… dug into my head and tried to change me… she got so frustrated with me because I wasn't like the others." He rubbed his face again and let out a mournful sob. "I don't even know what all she took from."

"What did she take?" Dean asked his voice small

"My memories. She took some I know, there's patches I can't remember now and… Dean she tried to take you away from me."

He frowned. "What do you mean take me away from you?"

He looked at him. Face was streaked with tears, eyes red and puffy. "She made me kill you." He said flatly. "Over and over and over because she wanted me to kill you myself, she wanted you gone and thought… it had to be me. She… no most of heaven if not all blame you for my fall."

Dean smirked. "Glad to know I corrupted the little choir boy and pissed off everyone in the process."

"I watched the life drain out of your body over and over again." He shook his head. "I can't… no I can never see that again." He started to sob again.

He reached up and laid his hand on his leg. "Cas," He started. He remembered several months back when Cas told him if he returned to heaven he would surely kill himself, then he remembered how scared he looked when they were trying to save Alfie. "I," What could he say? He was looking at a broken man or well in this case angel and he knew it. Nothing he could say could fix this. "Cas I… I don't know what to say that can fix this."

He shook his head. "I don't think you can." He let out another small sob. He looked defeated and it broke Dean's heart. He rubbed his face again making his eyes look redder. "I should go." He went to stand up. "I have done nothing but cause you trouble, Dean." He looked at the hunter. "I won't be a burden to you anymore."

Panic rose in Dean's mind. He remembered what Cas had about killing himself if he seen heaven would he do it now? "No!" He screamed. He lurched forward and wrapped himself around Castiel's midsection which caused the angel to loss his balance and fall over on his backside.

"Dean?" He asked. His eyes narrow in confusion along with the head tilt that damn head tilt.

He shook his head. He through caution to the wind he had to tell Cas. "Listen man, I need you." He took his hand and gripped it tightly. "I know I told you before when you were beating the crap out of me, but I mean it. I didn't say it just to get you to stop." He looked at the hand in his hands. "I… I've been a huge dick to you. I mean… I'm scared… scared of losing you but… I'm scared to get close to." He ran his fingers along the hand and looked up to Cas's face. His bright blue eyes were staring back at him. "Cas… please don't leave, don't leave me I don't think I can handle it if you… go…" he felt tears prickle the back of his eyes. "I should have told you before… I've known for a while… and when you told me that you thought about killing yourself… I just… I didn't want to seem selfish."

Castiel looked at Dean in the eyes. "I am sorry I didn't mean to worry you."

"That's," The tears broke through and Dean gave up and let himself cry. "You said you weren't going to burden me anymore, you're going to kill yourself aren't you?"

He sighed. "I'm not sure what I am going to do. But I believe it is best for you Dean if I go… I just keep hurting you and… I don't want to hurt you." His tone softened. He reached out and cradled Dean's face. "What did you mean you have known for a while?"

He shook his head and leaned into the touch of his hand. "Cas…" he stared into those blue eyes those damn eyes. He let it out he had to if Cas was going to leave him in the truest sense or if he was just going to go off the grid for a while he had to know. "I love you."

He stared at him and Dean thought he made a mistake. Castiel didn't feel the same did he? Or maybe he didn't understand. Dean went to back away, apologizes on his lips, embarrassment that he misread the room when suddenly Cas grabbed his face. Dean looked at him. His blue eyes were swimming in tears again. "Do you mean it, Dean?" He asked

He nodded. "Yeah Cas, I should have told you when we were getting the tablet. Hell I should have told you in Purgatory. But… I just ignored my feelings. I thought they were stupid, or I didn't understand them but… when we you were gone I missed you so much it hurt. When I left you in Purgatory it hurt. It hurt so badly. I had nightmares about you and then I thought you were going to kill yourself it hurt. Then you left us again and…" He stopped when Castiel leaned forward. His words died in his mouth. He looked into Cas's blue eyes; they were so blue the bluest things he had ever seen. So pretty. He followed those blue eyes as he realized that Castiel had looked down at his lips. He wondered if the angel was going to kiss him. Would he like that? He had never kissed another dude before. Hell he was just pissed off at Cas about an hour ago and now he's thinking about locking lips with him. All logical thought however ended when the angel pressed his lips to his. Dean's brain completely shut off. He reached up and put his hand on the back of Cas's head and pulled him in to deepen the kiss. He concluded that he did enjoy kissing Cas. It was like being surrounded by light, no wonder Meg looked so debauched when he got through with her. Hell Castiel Angel of the Lord was a damn good kisser. He broke the kiss and Dean moaned out his name. He pawed at his trench coat for dear life. "Cas," he moaned again. He was afraid he would leave him. That fear shook him to the core would he leave him, here on the floor begging him not to.

Castiel rubbed his back and pulled him into a hug. He whispered in his ear. "I have to go Dean." He kissed him on top of his head. "But I will be back okay." He untangled himself from Dean and stood up. "I love you too, Dean."

The air around him spun and was cold and Castiel was gone. Dean let out a sniffle he rubbed his face were Castiel had his hand on his cheek. He felt alone then he heard a cough from behind. He looked over his shoulder to see Sam standing there. "Hey Sammy." He said

"Dean you okay?" Sam asked. Dean wondered what all Sam had seen. He's little brother was by his side in a flash.

"I'm good." He lied. Sam reached out a hand and Dean took it as he helped him stand up on his feet. "I just… we were saying goodbye…"

"That was uh some good bye." Sam said he rubbed the back of his neck in unease.

He blushed. "You saw that?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry I… I came back and there it was…" he looked around then patted Dean on the shoulder. "Listen, I'm proud of you I know it took a lot of courage to do that."

He gave a small nod. "Yeah well I feel like complete crap." He rubbed his mouth. "Probably because he frenched me then left."

"Oh he slipped you some tongue?" He teased

He hit Sam's arm. "Stop it." He did feel pretty down now. Maybe he should have kept his feelings to himself.

Sam opened the fridge and got him and Dean a beer and tossed out the remains of Cas's piece of pie. He handed Dean the beer and shrugged. "Don't worry he'll be back then you two can make out at any time." He sat at the table and Dean joined him.

"If he comes back that is…" He worried about Cas. He looked up at Sam who smiled.

"He'll be back Dean I know it."

Dean just really hoped that Sam was right. He drank his beer and the feeling of unease never left him. He stared at the table. Cas would be fine. Right?


	12. Chapter 12

Acceptance

Mary Winchester sat at the table in the 'war room' of the bunker with her two children as they told her all the details of their lives for the last years. Her heart was heavy she had missed so much. Hell, she had almost missed their whole lives and now she had to learn everything about them. It was odd bizarre to her. Last she saw Sam he was a six-month old baby laying in his crib crying and here he was a grown man. Dean was a happy four years old and now he was a cynical adult. She clutched the glass of scotch her son had poured for her. She had vowed to never let her children get into the life and now here they were living as hunters.

Sam was wrapping up his story about the Apocalypse and how they had just met God and his sister, who was responsible for her coming back from the dead. "So yeah that's pretty much it. I know it's uh, a lot to take in." He pushed forward a journal. "I have been trying to journal everything that's happened. Since we've found this bunker and all I want to leave something for the next generation." He looked over at Dean. "I've wanted Dean to keep one too."

Dean shrugged. "I contribute to yours."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, so mom, I'm sure you have questions so…"

Mary looked at the journal in her hands. "It's a lot to take in. I've been gone for so long, missed so much." A pang of guilt hit her, "I," She went to speak when suddenly the angel she believed Dean said his name was Castiel walked into the room.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked his voice deep and almost emotionless. It was unsettling to Mary.

"Nah, man, we are just trying to catch mom up on everything." Dean said. He smiled fondly at the angel.

Castiel walked over to him and laid his hand on his shoulder and looked into Dean's face. He smiled briefly at him before he looked at Mary and said. "I am sure this must be difficult for you."

"I-it is," She stammered. The angel's gaze was so strong it was almost like he looked into a person's soul and she was sure he probably could. She hadn't always believed in angels or heaven. She could recall a time when her father Samuel sat her down and told her angels did not exist because if they did a hunter would have seen one by now and here was one looking at her with his hand on her son's shoulder. A new wave of unease hit as she looked at Dean then to the hand on his shoulder.

Dean seemed to have sensed her unease. He smiled at her and said. "Don't worry about Cas, mom, he's good people." Dean rested his hand on Castiel's hand. The interaction was almost loving like a couple.

Mary put two and two together. "Dean, ummm," She pointed at the two of them. "Are you two together?"

Dean looked at Castiel who looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, uh, mom, me and him are uh, a thing."

Sam chuckled. "A thing? Is that what you're calling it now?" He shook his head

She blinked and Dean blushed.

"Oh man, this isn't how I wanted to tell you." Dean said. He patted Castiel's hand and took it into his and pulled the angel's hand off his shoulder. "Me and Cas are together like you know a couple."

"How?" Mary asked out of surprise.

Castiel tilted his head and frowned. "I believe it is like most couplings. We exchanged a mutual feeling of attraction, we kissed, and then we later had coitus."

"Cas!" Dean shouted out of embarrassment. Sam started to laugh and Mary's mouth fell open. "For the love of, Cas, you don't tell people's parents about you know those things."

He blinked. "Why? She is most likely concerned about your well-being and she needs to know you are a healthy male."

"You don't talk to people's parents about their sex lives." Dean blushed and buried his hands in his hands.

Sam laid his hand on Mary's hand. "Overlook Cas. He uh, is still learning proper human etic."

"And he's failing at it." Dean mumbled between his fingers.

Mary nodded. The conversation didn't make her feel any better about the angel. She picked up the journal. "I'm uh, going to turn in I'm pretty tired." She excused herself and the three men bid her good night.

She walked into her room and sat down on the bed. She had John's journal and now Sam's. She ran her hand over her son's book and sighed. This really was too much to take in. She died, came back to life, her children were grown, they had saved the world and her oldest was… apparently having sex with an angel. She shuttered. Her hunter instincts had always been if it wasn't human it was bad. She had questioned it from time to time but she had seen many cases over and over again; humans were prey to anything non-human. They would use, eat and trick humans. Her heart thudded in her chest. She knew nothing of angels and yet they let one live with him and Dean was sleeping with it. She wondered if Sam had documented about the angels.

She flipped through the pages of the journal. She had a general idea about how they met that one but still. She stopped when she seen a section titled _Angels_. She licked her lips and began reading:

 _We first encountered one in 2009; they consider themselves to be wavelengths of celestial intent. They burn bright and therefore must take on a 'vessel'_

 _A vessel is a human host. They possess bodies like demons. However, they must have permission first and a willing host._

Mary frowned. This Castiel was inside some poor guy's body and yet her sons didn't try to help him and worse of all Dean was having some sort of relationship with the angel.

 _Angels can heal themselves and humans. They are strong but strength also depends on rank in heaven. The angel we know can smite weaker monsters and demons prior to fall. The only thing that can hurt them is an angel blade which kills the angel inside the vessel, also weak to holy oil fire. They can be trapped within a ring of it (Including archangels)_

After that there was a bunch of sigils drawn and how to make them and what they did. She got to the bottom and there was more:

 _Abilities: flying (angels lost this after the fall), time travel, dream walking, healing, smiting. They have a ranking system in heaven which governs their class and jobs. The angel we personally worked with was charged with watching over Earth. Was considered a solider. They do not need to eat or sleep. They can eat but they taste 'molecules'. Their true forms are unknown. We cannot directly look at them as it will burn our eyes out. Angels tend to view themselves superior to humans. They do not understand human emotions._

Mary stared at the passage and frowned. Her unease grew even more after reading this. The angels frankly sounded scary and yet there was one living in this bunker. She swallowed hard and her son was having relations with the monster. She didn't know what to do. Her hunter instincts told her to kill it, but on the other hand, her children trusted it so… She sighed and laid the journal down and decided to she needed another drink. Her mind was too rattled to sleep.

She walked out of her room and to the kitchen area and sitting at the table was Dean. She paused considered fleeing but decided against it. She walked into the room and he looked up at her.

"Can't sleep?" He asked as he looked up at her. He had a half-eaten sandwich in front of him.

"No, I can't," She got a beer and sat down at the table. "Dean, I…"

"It's a lot to take in I know."

She shook her head. "I've been reading Sam's journal. I read about the angels."

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Dean," She hesitated unsure of what she wanted to say. "Doesn't it bother you?"

He blinked. "Doesn't what bother me?"

"He's in some guy." She gestured vaguely. "Dean, he could kill you! What if you two break up or something what then? And he's technically immortal what about when you die what then?"

He looked down at the table and let out a heavy angry sigh. "Where you get off huh? You've been dead for most of my life and you suddenly come back and are judging me for my choices!" His voice raised in anger his jaw tight. Defiance, it was a Campbell trait and he worked it well.

"Dean, I am concerned! The angel is a powerful creature it could kill any of us and your sleeping with it!"

He chewed on his lip. "His name is Cas!" He slammed his hands on the table. "No one asked you to come back into my life and judge my choice in boyfriend you know!"

"You're right no one asked me to come back!" She snapped bitterly. She got up and left. She passed the angel on the way by. He looked at her with those eerie blue eyes.

"Is everything all right? I thought I heard shouting." Castiel said to her

She cast a glance at him and Dean shouted from the kitchen. "Stay away from her, Cas!"

Castiel stayed silent and moved past her to the kitchen and Mary went to her own room.

%%%

The unease in the bunker was palpable now. Mary and Dean didn't speak to one another at all and Dean usually kept Castiel nearby most likely afraid that she would attack the angel. She hadn't seen much of her son or the angel that day. She walked into the library hoping to find a hunt to get away from them. Sam was sitting at the table.

"So how long do you guys plan on fighting?" Sam asked. He looked up at her from his laptop.

She sat down. "He made his feelings clear. He doesn't want me around or meddling."

Sam sighed. "Dean can be harsh, mom, but… he means well." He rubbed his arm. "I know you are uneasy about the whole Cas thing but he's a good guy and he cares deeply for Dean. They love each other."

"I thought angels didn't feel emotions."

"Most don't but, Cas does or at least feels some of them." He took Mary's hand. "We trust Cas. His family and if you gave him a chance you'd see that. He may not technically be human but he's human enough. Just give him a chance."

She sighed. "Okay, I'll try. I'll try to give him a chance."

He nodded. "Good. Now please go say you're sorry to Dean. I can't take this tension anymore."

She gave a soft laugh and got up. She left the room to find Dean. She did in hindsight feel bad for how she acted. She reminded herself of her parents of when they didn't approve of John. Her father wanted her to marry another hunter to continue the family tradition of hunting. To raise kids into the life and they continue with their children. She remembered when she first found out she was pregnant she told herself she wouldn't ever tell her child they couldn't be with someone and here she did it with Dean. She sighed. Of course, her and John's relationship wasn't a bed of roses but he had moments when he made her feel like the most important woman in the world. She paused when she heard talking,

"I am very sorry that I made your mother uncomfortable." Castiel said

Mary peeked into the room. This was a room that Dean had turned into a makeshift living room. He and Castiel were sitting on the couch together and the angel was holding him.

Dean gave a shrug. "Not your fault. She shouldn't have waltzed in here telling me how to live my life."

"In her defense, if it was your child dating an angel wouldn't you be upset."

He scoffed. "Well, angels are dicks."

Castiel rolled his eyes and stroked Dean's arm all the way up to his face. It was a very loving gesture. "Langue like that would just upset your mother. She'd probably think I'm a bad guy."

"Who cares what she thinks anyway? It's not like I asked Amara to bring her back."

He leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I care."

Dean looked up at him and frowned. "Really Cas? What are you some girl looking for my mother's acceptance?"

"I have watched a lot of TV in my depressed state I saw how important it is for a parent to accept a person's partner. It was on Dr. Phil."

He rolled his eyes. "So what are you going to do drag us on Dr. Phil if we all don't get along?"

The angel smiled a pure and innocent smile. "The thought had crossed my mind. We would be able to give him enough material to have a month's worth of episodes." He stroked his face in thought. "Though I doubt he would believe that I am an angel."

He laughed. "I'd rather not go on TV with our issues." He leaned forward and kissed Castiel.

Castiel cupped his face and kissed him back. "Me either honestly. I don't understand how humans can publicly display their issues." He whispered something in Dean's ear and Dean looked towards the door.

Mary realized that Castiel must have sensed her. She gave a small knock and walked in. She looked at the two of them. She could see it. Castiel was a loving creature, he held Dean tenderly, and talked almost human-like. She smiled and Dean glared at her.

"What you want? Can't you see we're having a moment or did you come in here to stop us?" Dean snapped

She shook her head. "No, I actually came to apologize." She looked at Castiel and nodded. "I treated you unfairly and I am sorry. Dean, your right I had no right to tell you how to live your life. You two clearly love each other and I'm sorry for what I said."

"Apology accepted, Mary." Castiel said with a smile. He was clearly a very forgiving creature

Dean looked at him and then gave her another dirty look. "If Cas forgives you I guess I can try to too."

Castiel roughed up Dean's hair and Dean slapped at his hands. "Good, Dean."

"Stop it." He grumbled

She looked at Castiel. "I would like to get to know you. Especially since," She pointed at him and Dean. "Is a thing. I think it's only fair to get to know my son's boyfriend before I pass judgment."

He smiled at her. "I would like that Mary. I would like to get to know you too."

She nodded. "Good," She turned to leave and Castiel untangled himself from Dean and stood up his arms outstretched. She looked at him and frowned. "Castiel?"

He tilted his head. "I am sorry I thought that a hug was appropriate for bonding. Perhaps I was wrong, I apologize." He went to sit down and she stopped him.

"No, don't sit I'll hug you." She moved forward and the angel wrapped his arms around her. She almost surprised how strong and yet gentle the hug was, it was over pretty quick and the angel sat back on the couch with Dean who wrapped himself around Castiel almost like he was protecting him from her. She gave a soft smile at them. It would take time. She knew this, but eventually, the whole thing would be water under the bridge. She looked at the angel his presence still made her uncomfortable but now she was willing to accept him. She walked out of the room and heard the soft whispers between her son and the angel. She felt her heart ache. It reminded her of her and John. She missed him. She rubbed the tears out of her eyes as she headed back to the library. She needed to find a hunt to go on. Maybe she could take Castiel with her as a bonding experience. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.


	13. Chapter 13

Parental Advice

Dean if he was being honest, was not comfortable with the idea of having Jack around. The Nephilim was the son of Lucifer. The most powerful being in the world and yet here he was a young man (although a baby) at their table eating Lucky Charms like a normal child. He shifted uneasily. He had given Jack a small pass, a chance for forgiveness once Castiel had come back. He sipped his coffee. He was very happy to have Castiel back; probably happier than he was willing to admit. He heard the light footfalls of what he assumed were Castiel.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel greeted as he walked in. He looked at Jack and said. "Morning, Jack."

Jack looked up at him and smiled. "Good morning, father."

Dean felt ice run through his veins at that word. Father, the kid really did consider Castiel to be his father. He and Sam had told him that Lucifer was his father but Jack was attached to him. It almost made him think of cartoons where a baby animal is born and is attached to the first person they see.

Castiel sat beside Dean. He had gotten his own cup of coffee. He gave him a smile and Dean felt his heart flip.

Dean was no idiot. He was well aware he had feelings for his best friend he just kept them to himself. Whatever was going on between them they hadn't defined it yet. The two of them seemed to move in each other's paths all the time. It became worse now that Castiel had returned. It was thick and heavy in the air. Even now Sam would give Dean a look and whisper 'just tell him.' Dean studied his coffee and felt the heat form on his face. Castiel was there beside him his presence all-encompassing.

Jack looked up at them. He laid his spoon in his bowl and stared at the two of them for a minute. His head tilted as he looked back and forth at them. Jack met Dean's eyes and Dean could have sworn he saw a look of understanding as if Jack fully and completely grasped what was going on between them. Dean was glad someone did as Dean himself didn't understand it. Jack stood up from the table and picked up his bowl. "I am going to watch some TV." He informed them he laid the bowl in the sink.

"Wash the bowl, Jack." Castiel said as he sipped his coffee

Jack gave a nod and washed his bowl then laid it in the dish drainer and left.

Dean looked over at Castiel. "Getting this fathering thing down are you?"

The angel let out a loud sigh. "I am unsure about that, Dean." He wrapped his hands around his mug. "I wanted to… speak with you about it."

"About what?"

"About being a good father to Jack. I have no real example to go by." He lifted the mug to his lips and took a sip and Dean caught himself watching him more intently then he should. "I read every book I could get my hands on about parenting when Kelly was pregnant, and I've watched TV but this still feels so… unusual."

"It's unusual for all of us, Cas; we got a new person to worry about. We are all new to this."

"I was…" He looked down at the table before he looked up at Dean again. Dean got lost in his blue eyes for a minute. "I want a partner in this."

Dena blinked. "A partner? As in like a lover or,"

Castiel blushed. Dean had never seen him blush before. "No, I believe the word is co-parent. I want you to be the co-parent… we don't have to be in a relationship…" He blushed again.

"You want me to co-parent? Why me why not Sam? He's clearly a more stable person than me. I mean, God, Cas, I blamed that kid for your death. I wanted to kill him. Do you think he would want me to be a parent?"

Castiel sighed. "I believe you would be better than Sam. You have more experience."

"I don't have any experience."

"You took care of Ben for at least a year, and you pretty much raised Sam."

"That doesn't mean I,"

"Dean," He cut him off. "I am asking you, please, Sam is a good man. You helped him become that good man. I want your help with the human half of Jack and help him become a good man."

"You're putting a lot of faith in me, Cas."

Castiel let go of the mug and reached over and took Dean's hand. "I will always place my faith in you. You are the one who helped me find my free will. Even when we fight I still trust you and I believe in you."

Dean looked at the hand and then at Castiel. He licked his lips. "I threatened to kill him…" he trailed off

"I can see he looks up to you. He is always studying you, Dean. Doing what you do." Castiel still had his hand. "I can't imagine doing this alone and I want you to be with me every step of the way."

Dean looked at the hand. "Okay, fine. I'll co-parent." He smiled and squeezed his hand and Castiel returned the squeeze. He licked his lips again and said. "You know most people wait until they are in a relationship before they start raising kids."

Castiel stared into Dean's eyes his face turned red. "But we have known each other for years so…"

"Cas, what the hell is going on between us?"

The angel looked down almost as if ashamed. "I do not know, Dean. I was hoping you could tell me. I have noticed that… the tension between us has… changed."

"Tension between us?"

He chewed on his lower lip. "Dean, I may be an angel but I have noticed that we have a relationship that friends do not have. I watched TV and movies this is more like a… romance."

Dean felt his eyes go wide. A romance? Was that really how it seemed to Cas? "You think we are in a romantic relationship?"

He tilted his head. "It feels like one. I just… assumed you were uncomfortable with your feelings or afraid so I left it alone. You are my human, Dean. I will still care, no I will still love you even if you don't love me the same."

"I," He felt like a truck hit him. "Cas, if you felt that way why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to upset you. Plus, I told you once on my deathbed and you… well, you seemed unfazed so I thought you didn't share the same feelings."

"You mean in that barn? I thought you meant family love."

He tilted his head. "No," He sighed. "Let me be as clear as possible. I love you, Dean." He reached out and laid his hand on his face. "I love you, Dean and only you. I have never felt this way towards anyone before. When we are apart it hurts, when we are together I feel complete this is why I want us to raise Jack together. I want him to be raised in a loving relationship. Even if you don't love me the same he can still see we have love between us and understand that families love each other."

Dean let the words sink in. They warmed his heart in ways he had never felt before. His heart pounded in his chest. Castiel loved him and that made him feel… great. He felt like he was hearing what he needed to hear. The love bloomed in his chest the untold feelings between them exposed and raw. He stared into the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. He laid his hand on Castiel's cheek. "Cas, I… I love you too." Dean felt his heart flip when he saw Castiel's eyes light up.

"You do?"

Dean nodded. "I think I have for a while I just… given what we do I was afraid of what would happen if we got together, but even as just friends… you still go hurt… I can't always protect you." He stared into his eyes. "I want to keep you safe." He noticed Castiel look down at his lips. Dean licked them. "I feel a lot better now that I told you how I feel." The next thing Dean felt was Castiel's dry but soft lips press against his. Dean felt his heart warm even more. Want filled his body. He had wanted this for so long he hadn't realized it. He needed Castiel, wanted him, his desire was strong. He wrapped his hand around the back of his head and deepened the kiss. He flicked his tongue against Castiel's lips for entrance into his mouth. Castiel obeyed and let him in. Their tongues explored each other when he heard a noise.

"Oh, it looks like Sam was wrong you two are together." Jack stated

The angel and the hunter jumped and pulled away from each other. Dean turned to see Jack in the doorway with a shell shocked Sam standing behind him. He felt his face heat up. "I uh,"

"No, we just decided that we are a couple." Castiel said. He flung his arm around Dean's shoulders.

Dean looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He didn't remember agreeing to be a couple but he wasn't against it. "Yeah, we are… together."

Jack smiled. "Good, you two seem happier." He walked over to the fridge and got himself a soda and left the kitchen as if nothing had happened.

Sam was still standing there with his mouth half open.

"Close your mouth, Sam; you're going to catch flies." Dean teased. Castiel gave him a small kiss on top of his head.

"Sorry." Sam said. He turned and left the room and Dean was pretty sure he heard his brother say something about being scarred for life now.

Dean looked over at Castiel and smiled. "Well, the kid didn't seem to be surprised."

The angel nodded. "Yeah, but I'm worried about Sam."

Dean laughed and got up and held out his hand. "Let's go and be a couple then. How about we go and see a movie or take a walk in the park."

He took his hand. "I like the walk idea. We can go watch the bees."

"Whatever makes you happy baby."

"You make me happy, Dean. Us makes me happy." Castiel said with a big smile

Dean smirked. "Cas, you are such a sap." And the two of them walked hand in hand to the Impala to have their first official date. Dean had never felt so happy in his life so complete and in the sort ten minutes he had gotten a boyfriend and a son.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: So even though in this chapter Dean has been turned into a woman. I will still refer to him as a him to keep from confusing myself when I wrote this lol.

Gender Swap

Dean Winchester didn't like witches. No, that was an understatement he hated them. They were always creepy, unnerving and for some reason liked to toss around curses like a nerf ball. The only witch he could even really tolerate was Rowena and even right now his tolerance was wearing thin. "Does she know anything?" He asked his brother in a snippy tone.

"Calm down, Dean." Sam said his tone soft and reassuring.

Dean could hear Rowena laugh through the phone and his anger flared.

Sam put her on speaker and sat the phone down on the table. They were staying at a small motel. They had come to town on a basic hunt. An every day come and deal with a witch situation but nope she had to put her whammy on Dean then take off. Dean wondered why he was always the one getting cursed by witches. Maybe they sensed he didn't like them.

Still laughing Rowena spoke through the phone. "So I think I got the general idea of what happened." She laughed. "How's it feel, Dean, to be a woman?"

Dean let out a long-suffering sigh and crossed his arms across his chest which felt weird. "Weird, just weird."

She laughed again. "Oh, Sam, you must send me a picture so I can see this."

"No, no pictures." Dean said

"Can you help us or not, Rowena?" Sam asked

"Oh, of course, dears, I can probably whip up a cure. Although I do need to see Dean to be able to do that." Rowena said her voice full of mirth

"How long will you be?" Dean asked.

"Should be about an hour maybe." They could hear Rowena packing stuff. "I'll call you when I'm closer." She hung up the phone.

Dean looked at the phone as Sam picked it up. "It would be easier if we just killed the witch."

Sam sighed. "Dean, we don't know what exactly she did to you."

"I do, she made me a woman." He looked down at himself. He was still his same height and had the same haircut, the only really big difference is he had breasts and he lost his manhood in the transaction. "I feel so weird. These things are hurting my back too." He stretched. About that time there was a knock at their door. Dean went to answer the door to find Castiel standing there with Jack.

The angel blinked then looked at Sam. "I am sorry, Sam, I was unaware you were having an uh, guest."

Sam smirked and chuckled. "No, Cas, that's,"

"It's me, Cas," Dean said

Castiel tilted his head and scowled. "Dean?"

He nodded. "Yeah, Cas, it's me."

Jack's mouth fell open. "What happened?"

"I got cursed by the witch we were tracking." He moved out of the door to let them in. "We lost her but not before she did this." He said gesturing over his body or well her body as the case may be.

"That's why we called you guys." Sam said. "We don't know what all that curse involves. I'm worried about leaving him alone."

Dean let out an annoyed sigh. Ever since that last curse where he lost his memory, Sam had become uneasy whenever something black magic related happened to him. "Dude, come on, all she did was make me into a chick."

Sam looked at him. "We don't know that. Remember how that memory loss curse escalated what if this one does it too?"

He rolled his eyes. "Like how? I wake up pregnant."

He shrugged. "Maybe,"

Castiel walked up to Dean and looked over him. "From what I can sense this isn't an ordinary curse."

"Great." Dean said with a sigh.

"I do not know the extent of," His words trailed off and he started to stare at Dean's chest.

Dean felt his face redden. "Cas," He said his voice full of warning.

"Sorry," He looked up at him. "I can sense it's not a regular curse but I cannot determine how."

Jack looked at Sam. "You want us to find the witch?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah if you can track her down that'd be good. But keep your distance she's powerful."

Castiel looked at Dean then at Sam. "Perhaps I should stay with Dean and you go with Jack." He suggested

Dean felt his face redden again and his heart rate increase. He mentally frowned at himself, what the hell Dean why would Cas staying with him cause his heart rate to increase?

Sam looked at Dean and nodded. "Rowena is on her way if anything weird happens call us or her okay?" He patted Jack's shoulder. "Let's go, Jack."

"Okay, Sam," He looked at Castiel and gave him a nod. "Have fun."

Dean noticed how flustered Castiel looked after Jack said that. Dean looked at Castiel he thought about asking about it but changed his mind. He sat down on the bed and turned on the TV. He looked up at Castiel and said. "This feels so weird." He looked down at himself. "I've been a guy my whole life and now, man, I hope this isn't permeant. I don't think I want to get used to wearing a bra."

Castiel gave a nod and sat beside him on the bed. "I am sure it is strange for you as a creature used to being a certain gender."

Dean looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "Sometimes I forget that you aren't technically a man." He chewed on his lip and studied him for a minute. "That's something I had wondered,"

"What is it, Dean?"

"Have you had a female vessel before?"

"A few times. Why you ask?"

He shrugged. "Just wondered what you would have been like as… a girl I guess."

He tilted his head. "I am the same no matter the vessel I take."

Dean stared at him and Castiel stared back. Dean could feel the sparks floating in the air. He licked his lips and tried to clear his mind. He had long since had a crush on Castiel. He knew for a while he wasn't as straight as he thought he was, Castiel was the one that truly made him question that. He had a list of reasons as to why he couldn't pursue it. Castiel was in the body of some other dude (though that dude was gone), Dean was never sure if Castiel was even interested in others like that. Though when he thought about the angel had kissed Meg, and banged the reaper April (though he was human at the time) either way they were in female meat suites. He rubbed his hands on his pants. Was that why Cas was staring at him so hard now? "You okay there, Cas? I know it's probably hard to get used to but this probably isn't permeant."

He tilted his head and squinted his eyes. "No, Dean, it's not that." He kept staring at him.

He sighed. "Cas," He started his voice soft. Much softer with the feminine tone. "What if I don't turn back? What if I… stay a woman?" Dean felt uneasy asking. He knew how it wanted to come off he wanted to know if their relationship would change and if so then how. He could practically feel the sparks coming off of one another.

He gave him a smile. "Dean, I like you no matter what form you're in."

"Now when you say like, what do you mean by like?"

He reached out and took Dean's face. He stared deeply into his eyes. Dean forgot how to breathe. Castiel's eyes were so blue and beautiful. "I think you know exactly what I mean." His voice was deeper and huskier than usual.

Dean felt a fluttering in his stomach as Castiel leaned closer. "Cas?" He asked it came out as a breathy sound. They were going to kiss. His heart pounded in his chest. He wanted this, yes he wanted this so bad to kiss Cas and keep kissing him. There was a knock at the door. "Son of a bitch!" He shouted. He jumped up from the bed which caused Castiel to tumble over.

"Dean!" He shouted in annoyance

He looked back at the angel. "We'll finish this later." He opened the door and Rowena was standing there.

"Oh my, aren't you a fetching woman, Dean." She said as she walked in. She spotted the flustered looking Castiel on the end of the bed. "Oh no," She turned to Dean. "You didn't kiss him did you?"

He blinked. "No, I mean,"

Castiel let out a huff. "We were going to then you showed up."

"Cas!"

Rowena shook her head and sat her bag down on the table. "Good thing I showed up when I did then."

"Why?" Dean asked

"Because if I was a half a second too late you'd been dead by now," She pulled out a book and laid it out. "I did research on the way over. This is a special curse but I found it in this book." She tapped the page. "The witch you ran into she created the spell. It is the true love curse."

Dean frowned. "True love then why,"

"Let me finish. It eliminates inhibitions from a person they have feelings for. So pretty much, you like Cas and Cas likes you and under the curse, any doubts you two have is gone. Your bodies almost crave each other until you finally kiss."

"That would explain a lot." Dean said with a sigh

Castiel blushed. "I had wondered why I was drawn to him so strongly."

"It's a powerful spell." Rowena said

"Then why did it turn me into a woman?" Dean asked

She smirked. "It's a side effect actually. Usually, the spell doesn't work apparently she has been trying over and over with it experimenting with it." She smiled. "It only works on people who are truly in love and in denial."

"So how do we break the curse?" Dean asked

"I got the cure here. Thankfully this witch loved to brag about her work and did a lot of spell books." She pulled out a bowl and started to pour in ingredients. "But, you'll owe me something."

"Rowena," Dean growled. "I am not in the mood to play your games."

She smiled and looked over at Castiel who was glaring at her. "Real simple, dear, once I lift the curse confess to each other. Stop with this vague will that won't they mess." She added something else to the mixture. "I see you two stare at each other when you guys are around and it's sad. I'm tired of it frankly and I'm sure Sam and Jack are too." She added something else. "And your mother and whoever else you know." She added the last thing. "Even Fergus was taking bets with his demons about if you two were going to hook up or not."

Dean opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off.

"You two are that obvious and it's pathetic. For land's sake, your adults act like it." She plucked a hair from Dean's head which was met with protest. She dropped it in and said some Latin words.

Dean felt a tingling sensation in his body then smoke wrapped around him. He let out a yelp and he looked down. The breasts were gone and he could feel his manhood back where it was supposed to be. "Oh man, thanks, Rowena."

"Your welcome." She pointed at Castiel. "Now go kiss him." She gathered up her stuff and left the motel.

Dean suddenly felt nervous. He was alone with Castiel again and well they were about to kiss and now… he looked back at Castiel who was staring at him. Dean swallowed. What if Castiel really only did like him because he was a girl? Or because of the spell? He stared at Castiel and felt his face heat up. Castiel was a very handsome man, his dark messy hair, those deep blue eyes, his soft smile that he reserved for special occasions. Dean had forgotten exactly when he had fallen head-over-hills for Cas but he knew he did. His heart rate increased, his palms became sweaty his mouth all to dry. He wanted Cas in the worse way possible. "Cas," He said his voice unsure and breathy.

Castiel got up off the bed and slowly walked over to him. His eyes dark, "I believe you told me we would pick up what we started." He was up to Dean now they were almost chest to chest. He cupped Dean's face and Dean's eyes blew wide. His lips were almost on his when he spoke again. "Dean, I'm sure it is very clear now but, I love you. I have for a very long time. And I would love nothing more to shower you with kisses. We have a lot of lost time to make up for." His lips brushed his as he spoke and it sent a tingle down Dean's back.

"I love you too, Cas." He said and closed the gap. Their lips met, Dean felt the sparks from before fly off the two of them as they deepened the kiss. Lips slotted together it was the best feeling in the world to Dean. His hands roamed through Castiel's hair and he let out a content moan.

Castiel returned the moan as his hands explored Dean's back. He showered Dean with more 'I love yous' He kissed Dean along his jawline and down his neck as he praised him. "Dean, I love you so much. I'm sorry I never told you sooner." He breathed into Dean's shoulder.

"It's okay, Cas, no use worrying about lost time. We got each other now." Dean kissed Castiel over and over. He lost track of time but it didn't matter to him. What mattered now were him and Cas and him showing Cas how much he did love him.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Takes place in season 7

The Coat

Dean Winchester felt lost. He had experienced many pains in his life. The last few years had been hard on him. Sam had gone to Hell and back and lost his soul in the process, he had Lisa and Ben and lost her shortly thereafter, Bobby had passed away, and Cas. It was all too much. His brother was becoming sicker with every passing day. He wasn't sleeping anymore Dean knew this. Sam was hallucinating and everything.

Dean's soul ached he wanted someone to talk to who understood it all. Bobby was gone now, he didn't want to add to Sam's mental burden, and Cas was gone. His chest clenched at the thought of Cas. The angel had saved his ass and then turned around and busted open Purgatory and let out those nasty Leviathans.

He pulled his keys out of his pocket as he walked to his car. Castiel had thought himself God right before he plunged himself in that lake. Dean frowned he could still see it Cas covered in that black ooze as he walked into the lake. It haunted his dreams. He pulled Bobby's flask out of his pocket and took a nice long drink. He felt the amber liquid warm his throat and his stomach. Sam was right he was drinking too much. He pocketed the flask. He felt sometimes it was the only thing that was keeping him going. The last memento of Bobby a keepsake he was actually using. He would join the ranks of his biological father and his adoptive father; a drunk.

He stuck the car keys into the Impala's trunk. He needed to get their bags since they were staying the night at this motel. There it was looking at him like a harsh reminder saying 'hey you had a friend once'. Castiel's tan trench coat. He stared at it. He himself didn't understand why he picked it up. He remembered the looks Bobby and Sam gave him. Bobby's was one of understanding Sam's was of confusion. Dean didn't understand it himself. He looked at the dirty coat that was covered in blood and black ooze and it made him nauseous. Images of Castiel covered in that goo popped in his head.

He closed his eyes and could see the weakened angel standing in front of the Purgatory gate his body weaving as he looked back at him and said.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

He chewed on his lip. He remembered when Cas said it before he asked him if he felt better afterward and the angel told him 'no'. His heart ached again. He was still staring at the coat. He had wished he had a chance to make things right with the angel. He was angry at him. Castiel had worked with Crowley behind their backs, brought back Sam with no soul (though Cas said that was an accident), brought in the Leviathans which lead to Bobby's death, and cracked open Sam's gourd. He should hate the angel. Should hate him with every fiber of his being but, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He ran his hand along the coat and sighed heavy. He did not understand his feelings towards the angel. He had never felt this way about anyone before not even Lisa and he thought he loved her. He picked up the coat and ran the fabric in his hands. The texture was soothing. The feel of the fabric was grounding. He had a few times considered washing the coat and wearing it just so he could touch it and feel like Cas was still with him but then it would wash off the last remaining scents of Cas. Cas had a pleasant smell; Earthy, otherworldly and a hint of the cologne that Jimmy had worn that day. Castiel didn't have to wash his clothes or even take a shower because angels didn't really sweat but he certainly had his own smell. And if the coat was washed the last traces of Cas would be gone.

He looked up when he heard the door to the motel room shut. Sam was walking towards him. "You should be sleeping."

Sam gave a nod. "Yeah, well, you took too long to get the bags and I got worried." Sam spotted the coat and looked at Dean. His little brother's face transformed into one of pity and sorrow and he was the one with a messed up head. Thanks to the man whose coat he was carrying around in their trunk that he couldn't let go of. "Thinking about Cas?" Sam asked as he reached in and got his bags.

Dean frowned and scoffed. "Nope." He grabbed his own bags and fought the urge to take the dirty coat in with him as he shut the trunk.

"Dean, you can talk about it you know. I know he was your friend and that you cared about him."

He glared at him. "What are you getting at, Sammy?" Dean deflected as that was what Dean does. Dean didn't want to talk about it. Sam was burdened enough, the world was in danger, and Cas was dead what is the point of him talking about his possible homosexual feelings towards the angel. He started to the motel and Sam followed him.

"I'm not getting at anything, Dean. You're awfully defensive today."

They walked into the motel room. Dean laid his bags on the bed and took out what he needed for the night. He emptied his flask then refilled it. The warmth traveled his stomach and yet he wasn't drunk. He still felt pain. Pain at the loss of his father figure and pain over Castiel. Anger flashed over him. Why did Cas have to do that to them? If Cas had just come to him for help none of this would have happened. He growled in anger and kicked his bed. He felt Sam's eyes boring holes into him.

"I'm uh, going to go out for a bit." Sam whispered. He picked up his jacket and headed to the door.

Dean looked over his shoulder and shrugged. He figured Sam was getting away from him for the night. Dean sat down in anger and let out another growl as he downed the flask again. He refilled it and thought about just drinking straight out of the bottle. He finished the flask and put it in his pocket and started to drink from the bottle. The world was starting to become hazy just like he wanted. He didn't want to feel pain anymore. He didn't want to feel anything. He started to sob as the liquor took hold. He missed Cas he wanted him here. Hell, he'd give anything for a hug right now from him so he could bury his head in his chest and take in his scent. He wished he had acted on his feelings when he had a chance. Sure banging an angel would probably give him a first class ticket to hell, maybe, he didn't know he wasn't sure; but he wished he had told him. He drank from the bottle. He had thought about Cas a lot when he was with Lisa. He tried not to think about anyone. He ignored calls from Bobby, assumed Sam was dead but Cas he found himself wondering if the angel had watched over him. He let out a strangled cry. God, did he remember a few times with Lisa he fantasied it was Cas he was making love to. He had denied it told himself his mind was just being weird but… it happened several times. He leaned back on the bed and sighed. He remembered all those times how close he came to calling out Cas in the bedroom, those fun times in the shower by himself. He chewed his lower lip as he tingled at the thought. It had been something he had done before his mind trying to find some fantasy for him and bam blue eyes, black hair…

Dean took another swig from the bottle. He didn't understand if he loved the angel or just felt an attraction to him or what. He remembered when he last had Cas in the Impala after Sam went to the cage he had briefly entertained the idea of spending more time with the angel to learn and understand why the angel made him feel that way but Cas took off. He downed the rest of the bottle and tried to set it on the table. He missed and the bottle crashed to the floor with a loud thud. He stared at it and shrugged. "Fuck it." He mumbled as he crawled to the top of the bed. His head was swimming now the booze taking over his body. He grabbed the pillow and pulled it close to his body. He had thought about that coat the coat that smells like Cas that carried the last traces of him on it. He rubbed his chin on the pillow and tossed it aside.

He stumbled out of bed and staggered out to his car. He opened the trunk and stared at the coat. "What are you doing, Dean?" He asked himself as he picked up the dirty coat. He staggered back into the room and stood by Sam's bed. What if Sam came back and found him with it? What would he tell him? _Yeah, Sam, I got really lonely and a little horny so I decided to cuddle a coat like a security blanket and I had lewd thoughts about an angel._ Yeah, that would get Sam off his back. He chuckled to himself as he got in the bed with the coat. He looked at it covered in ooze and now he wished he had washed it. It wasn't exactly sanitary now that he thought about it. He shrugged. He would change his clothes in the morning and the sheets weren't his so he didn't give a damn. Truthfully, the funky coat was probably the cleanest thing that had ever been in the bed. He lay down and pulled the coat on top of himself like a blanket and drifted off to sleep.

Dean woke up when his phone was ringing. He bolted upright his head pounded and the room spun. He blindly grabbed at the offensive item and answered it quickly. "Yeah." He growled into it.

"Hello? Mr. Winchester?"

He frowned. "Who the hell is this?" he snapped

"Oh… I am a nurse at Northern Indiana State Hospital. Are you Dean Winchester?"

His mind was foggy why would a hospital call him? "Yeah, I'm Dean."

"You were listed on your brother's emergency contacts."

He sobered up quickly after that. He looked over at the other bed and saw that there was no Sam in it. "What happened to, Sam?"

"He was hit by a car. He's okay physically its… well, it'd better if you got down here and seen."

He hung up the phone. He got up and packed up everything and tossed it all in the trunk including Sam's bags. He stared at the tan coat. His heart wrenched. Sam's condition was Castiel's fault and here he was the night before wishing the angel was with him. He glared at it and shut the trunk. He got in the car and drove to the hospital.

A complete mental break; that was what Sam had. Dean walked out of the hospital was heading to his car. He was truly alone now. Sam had finally snapped. He had to do something to help him. He had to. If he hadn't pushed Cas the angel wouldn't have cracked Sam like an egg. A new found wave of anger flashed through him as he got in the car. He started it up and started to drive to Rufus's cabin. The weight of the coat felt heavy in the trunk. He had a passing thought to toss it in the woods and forget about it but he didn't. He couldn't do it. It was the last thing of Cas's he had.

He got to the cabin and got in the trunk to get Bobby's contact book. He stopped and looked at the coat. The damn thing, he thought about burning it. He reached to it and grabbed it the fabric was soft and warm. He paused and ran his hand along it. He wished Castiel was there he could heal Sam. He took the contact book inside and went through Bobby's contacts. None of them knew anything. His frustration mounted if only he had Cas who could heal his brother then he would be fine. The contact book fell on the floor and a contact card fell out. He stared at it as if it was a sign. He picked it up and called the number. Next thing he knew, he was on his way to see some faith healer.

Dean didn't believe in faith healers they were often scam artists and conmen. He was skeptical of the guy when he first got there but nothing had prepared him for what he saw when he got there. Skepticism be damned, this dude was Cas. He called himself Emanuel and was married. Dean felt a brief flash of jealousy when he looked at Daphne the woman Cas had apparently married. At first, Dean had thought that Cas was just pretending; that he had come up with a fake identity to deal with the things he had done but soon he realized Cas really didn't remember anything. The angel with no memory offered to help Dean. Dean's heart was heavy. He was unsure of how to feel about Cas now. Cas had done so many bad things before he had died and he had almost forgiven him for the most part but being face to face with the angel that caused such conflicting feelings within himself made him even more confused. He suddenly felt very aware of the coat in the trunk as if it was a beacon. Like Dean had somehow known that he was going to meet his angel again and he could return it to him.

He mentally sighed as he got behind the wheel of the car. He knew that wasn't it. He wanted some reminder of Cas so he knew he was real. Even with everything that had happened he just wanted a reminder of his friend. He had no pictures of him just his memory and a ratty coat in the trunk. Now here he was and Dean was telling Castiel about himself. Funny how life is sometimes.

They arrive at the mental hospital along the way they had picked up the demon Meg. Dean was afraid to tell Emanuel he was Cas. He was afraid if he did then Cas would have a mental breakdown too. What Cas did was terrible. He knew if the man knew that he had done these terrible things it might break him. Dean's heart nearly melted when those words came out of Castiel's mouth.

"Am I Cas?"

Dean barely registered what happened after that, he remembered Meg telling him he could take on all those demons by himself. He remembered pulling out that trench coat and handing it to Cas. Handing off the coat felt right; it completed Castiel he wasn't the same without his coat. He watched as the figure in the coat walked down to the demons and smite them all. Cas was back and Dean still wasn't sure how he felt about it.

They managed to save Sam from the demon that was going to fry his brain. Dean watched helplessly as Castiel tried to heal Sam who was so broken so damaged. He watched his friend's face as he looked at his little brother. It was masked with guilt regret and pain; a pain one never truly gets over. Dean was and still was slightly angry at Castiel for what he had done to his brother but looking at it now he could see a brief flash of guilt.

The angel looked at him and said. "I can't heal him the damage is too great. However, I can take on his burden on myself."

Dean felt a brief twinge of guilt. One life for the other. His brother or his angel no other options. He watched as Castiel took on Sam's burden. Sam awoke as if nothing had been wrong and Castiel… well, his wild-eyed glances at the walls were evidence enough. He watched the angel fall into a coma. He couldn't stop him, couldn't save him, and couldn't do anything but watch as he gave up.

Dean looked at Sam who looked back at him. They got the angel onto the bed and left him there. They walked into the hall and there was Meg waiting for them.

She looked into the room and sighed. "Well, so much for my protection." She glared at Dean. "Here I was hoping me and him could ride off into the sunset." She said sarcastically. She crossed her arms and looked back at him.

"I…" Dean started he shook his head. "I have a favor to ask."

She raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Can you watch over him? While we are gone, in case he wakes up you know." Dean felt defeated when he asked. He wanted to stay with Cas. He felt bad enough for leaving Sam to deal with his mess now he's doing again to Cas.

She gave a nod. "Yeah, be a good insurance policy." She shrugged.

Dean frowned. He hated to ask her. He knew that she would somehow use it against them but it was better than nothing. At least if Cas woke up they would know.

She smiled a curious smile and asked. "So, Dean, why did you keep that coat?"

Dean ignored the question and left the hospital with Sam. He didn't know his reasoning himself and he wasn't about to talk about his feelings and much less with Meg.

Dean spent nearly every day thinking about Cas after that day. He never told Sam he kept it to himself. Every time he got something out of the Impala's trunk he would notice how the coat was gone. The constant reminder of the angel was gone now. He had no coat to sneak to bed and cuddle with as he fantasied about Cas, he had no coat to run his hands over, and he missed it. It and the flask filled with alcohol had been helping him cope with everything that had happened. Him and Sam continued hunting, they were still working on what Dick Roman was doing and how to stop the Leviathans. The constant work was a good distraction and the need for him to hold the coat dissipated. Then they found the tablet and then he received a phone call that he had been eagerly waiting for.

"Cas is awake." Meg had said. But she warned them that he wasn't the same.

Dean had practically torn up the pavement as he sped to the mental hospital. Sam in the passenger seat and tablet in the bag; he had questions for the angel but he just needed to see him.

Dean was almost knocked on his ass when he did see Castiel. The angel was simply not himself and that was an understatement. He would ramble on and on with no real point to his talking, he broke the lights for the hell of it and worse yet he made a sad attempt at apologizing with a game of _Sorry_. Dean felt anger. He was made at himself for not being there for Cas, and mad at Cas for breaking Sam and thus causing this to happen, giving him the run around with his questions, the angel had become an irritation and yet. He felt pity for him. He wanted to take the angel home and look after him.

The days went on like that, Dean and Sam continued to look for ways to gank the Leviathans and Castiel well… he became a mockery of himself. It came to a head when Crowley had told them they needed Castiel to defeat Dick Roman. Confronting Castiel on the subject was painful, to say the least. He refused to fight now stating he watched the bees now. Then finally Castiel said to him. "I'm cursed, Dean."

He looked at Castiel. His emotions had flooded over. He had forgiven him he was at a point he was happy to see him again and personally he just wanted his beloved friend back. "Cursed or not, Cas, there is no one else I would rather have by my side."

The smile that Castiel had given him after that had made Dean question if he was truly insane or not. He began to wonder if the angel had been 'playing' crazy. Maybe Castiel had been doing it as a defense mechanism. Dean understood that the angel had a hard time understanding emotions. They were a 'human' thing something a wavelength of celestial intent had no use for. Dean smiled back at Cas and patted him on the shoulder as the other man looked down and fiddled with the sleeve of his coat.

Dean couldn't recall what took over but he reached out and took Castiel's hand. The angel looked up at him; his head cocked in confusion. "I missed you." Dean said. His voice the softest he could ever manage. He pulled the angel close for a hug. He hugged him tightly the other man didn't hug back for a minute then Castiel asked.

"Am I supposed to hug back?"

He laughed. "Yes, Cas." He felt his arms wrap around him. He buried his head in his shoulder and took in his scent. It was hard to do since the angel was shorter than him but he managed. He never wanted to let him go. He wanted to memorize this moment like he had the coat in the trunk. He ran his hands along Castiel's back and felt the fabric on his back. The coat felt better on the angel than it ever did on its own.

"Dean?" Castiel asked. The hunter could feel the vibrations of his voice through his body.

Dean suddenly felt self-conscious. He had been caressing the man for goodness sake. He pulled away and looked at the angel he wasn't sure what for maybe to gauge his reaction. He was surprised by what he saw. Castiel looked at him. His blue eyes bore into him and it was an expression less of confusion and more of… love, adoration? Dean wasn't sure but it wasn't one of anger. "Sorry." Dean said. He felt his face heat up.

Castiel blinked. His gaze still held his. Dean shifted uncomfortably as Castiel stared him down. "Dean, I…" The angel frowned in his typical way. "I have watched humanity for years," He rubbed his arms and held his gaze with Dean. "I have never," He looked away.

"What is it, Cas?" Dean reached out and laid his hand on his friend's shoulder. He felt like this was a turning point. It was the moment. The moment they both needed and wanted. They had been dancing around it for about a year now it was like water boiling on a pot. If something wasn't done then they would both overflow and spill out. They needed this. His heart pounded. This was it. It had to be.

Castiel looked at him. His blue eyes sparkled. Crazy Cas was gone and regular Cas was taking over. "I never felt this way before for… anyone. Much less a human." He looked away then back into his eyes. "It's not normal… maybe it's because of the burden I took on." He looked away and Dean could see the shame on his face.

Dean licked his lips and said. "Cas, listen, feelings are hard to understand I don't doubt that,"

Castiel cut him off. "Dean, we should deal with the Leviathans." He sighed. "I caused this I should help end it."

"You don't get off that easy." He said his voice was gruffer than what he meant to be. Castiel shot him a dangerous look and Dean knew the conversation was over. A too long hug and eye fucking was all Dean was going to get out of Castiel.

They didn't get an opportunity to talk about it after that. They made plans and had went on to kill Dick Roman. Dean and Castiel were now in Purgatory. Castiel had flown off and left Dean alone. The hunter was angry at him for leaving him alone to fight monsters. He took on hoards and hordes of nasties as he searched for Castiel. Many monsters he would stop and demand. "Where's the angel?" He had to find Castiel. He couldn't leave without him and he wasn't dying alone and he certainly wasn't going to die before they discussed their feelings. He picked up Benny along the way who had informed him that 'three was a crowd.' Dean wasn't having it. He informed him that they looked for Castiel or the vampire wasn't going to use him to get out of there and that was that.

When they had found Castiel it was all Dean could do not to pour his feelings to the angel. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him how much he needed him. He could see that now in the time they were apparent when he was in the coma, when he was insane, and when he took off in Purgatory. That was why he kept the coat. He wanted no he needed his angel. Loving the angel was as simple as breathing to him now.

They stared at each other breathing in the moment much to Benny's discomfort. The vampire in question finally insisted they keep moving and thus the eye sex between man and angel ended and Dean was disappointed.

They wandered through the woods in search of a portal they may or may not find. Dean kept looking over at Castiel. He stayed beside him worried about the angel vanishing again. "We never got to finish our conversation." He said to him

Castiel blushed slightly and gave a nod. "Not sure now is a good time either."

"Come on, Cas, one of us could die out here."

Castiel looked at Benny who was focusing on what was ahead. He looked back at Dean and shook his head. "This isn't easy for me. I'm…" He looked down at the ground.

Dean laid his hand on his shoulder. "Cas, please I just…" His mouth heavy with words. He wasn't sure what to say to him. They stared at one another. He broke the gaze to look at Benny. The vampire gave him a smirk even he had figured it out and they only knew each other for a few days.

"How about a break, Dean?" Benny suggested. "I'm sure you are tired. You are human and I see a cave." He pointed into the trees.

Dean looked at Castiel. He bore into him hoping to communicate with his eyes more so than his words. "Let's go."

They walked back to the cave they went in. Benny told them he was going to take first watch. Dean realized the vampire was giving them space and time to talk. He made a note to thank him later. He watched as Castiel started a fire. Castiel looked tired. He didn't know angels could get that way. He noticed how his facial hair had grown in and how dirty his clothes were. The long-loved coat had seen better days now.

Dean sat beside Castiel. He reached out and took his hand. "Cas, we need to talk."

Castiel frowned. He looked away then back at him. "I am sorry, Dean. For everything." He looked down at the fire then back to him.

Dean reached up and ran his hand along his beard. "Cas, I'm terrible at feelings and you don't understand them but… damn it…" He looked into the fire as it cracked.

"Why did you keep the coat?" The question broke all of Dean's thoughts.

"What?" He looked at him.

Castiel tilted his head. "Humans confuse me. You are angry with me, but you kept my coat…"

Dean laughed and Castiel frowned at him. "Is it not obvious?"

"No, or else I wouldn't have asked."

"I thought it was clear when we talked before we took on Dick that I that we… well, I thought you…"

"Please, Dean, make some type of sense. I can't follow this broken conversation."

Dean ran his hand along Castiel's arm feeling the dirty coat. "I kept the coat because it reminded me of you. It helped me… get through the tough times when you were gone."

"Tough times?"

"When I missed you and I wanted you… Cas, I know you being an angel can't understand but I wanted you there… with me telling me everything is fine. See… I would run my hands along it and think of you like you were there, I even slept with it." He regretted telling him that when the angel frowned at him. "I'm sorry. I don't think you,"

"Dean, I… I wanted to tell you then but once my head got clear I didn't think it was… mutual… Dean, I think I…" He sighed. "This is foolish."

Dean cupped his chin and made Castiel look at him. "I kept thinking about it. My feelings aren't as platonic as I want them to be. Cas, I love you. I denied it but the more I did the harder it became and it hurt when you were gone. Yes, I was angry at you. You messed up bad but… I can forgive you and only because it's you. If it was anyone else I would have killed them."

Dean watched Castiel's body melt into the touch. He watched the angel go through all of the emotions he was feeling. "Dean, I think I love you too."

He smiled at him even though he saw a great sadness in Castiel's eyes. He leaned forward and captured his lips with his. It was a brief kiss but it was a kiss full of promise and forgiveness. They loved each other.

When the kiss broke Castiel looked at him and smiled a sad smile again. "You should rest, Dean." He took off that dirty coat. He patted his thigh and Dean laid down head on his leg. Castiel draped the coat over his form. The angel ran his fingers through Dean's hair. Dean felt himself drift off to sleep the coat he had carried around in the trunk warm and soft against his body. He was glad he had saved it from the water that day. It was an item that held a lot of memories and feelings for Dean and Castiel. Even though it was just a coat.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Takes place vaguely in season 5

Longing

Dean let out a long-suffering sigh as he finished off his recently poured drink. It had been a trying several months and by trying he meant terrible. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Sam was gone doing God knows what and here he was staring down at the end of days. His choices weighted heavy on him. The heaven squad was determined to make him Michael's vessel. He sipped on his drink. It was a lot to take in. He was told he could beat Lucifer and save the world but it was a large burden more than he wanted to take on. Sam was to be Lucifer; he was to be Michael and he was supposed to kill his baby brother. His chest hurt. He wanted it all to stop. He wished for simpler times when he was beheading vampires and burning bones. Although he did get to meet Castiel so it wasn't all bad.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Cas's voice. "The hell, Cas, I'm going to put a bell on your neck I swear."

The angel tilted his head and frowned. "I don't understand that reference."

He smirked. "Didn't think you would, Cas." He felt the angel's intense gaze on his skin. He shuttered. There was a weird feeling that washed over him when it came to Castiel. A forbidden not supposed to think that feeling. He chewed on his lower lip as his mind wandered to the thought of Castiel donning a bell and collar. His face heated it was kind of a hot thought. He let out a soft cough and tried to reign in his hormones. He was well aware he thought the man was attractive. He remembered when he stabbed him the second thing he noticed after the knife did nothing was how blue his eyes were. A weird thing to notice at the time but he did. He had pushed those feelings away over the months with Cas. He had told himself repeatedly that the angel was wearing some poor dude. Didn't help matters any when Castiel was dragged back to bible camp and he actually got to meet Jimmy Novak. He frowned. He realized at that moment he like Castiel there was something about the angel that got him going and he couldn't figure out what. Yes, it was a fairly attractive meat suit with bright big blue eyes, and messy hair that he wanted to fix but without Castiel, the man seemed less attractive. It could have been because he had a wife and kid. Dean tried to laugh to himself. Boy, Jimmy would be in for a shock if Dean made a move on Castiel. He took a drink and looked at the angel who stared at him the whole time he thought of him. He wondered if Cas could read minds. Nah, if he did surely he would have said something by now.

"Can I offer you a drink, Cas? Or are you going to stand there and stare at me all day?" Dean asked. He poured a glass for the angel and held it out. He liked drinking with the angel even though he didn't really get drunk.

He took it and sat down at the table. "I am sorry, Dean. I have had a lot on mind." He stated as he sipped his drink.

"We all do, buddy. I assume you haven't found God yet?"

He shook his head. "No."

Dean made a sound and poured himself another drink. He felt Castiel's intense gaze. He looked at him. He met his eyes and he was lost in them for a minute. He was sure he forgot how to breathe when he locked onto the blue orbs. If heaven personally built every human in existence then they took special care and time on Jimmy's eyes. He sucked in a breath. His body wanted him to reach out cup his face and kiss him. _Don't Dean_. He told himself. "So what brings you around?" He asked.

Castiel frowned. "I thought you wanted to speak with me."

"Why?" He asked. He frowned at himself that sounded rude. "What made you think that?" He reworded it

"I sensed your longing." The angel sipped his drink as though he said something completely natural.

Dean felt like he got punched in the gut. Cas could sense his longing? He shuttered; oh man what about all those dreams he had about the angel? He felt his face turn red. "L-longing?" He asked. He tried to drink his drink and play it off but on the inside, his stomach was in knots.

He nodded. "Yes, I can sense human's prayers. Or more like a sense of longing to see me. So I came."

He didn't remember longing for Cas. Then again he was fairly deep in the bottle and well sometimes his body wasn't in agreement with itself. "Well, uh, thanks I guess."

"I can leave." He went to stand up.

"No!" Dean acted first without thinking. He grabbed Castiel's arm. "Don't, don't go please."

The angel looked at him. He tilted his head and furrowed his brow. Dean couldn't help but think about how cute it was. "Dean, I don't understand." He frowned at the hand on his arm. "You have told me over and over not to get to close to you because of 'personal space' and yet you have ahold of my arm."

Dean felt a brief flash of embarrassment and fondness. He hesitantly let go of Castiel. "Sorry, I just… guess I wanted to…"

He raised an eyebrow. "Dean," He sighed. He sounded aggravated. "We have tasks we have to do. I need to find God I do not have time to sit around and drink with you and watch your face turn an odd red color." He tilted his head. "Is that why you longed for me? Are you ill?" He reached out to rest his fingers on Dean's forehead.

Dean didn't get a chance to say anything as those fingers touched his head. He felt his face grow warm and he watched Castiel.

The angel closed his eyes as if he was searching for something. Dean feared that Castiel would find something anything that hinted to his less than pure thoughts on him. Castiel frowned as he kept his hand on him. "I do not detect any illness. However, you seem to have elevated levels of oxytocin." He removed his fingers.

Dean felt his heart flutter as Castiel stared at him.

He frowned again and it was the cutest thing that Dean had ever seen. "I still sense a longing for me." He tilted his head

 _Shit_. Dean thought. He smirked. "Well, what can I say, Cas, I really like your company."

Castiel got closer to him and Dean felt his heart pound in his chest. The hunter thought for a minute that Castiel might kiss him but the angel just sniffed the air around him.

"The hell are you doing?" Dean exclaimed as he backed away. "What are you a dog?"

"No, I'm a wavelength of celestial intent. I told you that before. You are emitting strange energy." He stepped near him again

Dean let out a yelp and backed himself against the wall. Drinks were forgotten about. Now he was up against the wall with a six-foot tall angel in front of him. "I uh, what?"

He frowned. "I have never seen this before. It's interesting." He stared at him. "I sensed it from you before around Anna… but this time it's different."

He felt like he was being analyzed. "Look, buddy, maybe you should back off and,"

Castiel grabbed Dean's arm and gave him another sniff. Dean felt his skin perk up. The angel's actions were weird but what was even weirder was that Dean almost found it to be a turn on. "Arousal. That's what it is. I haven't seen it in a human in a while." Castiel looked at him his big blue eyes full of understanding but Dean was not sure if he got the whole picture. "Odd. That doesn't explain the overwhelming sense of longing you are emitting for me." He held his hand to his face and looked over Dean.

Dean frowned. How can someone be as old as Castiel and be that dense? He went to speak he was going to clear it up. He had words on the end of his tongue. He had two choices lie and say he was looking at porn and that was why he was aroused or tell him he wanted to know what was under that coat.

Suddenly Castiel's blue eyes flickered with a brief flash of embarrassment and understanding. "Ah, I see. You are aroused by me." He nodded.

He blushed and sighed. "Cas," He shook his head. He could deny it but Castiel could sense it so no lying would cover it. "Leave it to an angel to turn arousal and attraction into something unsexy."

"I am sorry." He frowned and stared at Dean with his piercing blue gaze. "Does my vessel bother you? Do you wish me to get another one?"

He shook his head. "No, I uh, like your vessel."

He nodded. "But I had thought that you only liked females."

He sighed. It was true Castiel had only seen him flirt with women. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Listen some humans… sometimes like the same gender."

"Bisexual yes I know if it. I have watched Earth for a long time, Dean."

"Oh, well…" He trailed off. He was completely embarrassed. He shrugged. "Now you know, Cas, I think you're hot."

"I am sorry I presence arouses you." He looked away and Dean was pretty sure he saw him blush.

"No, I mean, it's fine, Cas, I can't control it you know."

"I know. But I can pick a different vessel. If that's what you desire?"

"That is not what I want." He sighed. "Have you really not noticed before?"

"I had sensed it a few times but here recently… it was more intense." He ran his hand through his black hair. "Lots of things have been more intense recently… since my resurrection."

Dean frowned. He had been saddened by Castiel's then death but tickled to death when he returned to him. "So you did notice."

"I've noticed a lot since Jimmy went to heaven. This is the first time I no longer have the echo of a human soul in my head. I'm alone in here and I can feel things I haven't before."

"Wait what do you mean since Jimmy went to heaven?"

"When Raphael killed me it killed him as well. A human soul does not survive something like that."

He frowned. "Poor Jimmy. So you are alone in there?"

"That is what I said, Dean. You do not listen well." He crossed his arms. "And since then my feelings have been overwhelming. I do not have a soul to buffer them. It's strange like pieces of Jimmy are still in here. I feel like a need and want for things. It's brief usually." He sighed. "Since I fell it's gotten worse. I'm becoming more human-like."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." He studied Castiel's face. He felt a sense of joy that Castiel was in there alone now. If he acted on his feelings he wouldn't feel like he was forcing himself on Jimmy. He watched as Castiel looked at him then looked away thoughtful as if wondering if it was a bad thing.

"It's unusual; unnatural for an angel to feel this way. No wonder I have fallen." He gave a sad smile. "But, if I am going to be human…" He trailed off and Dean saw his face redden.

Dean went to say something but words were cut off when Castiel pushed him against the wall. Flesh against him their chest was together. Dean went to protest he wasn't sure why maybe the last few strains of himself fighting for normalcy. Castiel pressed his chapped lips against his. He didn't close his eyes, their noses bumped, and honestly, it was a piss poor attempt at a kiss.

Castiel backed away. "There now we have shared a kiss."

"You call that a kiss?" Dean asked with a frown. "Dude, that's not how you kiss haven't you seen a movie before?"

"What does that have to do with kissing? I have seen humans do it before. It's an act of placing lips on lips."

Dean sighed. He grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward. "I'll show you how it's done. First, close your eyes,"

"Then how will I see how it's done?" he asked as he closed his eyes.

He rolled his eyes. He grabbed Castiel's face and tilted it. "Hold your head like this or else your nose will get in the way." He shook his head. His nose throbbed somewhat from where they had bumped into each other. "Now move your lips when I kiss you." He leaned in and tried not to laugh as he could tell Castiel was going through the steps. He pressed his lips to Castiel's and briefly thought about getting the angel chapstick the next time he was in a store. He heard the other man make a noise of agreement. He smiled in the kiss and Castiel tilted his head. There the angel was getting it. He flicked his tongue on Castiel's lips and by some miracle, the angel understood as he opened his mouth. The kiss continued for a while as their tongues wrestled back and forth. Dean finally pushed him away Castiel looked up at him his face an expression of hurt. "I need to breath."

He nodded. He breathed as well though Dean was pretty sure the angel didn't need to. "Was that satisfactory?"

He laughed. "Best damn kiss I've had in years." He looked at the angel whose hair was more messed up from Dean running his hands in it. His lips swollen from the kiss. Castiel placed his fingers to his lips and lightly touched them. "You need some chapstick though." Dean said with a chuckle.

"My lips tingle." Castiel looked down at his hand then at Dean. "My heart is pounding and…" He looked down at his crotch area and Dean felt himself blush. "I have never felt this before."

Dean smirked. "Did you like it?" He felt unsure. He felt like he was corrupting an angel but then again he had shown the angel alcohol, and the angel did fall for him. Would making out with an angel give him a first class ticket to Hell?

Castiel looked at Dean. Their eyes met, their gaze was intense. Castiel's Adam's apple bobbed as he spoke. "Yes, Dean, very much so." He reached out and creased Dean's face then stopped. "I'm sorry I know personal space." He went to move his hand and Dean laid his hand on top of his.

"Personal space be damned. Dude, we just kissed. You can lay a hand on me." He stroked Dean's face and Dean smiled. He liked it a lot. "Cas," Dean started.

"Dean, can we… does this…" he looked away then back at him. "I am unfamiliar with human customs but does this mean we are coupled?"

He laughed at his wording and noticed how Castiel shrunk away from him. "No, I'm not laughing at that. It was how you said it. If you… what to be coupled I don't mind."

Castiel smiled a gummy smile that Dean had never seen him do before. He took Dean's hand and gave it a kiss. "This has been most educational but I have to continue my hunt for God. I will see you later, Dean."

Dean was standing there alone. He huffed out a sigh and finished his drink. He had to be careful about his thinking about Castiel now that he knew the angel could sense it. He touched his lips. Yeah, he was defiantly going to get Cas some chapstick.


	17. Chapter 17

Angel Fever

Dean Winchester was not one for being woken up. He bolted straight up in bed, gun in hand when he heard a rather loud cough. He pointed it forward in the dark and shouted. "Who's there?"

There was another cough followed by a rather quiet. "It's me."

He frowned and placed the gun back behind his pillow. Despite the security of the Bunker, he couldn't shake the habit of sleeping with a gun nearby. He flicked on a light and squinted as the light flooded the room. In the corner, at the table by the wall set Castiel. "Cas," Dean groaned as he ran his hand through his hair. "What have I told you about watching me sleep?"

The angel made an odd sighing sound. "It is weird." He looked away almost ashamed. Dean noted how the angel looked tired. He didn't need sleep unless his grace was low so why did he look tired? And why wasn't he in his room?

"Why are you here, Cas?" He asked his tone gruff

He flinched and slumped a little in the chair. "Dean," He coughed and slumped over more almost on the table.

Dean was up and running over to him faster than his brain could process. "Hey, hey, buddy, what is wrong?" He held Castiel by his shoulders and held him up. It was a bit hard as the angel was heavier than he looked but he wasn't going to let him do a face-plant on the floor. "Do you need to lie down?" His panic was edging into his voice. What was wrong with the angel?

He shook his head. "I need…" He gripped his arm and gave it a squeeze. "Listen to me, I need…" He coughed again. "It will pass… I promise. I should have told you and Sam this morning but I,"

He felt his chest ache as he watched him grower paler. His usual tanned skin turning an odd color and started to coat with sweat. "Cas, buddy, are you cursed? Who did this?"

He shook his head. "No one." He finally leaned back on his own will. "It's… all of us angels go through this every hundred or so years. Our bodies go through a change. Our wings molt, our grace burns off impurities that might be hidden in it and this is the result." He pointed at himself. "It's going to be worse… because I have been on Earth for so long and heaven is so weak." He coughed

"So what is this like angel flu?"

He gave a nod. "You could call it a flu. I'm going to be sick for a few days at least until this passes."

"What do you need me to do?"

He shook his head. "I do not know." He coughed. "I simply feel terrible." He looked over at the bed.

Dean looked over and pointed at it. "Want to lie down?"

"I think so."

Dean helped him up and led him to the bed. He helped him lay down. He placed a hand on his forehead. "Humans can't catch this?"

"It isn't something to be caught, Dean."

"You're burning up. Ditch the coat and I'm going to get Sam."

He stared at him. His blue eyes sad. He sat up and slowly removed his coat and handed it to Dean. Their fingers brushed and Dean felt his cheeks heat up. "I am sorry to be a burden."

He shrugged. "It's fine. You rest up." He pushed him back down on the bed.

Dean walked out of his room. It was early in the morning, about five o'clock. He was usually not up this early but he hoped Sam was. Sam was an early riser on most days. He headed towards the kitchen and spotted Sam filling up his water bottle to prepare for his morning run. "Sammy," Dean started

Sam looked up at him then at his watch. "Dude, what the heck are you doing up this early?" He frowned and noticed he was still in his PJs. "What's wrong, Dean?"

"It's Cas." Dean started. His voice was rough and shaky. He kept thinking of his friend. His best friend and the man he secretly loved lying in his bed possibly dying. He felt his hands tremble as what-ifs played out in his mind. What if he died? What if he never told Cas how he felt before then? What if they can't help?

"Dean, Dean." Sam placed a hand on Dean. "It's okay. What is wrong with Cas? Is he hurt?"

"No, he has some sort of angel flu. We need to find some way to heal him or at least help him. He's burning up; I put him in my bed so he could lie down."

"Angel flu?" Sam asked

"Yeah, apparently angels go through it every hundred or so years. The thing is since he's been on Earth he thinks it's going to be worse. Sammy, we got to do something."

Sam gave a nod. "I'll hit the lore and see what I can find. You should take care of Cas."

He frowned. "Take care of him. No, I need to help with the lore so we can help him get better faster."

"Dean, you are stressed out. Go and take care of your man."

He bristled and frowned. "He's not my man, Sam!" he snapped. Truthfully, Dean wanted Castiel to be his man (or angel in this case) He wanted to hold Cas, tell him how much he loved him but it was too much. He feared losing him. Whenever he got close to someone they died. He couldn't handle it. He knew that he had seen it once when Castiel did die. The pain was unbearable.

"Dean, you…" Sam shook his head. "Dean, you're upset. Take care of Cas. If he is that sick he's going to need help, okay? Look after him." He patted his shoulder. "I'll handle the lore, I'll get Maggie to help to and I'll call mom, Jack, and Rowena. Plenty of people to do research." He put his water bottle in the fridge and started to the library. "And Dean, I know you think everyone is going to judge you but… don't let things slip away, okay?" He left to the library

Dean shook his head and headed back to his room. His mind was swimming. He knew that Sam was smart. He put two and two and figured out that Dean had a massive crush on Castiel. He sighed outside of his door. He wondered if cold medicine would help his friend as he opened the door. "Cas." He greeted as he walked in.

"Dean." Castiel let out as a sigh. He was lying on his side, forehead coated in sweat, he looked miserable.

He walked up to him and pulled up a chair beside him. "Sam is going to hit the lore and contact everyone for help. We will help you beat this."

"It is not necessary it will pass."

"Bull shit, you look awful." He reached out and laid his hand on Castiel's shoulder then pulled it away. He always told the angel to mind his personal space now here he was in his.

There was an awkward silence which Castiel broke with. "You can touch me, Dean." He said. He buried his face in the pillow and Dean noted how he was going to have to wash his sheets. "I… I think I would like that."

Dean couldn't tell if Castiel blushed or is he was turning red from the fever. He gently laid his hand on Castiel's shoulder. He slowly started to stroke the arm and watched as a smile form on Castiel's face. He could feel his body burning through his shirt. "You are burning up."

He let out a cough. "I ache all over. I'm worried my temperature may damage my vessel."

"Yeah, yeah, you are far too hot." He held out his hand. "Let's get you in a cold bath."

Castiel took his hand and got out of bed. His legs wobbled and he stumbled but was fine after a second.

Dean grabbed himself some fresh clothes and got a tank top and shorts for Castiel. "These won't be as hot as your outfit."

Castiel gave a nod.

He walked to the bathroom area and hoped no one was in there. He made Castiel prop up against the wall and he went and started to run the bath water. He put the clothes on the sink nearby. He decided to get changed once he got Castiel cooled off. He placed his hand in the water and it was cool but not too cold. He didn't want to shock Castiel's system. He got his body wash and a spare washcloth out of the closet and set it on the side of the tub. "Cas." He called he walked back over to the angel.

Castiel had slumped into a sitting position on the floor. His head was on his knees. His face was red. He coughed. "Dean." He wheezed as he got up.

He had to help him up as he wobbled. "Whoa, whoa."

"I feel worse." He coughed. "I can't even think… all I keep thinking is how bad I feel." He shook his head.

"Come on let's get you cooled off and go from there." He led him over to the tub. He looked down to see a trail of feathers on the ground. Panic hit him than he remembered that Castiel had said molting was part of the process. He helped Castiel fumble with his clothes. He felt his cheeks redden as he was standing in front of a bare-chested Castiel. Don't look. He told himself. His eyes through trailed down Castiel's body. "Wow." He muttered.

Castiel pulled at his boxers. "What about these?"

He felt himself burning up. "Ugh, uh, leave those on." He stuttered. Last thing he needed was a completely naked Castiel in front of him. He held onto Castiel's arm as he got in the tub.

Castiel sunk into the cool water with an odd moan. "So cool… feels so good." He soaked all the way to his chin and let out a sigh.

Dean sat on the edge of the tub which isn't comfortable. He smiled at the angel he looked cozy but he can tell from his expression he is still burning up. He hands Castiel the washcloth and soap. "Let's get that sweat off."

He took the product and begins to scrub himself clean.

Dean stands up and gets the shower head and sprays Castiel down good. He kept his eyes on Castiel though he isn't as red he still looks pale and sweaty. He wonders if he is helping or hurting him. He watched Castiel's eyes slowly close. He wasn't ready for what happened next, Castiel sunk back into the water his whole head went under. "Shit!" He shouted. He dropped the shower head and he reached in and grabbed Castiel by the armpits and hauled him up. "Cas, Cas!" He shouted.

The angel had passed out in the tub. His head flopped back like a puppet without its strings.

"Damn it!" Dean shouted. He tried to pull Castiel out of the tub. Water dripped everywhere as he pulled him out. "Help!" He screamed. He knew the walls were fairly thick in the Bunker and wondered if anyone could hear his shouting. "Sammy!" He shouted. He checked Castiel's pulse. He barely felt it. He wondered if Castiel had a pulse after all he was a wavelength in a man suit. "Help!" He shouted. Anguish washed over. What if Cas never woke up?

"Dean!" He heard a voice call and the door open

He turned to see Sam running in. "Sammy! He passed out." He noticed a few other world hunters plus Maggie followed him in.

Sam knelt down beside them and also checked for Castiel's pulse. He shook his head and put his hand under his nose. "He's breathing but it's weak." He looked at Dean. "Does he need to breathe?"

"How should I know, Sam?" He shouted. Fear and rage took over. He was scared for Cas and angry that his happened.

Sam gave him bitch face number 12 and checked over Castiel. "I don't know why he,"

Castiel sat up with a gasp and scared both of them. He huffed a few breaths of air. He looked over at Dean. "Dean," He whined. He reached out to him and fell up against his chest. "Dean."

"It's okay." Dean said. He wrapped his arms around Castiel's wet torso. Water ran off his back. He could feel his body heat coursing through his shirt. Castiel was burning up. He felt himself blush when he realized he was essentially cradling a naked Castiel in front of the everyone. He looked at the other hunters unease hit him. This was a private moment.

Sam glanced at them. "You guys can go. We got this."

They left but Maggie remained. She rubbed her arm awkward and looked down at them. "Are you sure, chief?"

Sam gave a nod and cleared his throat. "Yeah, Maggie, I'm sure. Listen I got a list of hunting assignments can you, uh, handle that for me?"

She nodded and looked at Dean. "I hope your boyfriend gets better." She turned at left.

Dean let out a sound of annoyance and grumbled. "He's not my boyfriend." He looked down at Castiel. He wondered if the angel heard him. His face reddened when he realized that this is what it looked like. It looked like he was holding a boyfriend.

"You don't need to be embarrassed, Dean." Sam said softly. He reached down to Castiel and laid his hand on his forehead. "They were worried and,"

"Don't!" Dean snapped. He didn't want to talk about this. Castiel was ill now was not to time to sort through feelings. "We need to help Cas."

Castiel looked up at him. His wide blue eyes were dull now. "Dean." He groaned his voice hoarse. He reached up and fisted Dean's shirt.

"It's okay, Cas." Dean assured him and looked to Sam. It wasn't okay though was it? Castiel was burning up. He was going to burn through his vessel at this rate.

"I'll get a thermometer and check his temperature." Sam said. He grabbed one of Castiel's arms. "Let's get him to bed."

It took some effort, but the two of them managed to get Castiel back to his own room. Dean didn't want to admit that he was a little disappointed that they didn't take him back to his room but it was better this way. They laid Castiel down and they helped the weakened angel get dressed.

Castiel looked up at Dean and stared at him more intense than usual. His breath was coming out in little huffs. "You… you have freckles." He said with a giggle as he reached out to Dean's face. He stroked his cheek as if following the dots along his face.

Dean felt himself blush. He stared at Castiel and looked over at his hand. Castiel's fever was getting worse he was starting to get delirious. "Cas." He breathed enjoying the feathery light touches on his face. He heard a sound and looked to see Sam grinning at him an all-knowing grin. He felt his anger boil briefly and he grabbed Castiel's hand and shouted. "Stop it!"

He looked at him his blue eyes filled with hurt. "But, Dean." He whined

"We need to find some way to help him." Dean said to Sam

Sam looked at Castiel and Dean. He frowned then said. "Okay. Jack and mom should be back any minute. I'll go hit the books too and call Rowena back and see what she knows." He turned to leave and Dean started to follow him. "Where are you going?" He asked with a frown.

"Helping you. What the hell else does it look like I'm doing?" Dean huffed

He rolled his eyes. "Stay with Cas, Dean."

Dean frowned and marched out of the room with Sam behind him. He closed the door and looked at Sam. "Stop telling me what to do, Sam." He hissed. He wasn't angry at his brother he knew that. He was upset because Castiel was sick and there was nothing he could do about it. He rationally knew this but he wasn't acting rationally right now.

"Dean," Sam started. He looked around and got his voice low. "I don't want to fight with you. I want to help Cas too."

"Good then let me help you do research."

"Dean, Cas is so out of it right now. I don't think it's safe to leave him alone. Look, you are clearly upset let us help you. You stay with Cas," he looked away and shook his head. "We may not be able to help him." He said softly. "He might burn out of his vessel and… you may not get another chance."

He frowned. "A chance? A chance at what, Sam?"

"I'm not stupid, Dean. None of us are." He sighed. "Everyone seems to see it but you two." He ran his hands through his hair.

He glared at him. "See what, Sam!" He demanded his voice rose.

"That you," He shouted in frustration and let out a sigh. "Damn it, Dean, I know you see it! Just embrace it I don't care!"

He suspected he knew what Sam was talking about but he wanted to hear him say it. He let out an annoyed huff. "Yeah, everyone knows but me, stop with this shit and just tell me what you are getting at!"

"You love Cas!" Sam shouted. Loud enough that Castiel probably heard him. Hell, it was loud enough Hell itself probably heard him. The silence between them was thick and heavy.

"I," Dean started quietly. It was thrown at him. The thing he wanted to keep hidden. No one could take Cas from him if he never claimed Cas as his own. Love? Was that what it was? He had loved before but maybe this was love and those times were something else. He felt his heart heavy last time he loved someone got hurt. He had to protect Castiel. If he didn't love Cas no one could take it from him, again… no, they tried to take Cas from him before over and over again.

"Everyone can see it." Sam said softly which yanked Dean out of his thoughts. Dean looked at his brother his mouth half open wanting to speak but Sam continued. "Mom, a few days when she got back she asked me about you two. Jack was so confused… when he asked me about it. The hunters from the other world… while you were gone… Dean, Cas grieved and did reckless shit to save you. They well some of them just assumed. Referred to him as your boyfriend. Rowena, Jody, Donna… name a person you two have been around for a while and they all think or assume you two are together." He pointed at Dean. This was a conversation years in the making. "Don't you dare stand there and try to tell me that you don't love him. Because, Dean, I don't believe it. You were so… depressed when he died I thought… God, Dean, I thought you were going to kill yourself." Sam shook his head. "And every time he is gone you become so lost and lonely looking. Don't, don't let this slip away. I don't want you to feel like I do over Eileen. I don't want you to sit there and ask yourself 'what if' because you were afraid to love." He patted Dean's shoulder. "It's okay. Dean, it is okay if you love Cas. I don't care, mom doesn't care and Jack thinks it's normal. We won't judge you." He looked to the door and they heard a soft sound that almost sounded like Dean's name. "Now please, Dean, go in there and be a boyfriend to Cas. Hold him, kiss him whatever you want and let us find a way to help him." Sam didn't give Dean a chance to argue as he walked back to the library.

Dean stood there stunned. Clearly, his feelings were more obvious than he had thought. He stared at the door and licked his lips. He heard a soft sobbing sound coming from the room followed by Castiel crying out. "Dean." He steadied himself and walked into the room.

The angel was on his side. Eyes glossy from crying, forehead glistening with sweat. He clung to his pillow and let out a cough. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." He cried out. "Dean, don't leave me."

He took in a breath. He wondered if Cas didn't realize he was there. He walked up to the bed. "I'm here, buddy." He said softly as he touched Castiel's shoulder.

He let out a shaky breath. "I am glad." He coughed. "I was… worried I upset you." He reached out for his hand and stopped.

He looked at Castiel's hands. His long fingers reaching out to nothing. He took in a breath and said. "You can touch me, Cas." He knelt down to the side of the bed so Castiel didn't have to reach far.

"Really?" He asked as if he didn't believe him.

"Yes, really go ahead fill me up." He regretted the last part of that but he figured Cas didn't know what that meant so he was okay.

Castiel reached out and took his hand. He ran his hand along his arm and up to his face. He smiled a lazy droopy smile. "Feels so nice. You're so cool to the touch…" He nuzzled his face against Dean's hands.

Dean sucked in a breath. It felt good to let Castiel touch him. He smiled as he felt his scruff scratch his hands. "That tickles." He chuckled

He looked up at him and pulled his hand closer to him. "Want me to stop, Dean?"

He shook his head. "If it helps you feel better than… snuggle away."

Castiel moved away and patted the side of the bed. "Share a bed with me, Dean." His face turned red and Dean didn't know if it was from the fever or from embarrassment.

"Sure, Cas." He whispered. He climbed into bed beside him. He felt him nuzzle his face in his chest. Fevered Cas apparently didn't have inhibitions.

"I heard you and Sam fighting." He started his voice rough and muffled in Dean's chest.

"Yeah." Dean said flatly as he rubbed circles on Castiel's back

The angel looked up at him his eyes full of an unknown emotion. "Dean is… is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"That you love me?"

Dean hesitated. So Cas had heard him and Sam talking about that, would Castiel remember this conversation later and what if… what if Castiel didn't think it was romantic love that they were talking about? "What do you think?" He asked dodging the question.

He frowned. "I think I have a fever and not in the mental capabilities of complex thought at the moment and just want a yes or no answer."

He laughed. "Smartass." He ran his hands through Castiel's hair. It was sweaty and little gross but the expression of pure joy that came across his face made it worth it. He sighed and said. "Yes."

"Yes?"

He rolled his eyes. "Now you are just being difficult. Yes, Cas, I… I love you. I'm in love with you."

His blue eyes went wide. "Dean." He said his voice soft.

"Do you even understand what that means?" he asked. He had a flash of fear what if the confession was pointless? What if Castiel didn't feel the same? What if he didn't even feel love? His worrying died in a matter of seconds as Castiel almost crawled on top of him and started to kiss him. The question unanswered but clearly Castiel understood what he meant. Their lips met tenderly at first and soon gave away into kisses of intense desperation. It was as though the two of them were trying to make up for lost time in a matter of seconds. He licked Castiel's lips and Castiel let him in. They explored each other's mouths with their tongues. Dean didn't care at that moment that Castiel was running a fever and was sweaty and that him being on top of him was making him very hot (and hard he might add). All that mattered to him was this moment between the two of them as they kissed.

Castiel started to cough and he broke the kiss off. "Sorry, Dean." He said. He rolled off of Dean and onto his back

"It's fine, Cas." He touched his lips. "That was… the best kiss I have ever had." He informed him as he traced his fingers along his own lips.

"Mine as well." Castiel said and he coughed again. He nuzzled against Dean's shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"About damn time." Sam's voice came from the door which made both men jump.

"How uh, long have you been there?" Dean asked as he stared at his brother.

"Oh, long enough." He had a cup in his hand. He walked up to the bed and over to the side Castiel was on. "Rowena said this will help you feel better. I checked the lore and it seems right."

He took the cup and sniffed it and frowned. "What is it?" he asked voice hoarse

"Best way to describe it is angel cold medicine." Sam said with a smile. He looked at Dean. "This isn't contagious is it?"

Castiel shook his head. "No, I wouldn't have kissed your brother if it was." He downed the contents of the cup and handed it back to Sam. He nestled his head in the pillow and let out a sigh.

Sam looked at the two of them and blushed. "Sorry for you know… interrupting you two." He looked at the door. "I'm gonna go… you two uh, enjoy." He marched out of the room faster than anyone could say anything.

Dean blushed. "God, Sam just likes making things awkward." He muttered

Castiel looked back at him. "I didn't think that was awkward. I thought he was giving us some space."

"Well, you don't know about awkward." Dean snorted. He eyed the angel whose eyes looked like they were getting heavy. He wrapped his arms around him and let his head rest on his chest. "Go to sleep, angel." He said to him as he carded through his hair.

Castiel didn't argue and fell asleep rather quickly. Dean held him as Castiel slept on and off throughout the day. The next day the angel's fever broke and soon the effects of angel flu wore off.

They eventually got up and greeted the day. They walked into the war room where everyone was holding hands. Dean felt his face grow hot as he walked in fearing the worse. Much to his surprise everyone began to clap for them and cheer. He heard someone shout. "It's about time!"

Sam got up from his table as the clapping died down. "Alright guys, we have a lot of work to do but I think…" he picked up a drink he had on the table. "We need to celebrate the new couple." He held his drink up. "To Dean and Cas!"

"To Dean and Cas!" The crowd echoed back

Dean felt embarrassment wash over as people walked up to him and congratulate him.

"Is this normal?" Castiel whispered to Dean

"No, not really… people usually act like this when someone gets married or engaged."

"Are, are we engaged then?"

He laughed. "N-no Cas…" He tightened his hold on his hand. "Not yet anyway." He gave the angel a kiss on the lips. People cheered. He knew it was Sam wanting to prove to him that he was loved and supported but he knew it was a celebration. This thing between him and Castiel had been a long time in the making. He wished he had acted on things sooner but at least they had the rest of their lives to be with each other. After all Dean and Castiel were in love with each other and the world knew that now and no matter what happened it would stay that way.


	18. Chapter 18

Bee Mine

Dean was walking around a local donation store. He had been here a few times to buy furniture, a few times cloths, miscellanies items, and sometimes he would get lucky and find a piece of band or movie merch. He pretty much was killing time. He was waiting on Sam who was in the book store checking out the best sellers. Dean didn't mind books sure he read a few novels from time to time. But he wasn't like Sam who would almost disappear in the store for what felt like ever. Dean would hit about two sections and be done; Sam would look through the whole store.

Dean wasn't bothered by it through. It gave him time to look through the local Salvation Army and Sam didn't care for it. Dean had even told him they sold books there too but Sam still usually didn't go for it. He walked down the aisles. He didn't see anything. He made his way through each department. He stopped at the housewares and looked over the various items sitting there. He didn't see anything that jumped out at him then he noticed a ceramic bee. It was small, it had big blue eyes, and was holding a daisy in its hands. Very cartoony but something about it made him think of Cas. He turned it over and seen it was only ten cents. Well, for ten cents he would get it. Sure there was a chance that Cas would just donate it later and it would end up on these shelves but hey why not.

He walked up to the register and paid for it and left the building with his little bag. Sam was waiting for him with a bag of books in his hands. "Did you buy the whole store, Sammy?"

Sam shook his head. "Nope just a few books, I even got one for Cas." He looked at Dean's bag and sighed. "What did you get this time? Another coffee makes me poop mug?"

Dean smiled. He had found two of those mugs before and bought both, much to Sam's annoyance and Cas's lack of getting the joke. "No, I got something for Cas." He pulled out the bee and showed it to Sam.

He chuckled. "Okay, Dean, whatever man."

"What's wrong with it?" He asked as he headed over to the driver's side

He shrugged. "Nothing. Just seems a little I don't know weird."

They got in the car. Dean started the engine. "I think he will like it."

They drove back to the Bunker in silence save for the car's radio. They walked into the library where Castiel was.

He was reading a book. He looked up at them and smiled warmly. "Welcome back. Was the trip to the book store fruitful?"

"Yup." Sam said. He reached in the bag and pulled out a book and handed it to Castiel. "Here's the book you wanted."

Castiel smiled as he took it. Since Castiel had been staying at the Bunker more often he had taken up reading in his spare time. "Thank you, Sam."

"I got you something too, Cas." Dean said as he handed the angel the bag.

He pulled out the bee and stared at it. "I don't understand." He said as he turned the bee over in his hands. He looked at Dean with his forehead crinkled. "What does it do?"

Dean heard Sam chuckle. He ignored it though. "It's uh, just something to sit around and decorate."

He tilted his head. "It doesn't serve a function?"

"No, it's just uh, well, you see…." He felt his face grow hot. "It's uh; it made me think of you. Since you like bees and… it's got big blue eyes like yours so… yeah, there ya go. A bee for your room."

"If it makes you think of me shouldn't you have it?"

Dean heard Sam snicker again. This time he glared at him with his own version of the bitch face. "No, Cas, I thought you would like it."

He looked at it and gave a smile. A cute little smile in Dean's opinion. "Thank you, Dean." He got up from the table and hugged him. "I do like it." He let go of him. "Though I'm still not sure what to do with it."

Dean sighed. "It's like what we've been saying; you need to add a little of yourself to our home. So there ya are. I'm starting you off with a bee."

"Why don't you put it in your room?" Sam offered

Castiel nodded. "That seems appropriate." He left the library with his new book and bee

Sam looked over at him. "Really? It made me think of you so I got it?"

"Well, it uh, did." Dean said. He felt his face redden. He glared at Sam who just smirked at him. "What?" He demanded

"Nothing, Dean." He smirked even more. "I just think it's cute how you are with him."

He frowned. "What are you saying, dude?"

"Nothing, Dean." He smirked again and left the library leaving Dean confused.

A few days later, Dean had sent Castiel out to pick up some food and beer. They took turns getting foodstuffs. They had to be careful to not have too much or too little in the Bunker which resulted in them usually taking a trip to the store at least once a week.

Dean was in the kitchen area waiting for Castiel. He had been gone a while and now Dean was starting to get worried. He kept checking his phone. He had texted him and didn't get an answerback. He was considering going out and looking for him when the door opened.

"Hello, Dean." He said. Castiel had several bags in his hands.

Dean got up and took the bags from him and sat them on the table. "Where on Earth have you been?" He asked his tone harsher than he meant it to be.

Castiel apparently didn't catch it. He grinned at him and said. "I got some stuff for the bunker." He sat down two bags from the local Salvation Army and Goodwill.

He looked at the bags then back at him. "Really?"

"Take a look."

Dean did just that. One bag held a few more ceramic animals like the bee. "I see you decided you like these small animals." He stated as he pulled out one of a bear with a jar of honey.

Castiel nodded. "I thought the bee needed a family so I got some more figures to go with him."

He sighed. At least the tacky things would be in Cas's room. He didn't expect him to go and buy more of them. He reached into the other bag and found a sign that said 'Bee happy' with a bee on it, a plate that said 'Bee healthy', and a mug that said 'Bee mine'. He stared at the flatware. He could understand the sign but the plate and mug. "What's with the plate and mug?"

"Oh, those are… gifts."

"Gifts?" Dean asked

"Yes, the plate is for Sam and the mug is for you."

He looked at the mug. It was a Valentine's day mug as it had large hearts on it along with the bee. It was just so cartoony and it wasn't his style.

"Do you like it, Dean? I wanted to get you something since you got me that bee."

He didn't like it but he didn't want to hurt Cas's feelings. "I love it." He lied.

"Good." He smiled and Dean was pretty sure he saw Castiel blush but he could have been wrong. He took the bags. "I'll put up my stuff and give this plate to Sam."

"What about the groceries?" he asked but Castiel took off. He sighed and sat the mug in the sink to be washed. He put the groceries alone and went on about his day.

A few days had passed since that had happened. Dean had figured he would drink out of the mug once after Castiel got it for him then hide it in the cabinet never to be seen again. However, he found himself drinking out of it nearly every day.

Sam smirked at him. "Thought you didn't like that mug?"

He shrugged as he took a long sip. "What? It holds a good amount of coffee."

"Could have sworn you said 'I'm a warrior and warriors don't drink out of cutesy mugs' the first day you used it."

"Makes me look more badass when I drink out of a cutesy mug."

He sighed. "Dean," he started.

Dean glared at him. He didn't like the tone Sam used. That tone always lead to a lecture or something like it. "What?"

"Just admit it. You're only using it because Cas got it for you."

"Yeah, I don't want to hurt the guy's feelings."

He sighed again. "Did you ever think about it?"

"About what?"

He pointed at it. " 'Bee mine' don't you think there's… a message behind it?"

"Yeah, some sap got it for his girl and she didn't want to be his, and she got rid of it."

He let out a long-suffering sigh. "Dean, he got you a mug that says 'bee mine'. I think it's pretty obvious."

"Yeah, dude likes bees and saw a mug with a bee on it and got it. End of story."

"He got me a plate that says 'bee healthy'."

"Because you are a health food nut."

"Yeah, meaning Cas actually put thought into it." He pointed at Dean's mug. "Dean, I'm pretty sure he's dropping a big hint there."

He looked at the mug and felt his face heat up. "No, it's just a mug, Sam. He only got it because there's a bee on it."

"Oh, so what you are saying is he only just grabbed you whatever and with me, he put thought into it? That doesn't make any sense, Dean."

He shrugged. "Cas is a weird dude. Maybe he saw your plate and just noticed the bee and didn't think about the message on it."

"Maybe he wants you to be his?" Sam suggested

Dean nearly choked on his coffee. "What?" He looked at Sam his mouth half opened in shock.

"Dean, I think it's pretty obvious that Cas… likes you."

He blinked. "Yeah, and he likes you too,"

Sam cut him off. "Not that type of like. As in he likes, likes you…"

Dean sat there in confusion and stared at the mug. "You think that… he got me this mug because he has a crush on me?"

"Yes, much like I think you got him the bee for the same reason."

He felt himself blush. "No, I… uh," His mind shut down he couldn't think of the words he wanted to say.

"Dean, it's okay. I don't care. If you two want to try an uh, relationship then go for it."

He sighed and stared at the mug. Not that he wouldn't mind being more than friends with Cas. He had held feelings for him for a while now. "What if we are wrong… what if he just got this mug for the hell of it?"

"You are admitting the mug is a bit weird?"

"Yes, Sam, I thought that when I got it. That's why I didn't want to use it at first. I was… worried I was getting my hopes up for nothing. I mean, what if Cas doesn't feel that way? He is an angel, Sam; I mean can he even feel that way?"

"Why don't you ask him?"

"I…" he looked up at his little brother. "Sam, I'm scared. If I put myself out there and he isn't interested then it's going to be awkward."

"If you don't tell him then you won't know and that seems worse than a little bit of awkwardness."

"What's this awkward situation?" Castiel asked as he entered the kitchen

Sam looked up at him and smiled. "Dean wanted to ask you something." He got up from the table and left.

Dean silently cursed his brother under his breath for putting him in that situation.

Castiel set down beside him. "What is on your mind, Dean?"

He opened his mouth then closed it. He stared at Castiel. He was lost in his big beautiful blue eyes.

Castiel leaned forward and spoke softly. "You can talk to me, Dean. I will always be here for you." He reached out slightly and brushed his fingers against Dean's.

Dean stared at Castiel's hands. "Cas," He started. "The mug…" He hesitated. "What did you mean by it?"

He tilted his head. "What do you mean, Dean?"

He sighed. Of course, it wouldn't be easy. "Do you understand the meaning behind the mug?"

He looked at it and tilted his head. "Yes, it's a bee pun. Instead of using the word be with one e it is using the insect version of it because it has a bee on it."

"That's not what I meant." He said in frustration. He ran his hands over his face.

"Then what do you mean?"

"Do you want me to be yours?" He asked. He opted for the point-blank approach. No point in dancing around the subject as Castiel didn't seem to understand the dance moves.

He blinked and sighed. "Of course, Dean, you and I do share a profound bond. So I want you to be mine."

"Cas, that's not," he let out an annoyed groan. "You know what never mind. I don't know what I was thinking. It would never work out." He went to get up when Castiel grabbed his hand.

"Wait. Please do not be frustrated with me, Dean." He sighed. "I am sorry. I was worried that the mug would make you uncomfortable. I am well aware of what the mug is saying. I was just… afraid that you would… reject me."

Dean stared at him and slowly sat back down. "You knew?"

"I knew. I saw it and knew what it was implying. I purchased it and feared you would be upset. I considered getting rid of it but decided to take a chance and give it to you."

"Then what was that business just now?"

"I didn't want to upset you. I was afraid if I told you the truth you would be mad at me." He played with the sleeve of his coat.

Dean sighed. "God, no, Cas, I'm not mad." He reached out and took his hands. "Cas, I like you a lot okay, hell I think I love you. That's why I got that stupid bee. I want you to feel at home here with us… with me, Cas."

He smiled. "I will always feel at home. As long as I am with you, Dean." He brought his hands up to his lips and placed a soft kiss on his knuckles. "I love you as well."

He felt his heart flip. He leaned in and placed a soft chaste kiss on Castiel's ever chapped lips.

Castiel smiled into the kiss and captured his lips with his and extended the kiss. They broke apart and Castiel looked at the mug. "You do not have to use it, Dean. I know it's not something you like."

He shook his head. "No, I think I can get used to it." He reached out and rubbed his cheek. "After all, you got it for me."

He blushed. "I'm happy to hear that."

"Plus it holds more coffee."

He laughed softly. "I am glad you like it, Dean." He gave him another kiss.


	19. Chapter 19

A Flight to Love

Dean stared at his phone in horror. His mouth half-opened. Did Sammy really just ask him that?

"Dean, I'm serious we can really use your help on this." Sam said on the other line

See, a few weeks back Sam flew over to Ireland to visit Eileen. There was no big bad to deal with and there was a lull on major hunts and Dean had encouraged Sam to peruse his love interest and fly over there for a visit when the female hunter had invited them. However, he did not expect Sam to find a hunt in Ireland… and need his help with it.

"Dean? You still there?"

He blinked and murmured. "Yeah, Sammy, I'm still here." His mind was spinning. If he helped Sam on this case than that meant… he would have to fly over there. "Is there," He started but Sam cut him off.

"No, you're it. Trust me everyone else is off on their own case. I know you're afraid of flying,"

"Pfft, I'm not afraid." Dean lied

"Sure, I mean after all when we flew to Scotland you didn't have a death grip on the armrests the whole time." Sam sighed. "Look, we got a bit before the next attack if or information is right. Just get on a plane and come over… bring Cas with you."

"Why?"

"So you can have a death grip on him when you take off."

"I don't,"

"Dean, just take Cas with you. I know he calms you down."

"What does that mean?"

Sam didn't answer him instead he said. "I got the tickets for you."

Dean heard the chime of his e-mail on his phone indicating the tickets had come through. "Sam," Then the line was dead. He looked at the e-mail. Sure enough, there were two tickets to Dublin Ireland. He let out a sigh and dialed Castiel's number. A few short rings and the deep voice answered.

"Hello?"

Dean felt a small chill run up his spine when he heard Castiel's deep voice on the other end. He mentally kicked himself. He knew Sam was right. Castiel would offer him a comforting presence on the flight. "Hey, Cas, I… uh need a favor."

"What is it?"

"Umm, see Sam well he uh, found a hunt in Ireland and… wants me to fly over…" His heart pounded. He considered calling another hunter. Maybe, Jody, she was nice and motherly like. Hell, he could call his own Mom but he wasn't sure what she was doing.

"Dean? Are you okay? I sense you are tense."

"You can say that…" He looked at his hand and sighed. He was a man damn it. He told himself. He could do anything. "Sam got me two tickets. Could you come with?"

"Yes, of course."

Dean gave him the address of the airport and told him when to meet him there. He hung up after that and left it at that.

Dean's heart threatened to beat out of his chest. They had already gotten past security and were now waiting to board the plane. The longer it took the more nervous he got. He brought a book with him but nothing could distract him from the sheer terror he was dealing with on the inside. He sat there, staring at the wall and tapping his foot on the ground.

"Dean, is there something wrong?"

"Fine." He lied to Castiel

The angel rolled his eyes. "I can clearly see you're not fine." He sighed. "You don't have to be embarrassed."

He jerked his head to his side and stared at the angel. "What?"

"Sam, he uh, told me about your fear of flying. Right after we got off the phone he sent me a text."

Dean felt his face redden. "Yeah, well, I'm not afraid I," He lied

He sighed. "Dean, it's okay. I read on the internet ways to help you deal with your phobia."

"Oh my God, you're going to Dr. Phil me?"

"If by Dr. Phil you mean am I going to help you deal with this, then yes I am going to Dr. Phil you."

"Cas." He groaned and covered his face.

The announcements crackled on overhead. Their plane was ready to board.

Dean got up and Castiel followed him. They walked up to the boarding gate. At this point, Dean's heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his head. He showed his ticket and stumbled onto the plane. He was vaguely aware of Castiel behind him as the flight attendant greeted him and informed him where his seat was. He walked back to the seat and sat down and Castiel sat beside him. He felt himself breathing heavy. He was on the damn thing now.

"Relax." Castiel said softly. He reached out and laid his hand on Dean's knee

Dean looked at the hand and somehow his heart pounded harder. This was not what he needed right now. An emotional crisis, on a plane with his best friend who he has feelings for that he won't address now because he's on a plane! He looked at Castiel and the angel looked at him with his dark blue eyes. "Cas?" He asked and his voice came out in a squeak

"You are going to be fine, Dean. I'm right here with you. How do you feel?"

He blinked. "How do I feel?" he asked. His voice came out way higher than he meant it to. He spotted them close the door on the plane. The captain announced they were preparing for take-off. "Oh man," He said. He took in air in gulps. Why did he do this? He felt something rubbing his knee and he looked down.

Castiel ran his hand along Dean's knee in a soothing motion. "You are okay, Dean, I got you."

Dean looked at him then back at the hand. He felt a mixture of confused feelings; part turned on, part annoyed. He grabbed his hand and pulled it off the knee. "Cas," He started then suddenly the plane was moving. Oh, God! They were taking off. He grabbed Castiel's hand with all his strength. He was vaguely aware of the flinch that Castiel made at the squeeze. "Oh, oh no." he screwed his eyes shut. He barely felt Castiel wrestle his hand from his and wrap both hands around Dean's. He could hear him whisper in his ear.

"It's okay, just breathe, Dean. I'm here."

The plane stopped vibrating. They were in the air now. Dean opened his eyes and let out a few panting breaths. "Shit." He mumbled. He looked at his hand now being held by Castiel's. "Cas?" He pulled his hand away from his. "Umm, thanks." He mumbled

"Anytime, Dean." He said

Dean closed his eyes and tried to get his mind to relax. As long as he didn't focus on it they would be in Ireland in no time. The plane shook and he let out a yelp and grabbed Castiel's hand.

"Just some turbulence." The angel said calmly

Dean didn't let go this time. He stared at the hand. Yes, holding Castiel's hand it brought him comfort. A comfort he hadn't felt in forever. He ran his fingers along the top of Castiel's hand. He liked this. He looked up at Castiel who gave him a faint smile. He smiled back and giggled nervously.

A flight attendant stopped at their seats. "Drinks gentleman?" She asked with a smile.

"No thank you. I don't drink." Castiel said

"I'll take a beer or the strongest thing you got." Dean managed to get out

She nodded and poured him a glass of a brown liquid and dropped some ice in it. "Here, honey." She smiled and Dean took the drink. "By the way, you two are a cute couple." She added as she rolled to the next seats.

Dean almost choked on his drink. "C-cute couple!" He yelped

"You are holding my hand." Castiel said his tone indifferent

"Yeah, well, sometimes… friends do that." He mumbled. He took a long sip of his beverage which turned out to be scotch. Thank God, because he needed a drink

"Dean, I have…" He watched the flight attendant move up to the next seats out of earshot. "I have observed humans for many years now and… the way you are holding my hand is more of a romantic gesture."

Dean jerked his hand away from Castiel's and glared at him. "Yeah, well, maybe I just needed a hand to hold."

He rolled his eyes. "How long are we going to keep this up?" He looked at Dean. He was frowning, eyes narrowed, forehead wrinkled.

"Keep what up?"

"This," He gestured between them. "Going on between you and me." He sighed. "It's frustrating." He shook his head.

"I don't want to talk about feelings." Dean mumbled

"Yeah, maybe I do, Dean." Castiel took his hand with confidence. "Ever since Amara I became aware of how strong my feelings were for you. When you went off to die I thought… I thought I would never find happiness,"

"Cas,"

"Let me finish. I have wanted something… I don't know what with you for a while and… I told you in that barn how I felt." He looked away then back at him. He traced Dean's hand with his finger. "I meant it. I want this…" He looked down at the hand then back at him.

"To hold hands?" Dean asked

He nodded. "Yes," His voice was low now. It sent a chill up Dean's spin.

Dean's breath caught in his throat as he found himself staring at Castiel's lips. He looked up into his eyes. Those eyes which he had always thought were beautiful.

"I know,"

His voice shook Dean out of his thoughts.

"That… you are uncomfortable with this affection. I know you are afraid of being judged for it. I know that some humans find this level of affection to be a weakness but I assure you it is not. Do not fear what others think of you, Dean."

"Cas…" He leaned forward some he felt his heart pounding in his chest. He removed his hand from Castiel's and was reaching up to his face when the plane shook again. "Son of a bitch!" He screamed and grabbed on to Castiel's hand again and began to pant. He was vaguely aware of all the dirty looks he got from the other passengers. "Sorry." He mumbled.

The intercom cracked to life and informed them they were coming in for the descent.

He clung to Castiel's hand as the angel whispered sweet words to him and rubbed his back with his free hand. Dean tried to steady his breath and very slowly he felt his body relax. He made a mental note if he should ever god forbid fly again he was going to take Castiel with him. He relaxed no; he pretty much melted into Castiel's touch. He listened to the angel's grace hum in his chest as Castiel whispered soothing words over and over again.

It didn't take long for the plane to land and Dean barely noticed. He heard the other passengers get up and Castiel whispered.

"Dean, we made it."

Dean untangled himself from Castiel. He studied the angel as he stood up. He wasn't as embarrassed at he thought he would be. He let out a soft sigh as he and Castiel got in line with everyone else.

They get through airport security and are out of the airport faster than Dean can say Impala. He hated airports almost as much as airplanes. Dean got them a rental car. The two of them hadn't talked about what had happened on the plane. Not yet anyway. The rental employee pulled up with a sleek black car and they got in.

"Well, it's no baby but it will do." Dean said as he started the car. He eased the car out of the parking structure and out on the road. He gave Castiel an address to input in the GPS

"Are we going to finish our conversation on the plane?" He asked as he finished putting in the address in the car.

Dean let out a sigh. "So, you…" He looked over at Castiel who was looking back at him. His face was one determination. "You… uh,"

"Love you. I love you, Dean." He said pointedly

He smiled. He couldn't help it. He felt the words on his shoulders. He had known for a while he had feelings for Castiel. He just didn't know what to do about them. He suspected that Sam knew as well which was why he sent him out here on this trip with Castiel in mind. To get them alone and talking. Dean thought back… Castiel had wanted to go with him to fight Amara. He was willing to die just to be with Dean so he wouldn't die alone. Castiel was willing to lay down his life just to be with Dean. Then when he returned to the Bunker that hug… god, that hug it was like something amazing. Then in the barn… he told him how he felt and what did Dean do? Nothing… he just left him there. A prime opportunity that he didn't take. Because why? Because he was afraid of what Sam would think, or his mother, or other hunters? Who cares if he is bi and with an angel? He pulled the car off to the side of the road.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked

"What I should have a long time ago." Dean said his voice low. He leaned over and grabbed the back of Castiel's head and pulled him forward. He crashed his lips into Castiel's. The angel returned the kiss with equal vigor. Here they were making out in this rental car on the side of the road in Ireland. Dean felt his heart leap for joy as his mind shut off. He melted into the kiss and wanted more but the need for air outweighed that. He pulled away and broke off the kiss.

"Dean." Castiel breathed. His face red and lips swollen

Dean smiled. He loved that he could make the angel look so shaken up. "Thank you for…

helping with the plane. I'm sorry that I, uh, never showed you how I felt before. I know… you're right. I am afraid of what other's think of me. I'm afraid that… people will judge me or… that us being a thing will open us up to attack but…" he sighed. "I love you, Cas. I have loved you for a long time… ever since Purgatory." He reached up and stroked Castiel's cheek.

The angel leaned into the touch. He smiled warmly a smile that Dean had never seen on his face before. "Dean." He murmured. He took his hand and kissed it. "I love you so much."

Dean went to speak again when his phone rang. He grabbed it and answered it. "Yeah?"

"Dean, did you make it in alright?" Sam asked on the other end

"Yeah, yeah," He looked up at Castiel. "Uh, Cas helped me through the worst parts."

Sam snickered. "Oh, I see." He said in his all-knowing tone

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Sam laughed. "Are you on your way? Or do uh, need some uh, time alone with

Cas?"

Dean rolled his eyes. He didn't want Sam getting in his business. "Dude, we are on our way we just stopped for… gas. Yeah, gas."

Sam snickered again. "Sure, Dean, I'll see you soon."

He hung up the phone and looked at Castiel. He smiled. "Where was I?" he leaned in and they kissed again. He couldn't believe he had waited this long to be with Castiel. He smiled to himself as he savored the moment. Sam would be alright until they got there. Castiel deepened the kiss and his hand roamed into Dean's hair. Dean let out a content sigh. Yes, this was where he belonged. In Castiel's arms. Who knows how long it would have taken them to get this point if he hadn't gotten on that plane. He makes a mental note to thank Sam for coming to Ireland later as he sinks into Castiel's kisses. He Hw


	20. Chapter 20

Dance with Me

Dean let out a small yawn as he walked out of the garage. Sam had dropped him off at the Bunker and went back out for groceries. Sam had informed him that Dean looked far too tired to keep going. Sam wanted him to rest. Dean yawned again as he got closer to the door. He wasn't going to argue with Sam about groceries since he didn't care for it to start with.

He laid his hand on the door and heard music. He stopped and frowned. He knew they didn't leave anything on when they left. It must be Cas playing music. Last month, Dean had taught Castiel how to use the record player and since then the angel had been working his way through their record collection.

He opened the door and walked into the library. Castiel was sitting at the table. The record played in the corner as Cas sat and read a book. Castiel looked up at him and smiled. "Hello, Dean."

"Hey there, Cas." Dean said. He walked up to him and sat on the edge of the table beside him. He listened in to the music and realized that Castiel was playing Frank Sentara. "Really, Cas?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What is wrong with my music selection?" He closed his book.

"Music? Led Zeppelin is music this is just… eh. Old people play this." He teased

"Dean, I am 'old'." He said using air quotes that drove Dean insane in a good way.

"Not that old." Dean said with a smile. "Do you really like this music?"

He sighed. "Yes and no. While I do enjoy music it doesn't have the… power that it has over me like it does humans."

"What do you mean?" He asked. He tried to tune out the music in the background. How in the world could an angel that rides with him and hears killer music day to day enjoy this type of stuff?

"Well, I know you like the types of music you do because you heard it all the time as a child. You grew up around it. It's part of your world. To me… I do like it to an extent but it doesn't hold the same meaning to me." He looked away and sighed.

"Hmm, and here I thought you liked my mixtape."

"I do. It…" Dean noticed a faint blush across Castiel's face. "Makes me think of you."

Dean blinked. Did Cas really just say that? He felt his heart flutter. He's had a crush on Castiel for years now. He just never acted on those feelings. He could never justify it or find that time. He was always afraid that something would happen to Castiel if he did. Though he did lose Castiel last year the pain from that was still raw. He went to speak. He didn't know what to say. He licked his lips as the music filled his ears.

Castiel picked up his book and stood up from his chair. "Well, I'll be going I got uh,"

Dean's mouth started moving before his mind caught up with himself. "Have you ever danced before, Cas?"

He paused and looked down at him. He frowned and tilted his head in the adorable way that made Dean's heart do a little flip flop. "What?"

"Have you… ever danced before, Cas?"

"N-no, I haven't, Dean."

Dean got off the table. He held out his hand to Castiel. "Dance with me."

He stared at his hand. He tilted his head again as he stared at it. "I uh, don't know how to dance."

"It's fine. It's just you and me. I can't dance either."

Castiel slowly reached out and laid his hand in Dean's.

He smiled. He pulled Castiel close. "Put your hand here." He took Castiel's hand and laid it on his shoulder. "And the other one on my side."

"Here?" He asked as he laid his hand on Dean's hip.

Dean felt a tingle where Castiel's hand was touching his hip. 'Don't think about it' he told himself. "Okay follow my lead." Dean started to move around the library with Castiel following him with stiff footsteps. "Relax, Cas. Just move with the music."

"O-okay, Dean." Castiel said. He looked down at his feet. He chewed on his lower lip as he focused on his feet.

"Cas." Dean said to get the angel's attention.

He jerked his head up and looked him in the eyes. "Yes?"

"Stop staring at your feet." He pulled him closer. "Just follow my lead okay?"

He nodded and stared into his eyes.

Dean felt his face heat up. Castiel's gaze was just too intense. Dean's breath hitched he lost focus under the gaze. Dean's feet got caught around Castiel's. "Oh shit!" He yelped as he tumbled into Castiel's chest with a thud.

Castiel let out a yelp. He wrapped his arms around Dean to try to steady him and instead fell backwards onto the floor. He let out a huff as his the air was knocked out of his lungs. "Dean, are you okay?"

Dean didn't realize how much muscle Castiel had until now. His hands were right on Castiel's pecks as he raised his head up. "I uh," He stared at Castiel as he looked up at him with his deep blue eyes. Well, Dean forgot how to talk. He just stared at the angel. "Cas?" He asked

"Dean." He repeated

The tension was palpable. Dean breathed intensely. He started to move without thinking. He leaned in. He rested his hands on the side of Castiel's face and held his face. He leaned in and placed his lips on Castiel's. He went to break the kiss when Castiel pulled him back in and kissed him deeply.

The two exchanged kisses back and forth on the library floor. The record had ended now and they kissed in silence.

Then the door opened. "I'm back can someone help me with the groceries?" Sam called as he walked in. He stopped and stared at the two of them who was still on the floor. "Oh, uh, sorry I didn't…"

Dean jumped off of Castiel's chest. "Hey there, Sammy." He said with a nervous laugh

Sam blinked as he watched Castiel get up off the floor and smooth down his trench coat. "I…" His mouth opened and closed like a fish. His face grew red. "I…" He shook his head.

"Did you say you needed help with the groceries, Sam?" Castiel asked.

Dean looked over at the angel who didn't even look embarrassed. "Cas, I think he's in shock from seeing us making-out on the floor."

Sam rubbed his eyes. "I had my suspensions but… I didn't… expect to… you know what. I'm sorry guys. You two… have uh, at it." He stormed out of the library

Dean chuckled. "I think we traumatized, Sam." He patted Castiel's shoulder. "Come on let's help, Sam." He headed towards the door.

"Dean." Castiel started.

He stopped and looked back. "Yeah?"

He fiddled with the end of his tie clearly nervous. "Dean, are we… a couple?"

"Do you… do you want to be a couple?"

He nodded as a blush bloomed across his cheek. "I would like that a lot."

He smiled. His heart filled with joy. "I would too, Cas." He reached his hand out to him.

Castiel took his hand and smiled.

"Come on let's go help Sam."

"Okay, Dean." The angel said as he rubbed his thumb along Dean's hand

Dean looked at their hands. He was glad they did this. He couldn't wait to see what their future held together.


	21. Chapter 21

I Love You

"I love you." Those words echoed in Dean's mind as he tried to wash the Impala. They nagged at him poked at his brain like boney fingers clawing at him. Castiel said that to him last night and what did Dean do… nothing. He did nothing. He said nothing. He just looked at the angel words failing him. Castiel gave an angry huff and left him alone. The two had been watching a movie together. Throughout the movie, their bodies slowly moved closer and closer until Dean's head was lying against Castiel's shoulder. He knew it was weird… for a friend to do that. To want, no, to have the need to cuddle his best friend.

It was a dangerous dance the two found themselves in over and over again through the years. Dean would let his guard down get near the angel. They acted like a couple in every way without the name.

"Shit." He muttered to himself as he tossed the washrag in the bucket of water causing the soapy water to splash on the garage floor. He stared at the bubbles as they popped. He ran a wet hand through his hair and paced around his car. Anger boiled in his heart.

 _"I love you."_ Echoed in his mind as Castiel ran his hands through his hair that night. The angel held him close and smiled at him waiting for Dean to say the same. Waited and waited. Dean just watched as Castiel's stormy blue eyes went from joyful to pure sadness. Gave little protest as the angel pushed him away and got up from the couch and stormed out of the Dean Cave.

Dean couldn't blame him. Castiel probably thought he was leading him on. He leaned against his car. He could pray to Cas. Tell him how he felt. Would that be easier than saying to his face? He watched the rest of the bubbles pop. He had to do something. He closed his eyes.

"Cas," He said to thin air. "I hope. I hope you have your ears on." He sighed and rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry, man; I'm just so bad with words and…" He wanted to say it. His heart yearned for it but fear clawed at him. If he said that simple four-letter word than it made it real. Once it was real, there was a chance it could be taken from him. His mind played back that time of Jack's birth when Lucifer plunged that angel blade into Castiel. He couldn't… he couldn't go through that again.

He clenched his fists. He could hear Castiel whisper in his ear again. _"I love you."_ He licked his lips. He wanted this. He knew that for a long time. He wanted a relationship with Castiel. He loved him dearly. With all of his being, he loved the angel.

"Cas, I'm sorry. I was having an emotional crisis." His heart beat wildly and spoke to the air. "Castiel, I love you too." There it was over it was out. He prayed it to him. He knew he heard it.

He opened his eyes and looked around. The world didn't explode like he thought it would. He picked up his washrag and began to finish his work on the Impala. He knew that Castiel would return to the Bunker then they could sit and have a good talk about their feelings. Like adults.

Hours went by and Dean didn't hear anything from him. He wasn't concerned he figured Castiel was still a little upset. Or on his way back. Then hours turned into a day. Then days. Then soon a week. Then Dean started to worry. He checked his phone over and over. He called. He left messages he sent texts. Finally, he approached Sam.

"I can't get ahold of Cas."

Sam looked up from his laptop. "So? You know he has a tendency to go off the grid when he is busy."

He shook his head. "No, Sam." He sighed. "Not like this. He should have been back."

Sam closed the laptop and looked at the chair across from him. "Want to talk about it?"

He looked at the chair and eventually sat down. He didn't want to talk to Sam about it but maybe if he did then Sam would help. "Me and Cas we… he got upset with me."

"Dean." He sighed. "What did you do?"

He ran his hand over his face. "Cas the other day he… he confessed and… I froze. Like a damn coward. He got mad and took off."

"I don't blame him,"

He cut off his brother before he could finish. "Don't, Sam. Anyway, I apologized to him in prayer and… I you know. Told him I feel the same. I expected him to come back. Or at least call. I mean I said I was sorry so… I would think that he would be over it." He rubbed his arm. "Chuck knows Cas's forgiven me for far worse things."

Sam nodded and opened his laptop back up. He searched for Castiel's phone. He frowned. "Hmmm, he's been about five hours away. He's been there for a while it seems." He said as he checked the last times the cell tower picked up on his location.

"Is he working a case?" Dean asked. He got up and leaned over Sam's shoulder. Worry nagged at him. Surely Cas would have called him or something.

Sam did a search of the area. He found some cases of sudden and mysterious deaths. "Looks like he is." Sam started reading over the reports.

Dean pulled out his phone and called Castiel again. It went right to voicemail. He let out an angry sigh. "Cas, I know you are working a case. Call me please." He hung up the phone. "Where exactly is he?"

Sam pulled the phone tracking back up. "He is… that's weird. I can't find his phone now."

Worry turned into full-blown panic. Dean stuck his phone in his pocket. "We're going, Sam." He grabbed his bag of gear and all but ran to the car.

They made it to Castiel's last known location. It was a rundown motel at the beginning of the city line. Dean parked the Impala and stormed into the motel office with a protesting Sam behind him.

He rushed up to the desk. "Have you seen this man?" He asked the clerk who was some teenaged boy as he showed him a picture of Castiel.

The boy didn't look up from his phone. "Nope." He muttered

Dean growled an animal-like growl. He grabbed the teen by his shirt collar and hauled him up out of his chair.

"Oh shit!" The teen screamed. His phone hit the floor with a loud thud and a crash. "Mister, I don't know who the hell you are but you are paying for that." He said

Dean shook the kid. "I don't give a damn about your stupid phone." He held up the picture of Castiel again. "Look at this. Take a good long look. Did you see him?"

"Dean." Sam started. He reached out his reluctance obvious.

The kid looked at the picture. "Oh, blue eyes. Weirdo in the trench coat. Yeah, I know him."

Dean eased the kid down. "What room is he in?"

"Is he in trouble? He's just so… weird. Like I've never,"

"What room is he in?" Dean shouted and the kid jumped

"120." He slid him a spare key. "Just don't make a mess."

He glared at him and took the key. He stormed out of the office with Sam following him.

"Dean!" Sam shouted

Dean kept walking. He had to see Castiel. He had to know he was okay. Or something at least.

"Dean!" Sam ran in front of him and stopped him. "The hell are you doing?"

He looked up at his brother. "Getting Cas. Or at least finding out what the hell happened to Cas." He walked around him and kept going.

"Dean, you need to calm down. You scared the hell out of that kid."

"And?"

"What if… what if something did happen to Cas?"

He stopped and looked back at him. "Then God help the poor bastard that did it. Because I will make them pay." He growled. He made it to the room Castiel was in. Cas's big pick-up truck was parked nearby so he was either still here or left on foot. Or taken. He shook his head and knocked on the door. "Cas! It's me, Dean."

Dean waited and when no answer came he unlocked the door. He walked in. The room looked immaculate for a fleabag motel. He looked around. Castiel had some documents lying around and a chart hung up. "He was defiantly hunting something." Dean said

Sam came in behind him and looked at the stuff. He picked up a few newspaper reports and looked at the chart. "Looks like Cas narrowed down the attacks to one area." He walked up to the chart and studied it.

Dean smirked. "Took him long enough but it looks like he's actually getting good at hunting." He picked up a notebook. He flipped through it. Castiel had jotted down family member reports, names of victims, and where they were grabbed. He noticed Castiel had written down and circled the word: Old Mill House. "Sammy, look on the map and see where a Mill House is. Cas seemed to think it was related." He flipped to the next page and noticed the note: call Dean. He licked his lips. Castiel clearly got his messages.

He walked around the room and spotted the cell phone lying on the bed. He picked it up and tried to turn it on. "Phone is deader than a doornail." He mumbled. He walked over to the table and plugged in the charger and the phone. "You would think an ancient being would have enough common sense to keep his phone on him." He grumbled

"Well, said ancient being is used to communicating with preinstalled radio. Remember?" Sam said

Dean rolled his eyes and turned on the phone once it was powered on enough. He noticed all his messages and calls were there unchecked. So Castiel heard his prayers but didn't check his phone any time after that.

"Dean, the mill house." He pointed at it at the map. "All the attacks happened near it." He pointed at the tacks in the map. "The first one, second, third, and fourth."

"So what are we dealing with?"

"I read over the reports… I think it's a Djinn."

"Djinn in the mill house. Okay. Let's get some lambs blood and go kill the bastard."

Sam sighed. "You don't think… it has Cas do you?"

Dean felt his stomach drop. "Sam, that's the only thing that makes sense."

He chewed his lip. "We should be prepared for anything. If it's fed on his blood who knows what angel blood will do to a Djinn."

He shrugged. "Any luck it killed it."

The two of them got prepared and headed to the old mill house. They snuck in keeping their eyes piled and ready to strike.

Dean got a strong smell of blood. He frowned and kept walking. They were getting closer to where the Djinn kept its victims and probably Castiel. He steadied his weapon and kept going. He heard a low moan. "Cas!" He called out.

Sam shot him a look of concern as Dean took off into an open area.

There before them was Castiel. He was pale and was hanging up by his wrists in the middle of the room. Many blood bags were hooked into his neck and one in his wrist which was leaking and pooling blood around Castiel's white shirt.

Dean gasped at the sight. Panic filled him. He had to save Castiel. "Come on, Sammy."

"But the Djinn," Sam gave up. They did have to help Castiel

Between the two of them, they got the angel down from the chains. His nearly lifeless body slumped against Dean.

"I'm going to look around." Sam said.

Dean nodded and looked down at the angel. No, his angel. He stroked Castiel's wet black hair that was sticking to his forehead. "Cas."

He moaned again and slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Dean. "Dean," He weakly touched his chest. "You're real." He smiled weakly. "Real. Dean. Not fake." He rested his head against him.

"Stay with me, buddy." Dean said. He looked around and listened for the Djinn.

"Powers… didn't work on me… that well." He muttered. He looked up at him again his blue eyes glassy. "Just sometimes and every time… you came and saved me."

"This is real, honey." He flinched when he realized he called him honey.

Dean felt Castiel touch his chest again. "Real Dean. The real Dean." He kept saying as if he wasn't really sure himself.

Dean heard a shout of an unknown voice that sounded like a cry of pain. He waited and debated going to Sam but he had Castiel clinging to him like a long lost child.

"Everything is fine, Dean!" He heard Sam call to him as he walked back towards them. He walked into the big room and looked down at Castiel. "Apparently, it couldn't handle angel blood. It was… dying… I actually put it out of it's misery."

"Undone by it's own hunger." Castiel mumbled into Dean's shirt. "I told it didn't want my blood."

Dean looked at Sam. "Help me get him up."

Between the two of them, they got Castiel up and walked him to the car. Out in the light, Dean could see how pale Castiel was, and could see all the spots of blood on his clothes.

"Let's take him back to his motel room and get him cleaned up." Dean said. He eased Castiel into the back seat.

They made it back to the motel and helped Castiel into his room. He stared at the bed and looked wistfully at it. "I want to sleep." He grumbled. To the angel, sleep was an inconvenience

"I know but let's get you cleaned up first." Dean said.

The two of them got him into the bathroom and helped him in the shower. Sam took Castiel's clothes and tossed away the blood-soaked ones. He stuck the coat in a bag to take with them in hopes it could get clean. He returned with a set of Dean's extra clothes and handed them to Dean. "I'm uh, going to wait out here." He said as he left the bathroom

Dean sighed he stood by the shower. He was far away to give the angel privacy but close enough if he needed help he was there. He watched the steam rise from above the shower door and listened for the water to cut off.

Castiel stepped out of the shower. His skin was now reddish and pink because of the hot water. He picked up a towel and wrapped it around his lower half to cover his genitals. "I know that… humans find nudity uncomfortable." He mumbled

Dean handed him another towel as he felt a blush creep upon his face. He watched him dry then finally asked. "Cas?"

He looked at him as he toweled off his black hair. The lower towel hung dangerously on the side of hips threatening to fall off. "Yes, Dean."

"Did you…" He sighed. "Did you get my prayer?"

Castiel pulled his pants on under the towel and dropped the wet fabric to the floor with a flop. He picked up a shirt and started to pull it over his head. "Of course. I hear all your prayers, Dean."

Dean sighed and looked around the small bathroom looking for his courage. "I meant it you know."

He nodded as he looked at himself in the mirror and fixed his hair. "I…" He looked back at him and sighed. "I want to hear it from you, Dean. I want to see your lips form the words."

He licked his lips and rubbed his head shyly. He looked at Castiel and focused on his blue eyes. "I love you, Castiel." He said slowly being sure to form every word with his mouth.

The angel smiled and eased closer to him. "I know." He whispered in his ear. "I have known for a while."

"Is that why you got so upset?"

Castiel rested his hands on Dean's shoulders. "I've felt this way about you for a long time. I knew you felt the same I just wanted to hear it. I mean… from what I have seen on TV I'm fairly certain we are a couple."

Dean chuckled. "Yes, Cas, I think we are…" he felt himself blush. "If uh, if that is what you want that is."

He nodded. "I have wanted this for years." He ran his hands down Dean's chest which made the hunter shutter. "You and me together." His hands slowly traveled back up Dean's body. He gently cupped his face and stared into his eyes.

"Cas…" Dean breathed. He knew what was about to happen next. His body hummed with excitement as his eyes fell closed. He felt Castiel pull him in. Their lips met. It was a soft kiss. Castiel cradle Dean's head as Dean creased his jawline. Their mouths fell open with a sigh as they both got lost in the kiss. Sucking, and nipping on each other's lips. Tongues exploring their mouths mapping them out. Hands wandered and touched and caressed each other. Dean felt like he was flying. His heart beat rapidly. He pushed Castiel against the wall with very little force as he put a hand under the other man's shirt. Everything seemed to snap in place everything felt right. The world didn't end, Cas didn't turn into dust. He broke the kiss his breaths came in heavy pants. He looked at Castiel's wide blue eyes. His clothes rumpled his hair a mess.

"Whoa." Dean said as he tried to catch his breath.

Castiel smiled and chuckled. "Whoa indeed." He ran his hand through his hair and tried to fix it. He looked at Dean and smiled. "I am glad you are real. When the Djinn had me… it tempted me a few times with some… uh, steamy, dreams." He blushed

Dean laughed. "I'm real. One hundred percent Dean."

"Glad." He sighed. He looked at the door. "I had forgotten about, Sam."

Dean noticed the blush on the angel's face. "Sam will be alright. He already knew… I told him… before we came after you."

He nodded. He reached out and took his hand. "Then I will not hide my affections for you in front of him."

"Just keep it PG, buddy."

"What does a movie rating have to do with affections?"

"Never mind." He opened the bathroom door and they walked out.

Castiel let out a loud yawn and looked at the bed fondly.

Sam was sitting on the other one. "There's no pullout… or couch…" He looked down at his laptop. "So someone is sharing abed."

Castiel flopped onto the bed and buried his head in the pillow. "Being drained like that. Took a lot of my grace. I'm so tired." He looked at Dean and held his hand out to him. "Share a bed with me, Dean."

Dean looked at his hand then up to Sam.

"Hey, man, I don't care." Sam said as he looked up from his laptop. "As long as you two don't… you know…"

"Have sex?" Castiel asked

Both Winchesters blushed. Sam chuckled nervously. "Yeah, well, just if you decide that you know you want to do that… just wake me up and I'll sleep in the car."

Castiel raised his head from his pillow. He glanced at Dean then back at Sam. "As tempting as that is, I am far too tired for that. So you can put your fears to rest, Sam."

Dean took Castiel's hand and slowly crawled into bed with him. "How do you want to?" He looked at him and Castiel pushed up onto the bed and nuzzled his head against his chest. "Guess I'm the little spoon." Dean said. His face burned red as he heard his brother chuckle at him. He went to say something but soon heard Castiel snoring. The angel really was tired. He smiled and ran his hands through the other man's hair. "Goodnight, angel." He said softly

"Dude, you keep it up and I'm going to get diabetes." Sam teased

"Shut it." He mumbled to him. He was feeling tired himself. Days worrying about Castiel really wore him out.

Sam let out a small yawn. "I'm proud of you, Dean." He put his laptop off to the side. "It only took you forever but you finally did it."

He smiled and looked down at the angel that had a death grip on him. Yes, he had finally done it. He kissed Castiel's forehead. His eyes were becoming heavy. He heard Sam's breathing become steady as he eased off to sleep. He watched the angel for a bit before he fell asleep as well. His dream consisted of future wishes of him and Castiel together forever. He could see nothing but them together and happy ever after. He would do anything to protect his angel and he knew the angel would do anything to protect his hunter. Dean knew that things would come along and try to take Cas from him. It was the nature of their line of work. But Dean was ready to fight for everything he ever wanted in life. Fear would no longer hold Dean Winchester back from Castiel. Nothing would.


	22. Chapter 22

What's yours is Also Mine

Dean walked back into his room after a long hunt. It wasn't a tough hunt to be exact just a long one. He looked forward to crawling into his favorite lounge clothes and relaxing. He walked up to the dresser and opened it to retrieve his favorite well-worn shirt. He dug through all the other shirts that were just as good but he wanted this one. This shirt was an AC/DC shirt that he had found at a flea market many years ago. Sam muttered something about him buying used clothes but Dean didn't care. He loved the shirt. It was too big for him, it was black at one time but had been washed so much to the point it was more of a dull black rather than a deep one, the picture faded, the sleeves worn. It was nice to wear around the house and perfect for relaxing.

He frowned he couldn't find his shirt. He let out a sigh. Maybe he had put it in the wash and forgot it? Or worse yet maybe Sam did something to it. He glared at his brother in his mind's eye. If Sam tossed out his shirt he was going to toss out his shampoo that he couldn't stand the smell of. He grabbed his worn out Pink Floyd shirt and put it on. It was nice but not as nice as his AC/DC shirt. He put on his Batman pajama bottoms and noticed his Superman pants were also missing. Odd.

He walked out of his room and into the library. Sam was there putting away some gear. He was still in his flannel and hadn't yet gotten changed. Dean was one of those people as soon as he got home he had to change and get comfy. Sam looked up at him and rolled his eyes. "Dean, you look homeless."

"I'm comfy." He said as he leaned on the table. "Where's my shirt, Sam?"

"Shirt? Which shirt?"

"The AC/DC shirt. What did you do to it?"

Sam blinked and looked at him with genuine confusion. "Nothing, did you stick it in the laundry and forget about it?"

Dean huffed. "You're lying I know you took it." He bluffed to see if Sam would react.

"Dean, I swear I did not touch that nasty thing. Honestly, someone was doing you a favor by getting rid of it." He pulled out a few things out of the bag and laid them out. Checking that guns had enough bullets and so forth. He smirked. "Maybe Cas got tired of you wearing that shirt."

He frowned. "Cas doesn't care what I wear." He huffed. He straightened up a blush grew on his face. "He uh, said I look. *cough* good in anything."

Sam snickered. "Well, maybe he was being polite." He teased

"Shut it. I'm going to the laundry room to see if it's there. Maybe he started laundry while we were gone."

Dean walked into the laundry room and looked through the hampers lying in there. There was laundry being washed but he didn't see his shirt. Maybe it was in the washer? He looked through the folded clothes. Nope, not there. He sighed and shrugged. He had to find Castiel and ask him.

He headed to the kitchen and got a beer and headed to the Dean Cave. Usually, Cas hung out there if he didn't come with them on a hunt. He heard the TV playing in the background. "Cas." He announced himself as he walked in so he didn't startle the angel if that was even possible.

"Ah, Dean, I didn't realize you guys came back." Castiel said from Dean's recliner

Dean smiled. Ever since the two of them started dating he gave him full and total access to the Dean Cave. Sure Sam, his mom, and Jack could come in here but none of them could sit in his favorite chair. "Yeah, we just got back." He walked up to the recliner. "I couldn't find my AC/DC shirt," He started as he got beside Castiel. "Have you…" He didn't finish the sentence as he looked down to see that the angel was in his shirt and his Superman pajama pants. He blinked and stared at him with his mouth hung open. The hell?

Castiel gave him a small smile. "Yeah, uh, I took yours and Sam's advice and… got out of that suite and made myself… comfortable." He said as he gestured to the clothes. It was true for a while Castiel hung around the Bunker in his usual angel of the lord gear. Once in a while, he would take off the trench coat and if he was really feeling wild he would ditch the tie. He always looked stuffy. Stuffy to the point most of the residents of the Bunker told him to relax and stay a while. Dean just didn't expect him to take his clothes though. "You don't mind do you, Dean?"

Dean shook his head. "No, man. As long as you are comfy." Dean was happy just to see him in something else. He wasn't happy to lose his favorite shirt but he wasn't going to worry about it. Plus it probably fit Cas better anyways. He sat in the recliner beside Castiel, the angel reached out and took his hand. Sam had told Dean before they needed to get a sofa or a love seat for the Dean Cave and he was starting to see that.

"I missed you." Castiel said so very softly that Dean almost didn't hear him.

They sat there together. Holding hands and watching TV in mostly silence. As Dean felt his eyes get heavy Castiel insisted they go to bed. The two of them had been kind of sharing a bed. It was odd. Since Castiel didn't sleep he really didn't need a bed. Usually, Dean would go to sleep as Castiel held him and once he was asleep he would read or get up and do something else. About the only time that Castiel tried to stay all night was when they made love and discovered that Dean didn't like it when he left afterward.

Dean lay on the bed and Castiel crawled in beside him. "Gonna stay?" He asked his eyes half-lidded

Castiel kissed him on the cheek. "If you want me to, Dean."

"I want…" He started but his thoughts were cut off as he fell asleep. His hands fisted into his shirt on Castiel's body.

Dean did eventually get his shirt back but as time went on more of his clothes would vanish at random. A few flannels had ended up somehow in Castiel's dresser, a jacket went missing, and then finally his Dead Guy Robe. He was not happy about the robe. He sat in the kitchen area glaring at his cereal and cup of coffee.

"You okay, Dean? You seem pissed." Sam said as he sat down

He glared at him. "Damn right I'm pissed." He huffed

Mary walked into the kitchen to pour herself some coffee. She and Jack had been on a hunt and came back the night before. She looked at her son her expression worried. "Are you and Castiel fighting?" She asked

Sam looked at their mother then back at Dean. "Is everything okay with you two? You have been acting a little odd since he took your shirt."

"Took his shirt?" Mary asked

"The AC/DC shirt."

"The one that's so big it can pass as a tent? It's not a flattering shirt, Dean." She said as she sat down

Dean rolled his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. "It's not just that shirt. He took some of my flannel. I gave him my blue ones because… well, they bring out his eyes. Next thing I know, he's taken three different ones now. He took my jean jacket,"

"Don't you have two of them?" Sam asked

He glared at him. "He took my jean jacket. Now, he's taken my robe."

"The Dead Guy Robe?" Sam asked as he frowned

Mary shook her head. "You really need to buy a robe that didn't belong to someone else."

"You guys could get matching robes." Sam suggested

Dean rolled his eyes. "If he keeps taking my clothes I'm going to be naked." At least he would have pants. He was pretty sure Cas couldn't fit in his pants but he wasn't a hundred percent sure on that one.

"Why is he taking your clothes though?" Sam asked. He rubbed his chin in thought. "I thought you guys went shopping and got him some stuff."

"We did. That's why I don't understand it." He huffed. "It's frustrating." He crossed his arms. He wasn't much on long term relationships. The closest thing he had was with Lisa and she never took his clothes. Then again she had some of the same opinions Sam had on his wardrobe that some of it needed to go. "I got him clothes I don't know he wants mine."

Mary giggled softly. "Dean, did you ever consider maybe Cas just wants to be close to you?"

"We are close, mom. I mean, we share a bunker. He usually stays with me when we go to bed, he's got free range of the Dean Cave I don't think we can get closer than that."

She gave a small eye roll. "Dean," She sighed.

Sam smirked. "Jess used to take my hoodie all the time. I offered to give it to her but she told me she didn't want it. She only wanted it when it smelled like me. She said it was comforting."

Dean raised an eyebrow at him but their mom jumped in.

"I used to take your father's jacket. He loaned it to me one time when I didn't bring mine and it got cold one fall. I wore it for days because it was like I had John with me all the time."

"So you two are saying he's taking my stuff because it reminds him of me?"

They nodded.

He frowned. "I guess I… I don't get it, man. We live together. Why does he need something to remind him of me?" Course Castiel was out now with Jack bonding and Cas did take a flannel of his to wear. His robe was MIA though he suspected it was in Cas's room.

Mary shrugged. "I can't explain it. It's more something you need to experience."

He picked up his coffee and drank it in one smooth motion. He had an idea. "Yeah, I got it." He got up from the table. "I'll take something of Cas's and see how he likes it."

"That's not what I meant." Mary said as he walked out of the kitchen

Dean walked into Castiel's room. It felt weird going into his room without him in it. He looked around and walked up to the dresser. It was an invasion of privacy but since Castiel had gone through his drawers this felt more like revenge and less like snooping. He opened up one that had his missing flannel in it. He considered taking them back but since he did own a lot of flannel he supposed Castiel could have them. He opened the next one and it had a few button-down shirts in it. Most were white a few were blue and one was lilac. Back up shirts for when he couldn't mojo a shirt clean. Dean was glad that they had finally talked the angel into changing his clothes once in a while. The other draw had pants and Dean knew they would just fall off his ass so he passed on those. He moved to the other side. The top draw had his T-shirt in it and a few others that he had given or bought for Castiel. None of these items seemed to fulfill his requirements. He looked over at the chair and spotted the answer. Castiel's trench coat. The tan fabric lay in the chair like a blanket. He was surprised Castiel didn't wear it out with Jack today. He probably wore the jean jacket he took.

He picked up the trench coat and looked at it. It was kind of big on Cas so how would it look on him. He put on the jacket. He looked at himself in Castiel's mirror. The bottom of it was around his califs as he was taller than Castiel but the rest of the coat swallowed him. He pulled it together and felt like a flasher. He shook his head. He couldn't believe Cas wore this thing all the time. Then it hit him. He sniffed he could smell Cas on the jacket. It was pleasant and a bit strange. The angel had a unique scent. His clothes had smelled faintly of Jimmy Novak's aftershave but those clothes were long gone. This outfit was purely Castiel and his heavenly scent. The earthy smell rose from the coat. It was like how it smelled outside after a good rainstorm. He let out a murmur of a moan as he sniffed the lapel of the jacket. It sent his mind back to the first time they shared a bed. He had buried his head in Castiel's neck as he slept. It made him think of when they made love for the first time and his world was filled and surrounded by the essence of Castiel. The angel had a nice essence.

He looked around as if he was doing something naughty. His face turned red from thinking back to that night. He shook his head. Now wasn't the time to get hot and bothered. He left the coat on and looked for his robe. He eventually did find it folded up nicely and tucked on the couch. He picked it up and had a moment where he considered leaving it. He shook his head and decided he needed to man up. That was his robe, not Cas's. He grabbed the robe and stormed out of the room.

Dean walked back into his room and hung his robe up where it belonged. He headed out of his room and went to the Dean Cave. He decided to watch TV until Castiel came home. He settled in and held the coat close to his body. He kept inhaling the smell. He felt like a creeper every time he did it but oh did he enjoy it. It was like being wrapped up in the warmth of Castiel. He sighed contently and lay on his side with the trench coat pressed up against his face.

Next thing he knew, Castiel was waking him up. "Dean, Dean sweetheart you are sleeping through your show."

Dean slowly opened his eyes to see Castiel standing there in his clothes. He frowned but Cas looked good in his flannel. "Cas." He mumbled. He sat up and realized he was still wearing his coat. Well, this was embarrassing.

He looked at him scowling. "Dean, why are you wearing my coat?"

He shrugged. "Why are you wearing my flannel and why did you take my robe?"

He looked at the flannel. "I told you I took the robe because I couldn't very well walk down the hallway naked. As for the flannel I…" he ran his hands along the edges of the shirt.

He gave him a soft smile. "It's because it smells like me isn't it?"

He let out a soft sigh. "Yes, I suppose that's why. When I wear your clothes… I feel like we are holding each other."

Dean noticed Castiel blush he didn't know the angel could do that. "Cas," He said with a smile. He took his hands. "I was pissed this morning because you kept taking my stuff but now… now I think I understand." He pulled Castiel close to him and gave him a soft kiss. "Because I will admit I really enjoyed wearing your coat." He said against his lips. "I really liked it. Made me think of our first time and all those times we cuddled at night."

Castiel blushed again. "Dean." He said softly. He leaned in and gave him a kiss this one was firm and in control. "You are giving me all kinds of ideas." He said suggestively well as suggestively as he could manage. He smiled at him. "Those are some of my fondest memories." He cradled Dean's head in his hands. "When you finally let me in your life." He gave him another kiss. "When you opened up and confessed. I was the happiest person alive then."

Dean smiled as Castiel said that. The two of them had played a dance for years. They stared at each other (eye fucking as Sam called it), they were close real close, when one got hurt or died the other one felt it ten times worse. Dean wasn't sure if it was all on his own or if part of it was from that bond but he knew that he loved Castiel. In Purgatory all he wanted to do was kiss him but he was so afraid of it. Several near misses later, he finally got the courage to tell Castiel how he felt. The angel had confessed to him in that barn and he had denied everything after that. Told himself it was brotherly love that Cas felt not romantic. Told himself that Castiel didn't feel love like he did or felt the same as him. That was until Cas was killed by Lucifer. The anguish Dean felt was beyond anything he had felt in his life. Yes, it hurt when Cas died before but that was before he realized how much he loved him. The thought of dealing with Jack without Cas, dealing with the world without his angel made him want to give up on life. He remembered that phone call from Castiel and finding him at that public phone. He had meant to tell him everything, how much he loved and missed him but his words never came out. Instead, he planted the biggest kiss ever on Castiel's warm chapped lips and they had been an official couple since. He was pretty sure they had been a couple in everything but name up until that point though.

"I love you, Castiel." Dean said as he gave him a kiss.

"I love you too, Dean." Castiel kissed him back. "And I love it when you call me by my full name."

"Get a shorter name and I'll call you by your full name more often."

"Assbutt." Castiel teased and he kissed him again.

They exchanged kisses back and forth. Dean felt Castiel run his hands down his arms as he tried to remove the coat. He smiled in the kiss now this was going somewhere. He felt Castiel pull away and he looked up at him his hair disheveled his lips kiss swollen. "Hey, Cas," he said his voice gruff with lust. "Want to… you know go back to my room?" he suggested.

Castiel gave him a suggestive wink. "Yes, Dean."

The two of them held hands as they walked to his room. They barely got in the door when Castiel grabbed Dean by the lapels of his coat. He pushed up against a wall and started to kiss him roughly. Dean was lost in the sense of lust. He wanted more of Castiel. His hands explored his body and felt the warmth leave him as the coat was taken off. "Cas." Dean groaned he had his eyes closed. His body was ready. He felt Castiel move away from him and then he said.

"I'll be taking back my coat then." He slung it over his arm and headed for the door.

He frowned. "Seriously, Cas, you jerk." He teased

He smirked at him. "Oh, don't worry I'll be back. I'm just going to put my coat back in my room before you decide it's yours."

He rolled his eyes as he watched him leave his room. "I took my robe back by the way!" He shouted at him down the hallway. "You just going to leave me here like this!" He shouted and silently hoped no one else was around to hear him.

Castiel practically sprinted back up the hall his eyes glinted with mirth. "Nope, just didn't want my coat to end up in your stuff." He attached his lips back to his and pushed him into his room.

Dean smiled into the kiss. His mind swimming. He inhaled Castiel's scent and thought of the first time this had happened. How clumsy they had been and yet completely perfect. Neither man knowing exactly what to do and yet it was oh so good.

Castiel pulled his lips away from his. "You looked so… cute in my coat. I didn't think I could contain myself with you wearing it." He kissed him again. "Maybe I'll buy another coat and wear it around and give it to you." He kissed him again.

"I like that idea. Be nice especially when you are gone."

He laughed. He leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Only if you give me the robe."

"You little shit." He teased. "Fine, you can have the robe. I'll get another one."

"Deal." He kissed his ear and pushed him onto the bed.

Dean laughed and the two were washed away in the moment between them.

A few days later, the two of them sat at the library table. Dean wore Castiel's coat and Castiel wore Dean's robe. No one had really asked them about it and neither brought it up until,

"Why are you guys wearing each other's clothing?" Jack asked as he set down a book for research

Castiel looked over at Dean who looked at him. He let out a sigh and said. "When you fall in love you will understand."

Jack raised an eyebrow and left it at that.

After that, Dean and Castiel would share each other's clothing even if it seemed odd to some of the residents of the Bunker. They liked it and they loved each other and had no plans on stopping.


	23. Chapter 23

Frosty

Dean loud an extremely loud huff as he looked over the research they had for their case. There was a possible witch. One who was freezing people? Great just great what they needed a rouge Elsa running around freezing people. He ran his hand through his hair and let out a groan of annoyance.

"Something on your mind, Dean?" Sam asked his voice bitchy and his face was sporting bitch face number ten.

"Yeah, we've been looking at this research for hours and we are no closer than what we were yesterday." He slammed his book shut. "And I'm hungry!"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Cas is getting us food so don't hangry."

"I'm not hangry." He huffed. "I'm annoyed."

"Yeah, because you are hungry." Sam teased

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. "Did you get ahold of Rowena yet?"

Sam picked up his phone and looked at it. "No, she hasn't texted me back yet."

He got up and stretched. He just wanted this job done and over with so they could go home. He missed his bed, he missed his TV, he missed his kitchen, well, and he missed his everything. The door opened up and Castiel walked in with bags in his hand. Dean couldn't help but smile. At least he had Cas. He felt his face heat up. He had been having a lot of thoughts like that lately. He mentally sighed. He was playing a dangerous game. He was developing stronger feelings for his angel friend. He had always thought the angel was good looking. He pushed those thoughts away only letting them out to play when he was alone in his shower with his thoughts.

"I got you a burger, Dean." Castiel said. His voice was gruff and yet soft as he sat down the bag of food.

"Thank you, Cas." Dean said as he opened up his bag. He pulled out the food. He smiled. Castiel got his food exactly right. Castiel seemed to know the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. What was he thinking? This was Cas he was thinking about. His best friend, the ever clueless angel. He got him food like he offered it wasn't like he went out his way to do it. Dean watched Castiel give Sam his food and he sat down on the bed.

"Any new information?" Castiel asked

"Nope." Dean said with a mouthful of burger.

Sam gave him a sideways glare. "I messaged Rowena. Still, haven't heard from her." He took a bite from his salad. "We've looked through everything. We can't find anything that connects the victims other than they were young men."

"So we've yet to figure out why the witch is freezing people?" He asked with a head tilt. He picked up some of the research off the table and looked over it. From where Dean was sitting it looked like the autopsy report.

"No, not yet." Sam said

"Says here some of them where missing organs." He grimaced as he read that. "Why would they do that?"

"Because witches are gross." Dean offered as he took a big bite of his burger. It was a good burger.

The angel tilted his head. "But Rowena is a witch and I wouldn't call her gross." He stated as he looked over the report again.

Dean frowned. Jealously flashed through him, he couldn't believe Cas defended Rowena like that.

"Perhaps they are using the organs for a spell." Castiel offered

Dean finished his burger and tossed his wrapper into the bag. He watched Castiel as he looked over the report. His eyebrow was raised as he read over it. Dean licked his lips. God Cas was hot when he raised his eyebrow like that. He stared at him catching a glimpse of his dark blue eyes under those even darker lashes. Dean wanted nothing more to do than forget the case and push Cas on the bed and kiss those chapped lips. His mind wandered into the fantasy. He felt his body heat up. He got up from the bed. "I uh, am going to head out."

Sam jerked his head up. "What? You're going out? Dude, we are in the middle of a case."

"Sam, we aren't getting anywhere with this case okay? I need some air." Dean grabbed his jacket. "Just going to have a few drinks at that bar down there." And get his mind off of Castiel. "I'll be back."

Dean walked into the nearby bar. It was dark and badly lit. A good dive bar. He walked up to the bar and sat down.

A young female waitress came up to him. "What will you have, darling?"

"Whiskey." He said with a smile

She grinned at him. She laid down a glass and poured in the amber liquid. "Never seen you around here before, hansom."

He smirked as he sipped his drink. Yeah, flirting with a girl that will get his mind off of Castiel and his thick body and blue eyes… and he was getting his mind off of him. He looked into the girl's eyes. They were blue but not the right blue. "Just in town visiting."

She licked her lips as she looked down at him. "Visiting huh?" She poured him another drink after he finished his first one.

"Yeah visiting. I came in here to get my mind off of stuff." He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He patted his pocket. It could wait.

"Well, I get off work in ten minutes if you want to… visit some more."

Hell ya. He downed his drink. He was going to get some and that would show his mind and libido. He followed the girl to the back of the bar.

She looked back at him. "My apartment is upstairs." She took his hand and led them up a set of dark narrow stairs that were barely visible.

Dean grinned from ear to ear as she let him in. "Nice place." He said then he smelled the faint odder of blood. His blood ran cold as he looked back at the woman. She was locking the door with several deadbolts. Son of a bitch. She was the witch. He reached into his pocket hoping to send a message to Sam or Cas before she turned around.

She spun on her heels and said something in Latin.

His phone flew out of his hand and hit the wall with a loud thud. He was pretty sure it was broken now. "Well, I'm going to assume you've been the one freezing people."

She laughed. "You would be right." She uttered more Latin which caused Dean to fly against the walls.

He was pinned as his arms above his head unusable. "Shit!" He shouted

"This will be painless." She picked up a small jar off the counter. "As long as you don't fight it."

He watched her mix the chemicals. He cursed himself. Why didn't he just stay and do research? Now here he was about to get done in by a witch. He sighed all of the regrets filled his mind but first and foremost he regretted not telling Cas how he felt before this. He'd give anything to be able to look into those blue eyes one more time and tell him how much he loved him. He flinched as she poured the liquid over him as she spoke in Latin. He felt his arms break out in goosebumps. "What did you-" That thought was cut off when the door blew off the hinges. Castiel strolled through the door that hung on its hinges like a man on a mission. His hand held up, his eyes glowed blue, and his face was a mask of anger.

"Cas?" Dean asked his voice soft barely above a whisper. His heart beat in his chest. Sure he felt like a damsel in distress at this moment but this scene was oh so hot.

He looked at him. "Dean?" He asked his gruff voice cutting through like a razor. "Are you hurt?"

He shook his head.

"Who the hell are you?" The witch hissed at Castiel.

"I am an angel of the Lord." He retorted as he tossed his angel blade at her. It hit her, dead center of her chest. She let out a scream as she hit the floor.

Dean's wrists were set free and he hit his knees when he was let loose. "Ouch." He mumbled. He felt someone touch his shoulders.

"Dean?" Castiel asked his voice soft as he looked over him.

"I'm okay. I think." He stood up and let Castiel get a good look at him. "How did you find me?" He asked. He felt a brief flash of cold. He frowned. The witch was dead so the magic shouldn't work right.

"I heard your longing." He stated as he rested his fingers on Dean's forehead and closed his eyes. "Oh no."

"Oh no what?" he asked.

Castiel pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number.

"Cas, Cas talk to me, buddy." He felt anxious what was wrong with him.

"Sam, I found Dean." He said into his phone. "He found the witch she… well, she's dead now but she dumped something on him. I think it was a freezing spell. It's not wearing off his temperature is dropping."

"I feel fine." He said to Cas when suddenly he started to shiver. It was like someone was cranking the A.C. "Is it cold in here or is it just me?"

The angel looked at him his blue eyes wide and wild. "Okay, Sam." Castiel stripped his coat off and handed it to Dean. "Put this on."

Dean frowned at the coat and took it. He slowly put it on feeling a little warmer now.

"I understand." He hung up his phone and looked at Dean.

"Wh-what did he say?" He asked. He started to shiver. He wrapped the coat tighter around him. Man did this coat smell good.

"Rowena told Sam that this spell wears off. But we have to keep you warm. Once you hit a certain temperature it will fade quicker."

"C-cool." He said his teeth chattering

Castiel looked at him his eyes filled with worry. "I need to get you warm." He took off his suit jacket and handed it to Dean. "Put this on too. I will look and see if this woman had any hot tea or cocoa in her place."

Dean took the jacket and looked down at the dead witch and frowned. "Can't we go elsewhere? What if someone decides to come up here?" He took off the tan coat and slipped on the suit jacket then put it back on. Now he felt like he was surrounded by Cas.

"No, Dean," He said. He looked at him with a wide-eyed look. "It's cold tonight. If we go out there that will just lower your body temperature and cause you to freeze." He walked up to the heater and turned it up. He pulled his blade out of the witch. He looked at the body and frowned. "I'll get rid of the body." He lifted her up with ease and went out on the fire escape.

Dean watched him but couldn't stop shivering. Even with three jackets on and the heat, he was freezing. He walked up to the heater and knelt in front of it. "Heat oh man I love you heat."

Castiel came back in and looked down at him. "Stay near it. I'll make tea." He headed into the kitchen.

He heard the water run do doubt Cas was washing his hands and filling up the tea kettle. He felt ridiculous in three jackets and he could barely move.

The angel walked back in with a large steaming mug. "I found cocoa." He offered it to Dean

He took it gratefully. "T-thanks." He held the warm mug close. He took little sips from it. "I really appreciate t-this."

Castiel sighed. "Of course, Dean I will always protect and help you." He sat beside him. He looked strange in just his shirt and tie. Dean had seen him in other clothing but not very often.

They sat in silence as Dean drained his mug of cocoa. "I'm still cold." He said and sat down the mug. He was still shivering.

The angel got up and got Dean a blanket and brought it to him. "Here." He wrapped the blanket around him. He rubbed Dean's arms trying to warm him up.

Dean stared into Castiel's eyes. He studied his lips. He realized there might be his last chance to tell Cas how he feels. He could very well freeze to death and he did say he would do anything to get a second chance. "Cas." He started

"Yes, Dean?" He asked as he rubbed Dean's arms with more force. He stopped and wrapped his arms around Dean. "Body heat will help." He justified as he pulled Dean closer to him.

"Cas, buddy," Buddy? What's with him calling him that? "I got to tell you something… in case I don't m-make it."

"Shhh, don't talk like that, Dean. You will be okay."

"No, let me talk, Cas." He reached up and cupped Castiel's face. The angel looked at him his face in a mask of confusion. "Cas, the reason I left was…" He sighed and started again. "I have…" He shook his head. "I…" He looked at Castiel's lips then flicked them back up to the man's eyes. "I'm better with action."

"Huh?" The angel asked but Dean didn't answer with words. No, Dean answered with a kiss.

The hunter pressed his lips to the angel's. The angel let out a sound of confusion as Dean kissed him. Dean started to wonder if this was a bad idea. What if Cas didn't feel the same? Those feelings of doubt increased as Castiel didn't kiss him back. He started to pull away when the angel wrapped his hand around the back of Dean's head and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Dean let out a startled gasp and soon gave in. The two swapped kisses. The room was filled with the sound of their smooching and an occasional moan from one or the other.

Dean finally pushed the angel back. "I need to breathe." He said as he panted. He had never kissed anyone for that long.

"Are you…" Castiel looked at him as if he was searching for his words.

He felt himself blush. "Am I what?"

"Warm? Did that warm you up?"

He studied the situation. The goosebumps were gone, he wasn't shivering, he was hot, hell, and he was hot and bothered. "Umm, yeah I seem to be good." He started to pile off the layers of clothes.

"Wait." The angel said as he placed his two fingers on Dean. "Yes, your body temperature seems to be up… actually it's way higher than before. Are you running a fever?"

Dean chuckled. "No," He took off the blanket, then the trench coat, then lastly the suite. The two got up from the floor.

"I don't understand then how did you get so warm so fast." He looked at him then blinked. "Oh, oh." Dean noticed his face become red.

He laughed again. "Yeah, uh, I really liked that kissing thing."

"T-the uh, kiss yes, the kiss." Castiel put his jacket and coat back on. "I enjoyed it as well."

"Making out with a hot angel is nice." Dean said without thought.

"You think I'm hot?" He asked his gruff voice coming out in a squeak

Dean smiled. Hard to believe the same man strolled in the apartment killed a witch then saved Dean gets all flustered over this. Dean took his hand. "Yeah, I…"

Castiel smiled then looked away. He sighed. "I was so worried when you left. Then I kept sensing your longing and I… it was overwhelming. I had to come here then I realized you were in danger. How long were you here before I got here?"

"Maybe five minutes."

"I felt the longing longer than that." He looked at him and bored into his eyes with his deep blue ones. "Dean, why did you leave? You started to tell me but,"

He sighed. "I've been," He rubbed the back of his neck. "Having all these feelings for you, I couldn't stop like today I just wanted to… kiss you and be with you. I couldn't stop so I thought if I get drunk I'd get my mind off of it or met someone and you know…"

He looked at him. A flash of pain went across his face. "You came here just to get 'laid' because you couldn't stop thinking about me?"

"I know I'm sorry I just." He sighed

"Are you… are you ashamed of your feelings for me? I know you don't like angels,"

He cut him off. "No, it has nothing to do with you being an angel. Or even the fact that you're a man I mean…" He felt his cheeks redden. "You're not the first guy I've liked."

"Then what was it?"

"I was scared. Scared that if this… if we become real then… it could be taken away." He sighed. "I've lost so much, Cas. I don't think I could handle losing you. It was hard enough when… before… people that come into our lives they die all of them in some terrible fashion. I don't want that to happen to you."

"I've died before and I've come back."

"I know but… what if you don't come back?"

"Dean," He looked at the floor then looked back to him. "So you were going to deny your feelings for me just because I might die." He took his hand and squeezed it. "I don't plan on leaving you, Dean. No matter what." He kissed his hand. "I will do what it takes to stay by your side. I will escape the Empty again and again just to be with you."

"Cas, I… I love you."

"I love you too, Dean."

They shared another kiss. This one was more chaste and sweet than the one they had earlier.

"Let's go I'm sure Sam is worried." Dean said

They walked down the fire escape to avoid going through the bar. They headed to Dean's car and got in.

"I have a question." Castiel said as he got in the vehicle

"What is it?"

He looked at him squinting as he did when he was confused. "Are we in a relationship?"

He laughed. "Do you want to be in one?"

"Yes, please."

"Then," He took his hand and kissed it. "We are boyfriends."

"Good." He smiled brightly. "And I kept you from freezing to death."

He laughed. "Yeah thanks for saving me."

"Of course. Anything for you, Dean."

He smiled as he eased the Impala out of the parking lot. He felt happy and cheerful. This was going to be the start of a beautiful and wonderful relationship.


	24. Chapter 24

Fix It

Guilt that is what Dean Winchester felt as he sat in his car outside of the Gas'n'Sip that Cas worked at. He sighed heavily as he looked into the building. His best friend was in there now a human. He hated that he had left him alone to fend for himself. All because Ezekiel said he needed to go.

Dean rubbed his face with his hand. What was he to do? If Cas stayed then Zeke would leave Sam then Sam would die. But here was Cas alone with no one. His heart ached. He looked into the convenience store again. His body moved on its own as he opened the door and stepped out of the car. He headed up to the store and laid his hand on the handle. He could turn around and leave. He stared into the building. His heart nagged him. Told him something was wrong.

Dean the night before dropped Castiel off at that woman's house. He remembered how disappointed Cas looked when he told him she just wanted a babysitter. Dean stuck around with him until she came home. Dean asked him over and over where he lived and offered to take him home. But Castiel told him to take him to the store as his shift was about to start.

He sighed. There was something wrong about this. He suggested to Cas to go home and at least get fresh clothes and he smiled and said he was fine. What was Cas hiding? He pushed the door open. "Cas." He called out into the empty store.

Silence met him in return. He walked through the store. "Cas!" He headed to the back of the store to look for Cas. He opened the door to the stock room and spotted a sleeping bag laying there along with some clothes. His heart sunk. "Cas." He said quietly. He walked to the bathroom labeled employee. He gave a knock on the door.

The door slowly opened. Castiel stood behind the door and used it to cover his body. He looked at Dean his eyes red and puffy. "Hello, Dean." He said softly

"Cas," He licked his lips and tried to not think about the fact that Castiel was naked and talking to him through the door. "Are you?" He started then he spotted a washcloth in the sink and tube of toothpaste. Realization hit him. "Are you living here?"

The former angel let out a heavy sigh. "Dean, I,"

"Answer the question." He said far more hatefully than what he meant to say.

"Let me get dressed." Castiel's voice sounded defeated. He closed the door and Dean could hear the rustling around on the other side of the door. The door opened back up and Castiel stood there with a hoodie on and the work vest over it. He looked like hell. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair was disheveled, and his facial hair was longer than usual.

"Are you living here?" Dean asked again

Castiel walked past him. "I have to work." He said softly. He walked up to the coffee machine. He pulled out a coffee filter and put it in and poured in coffee. "Mr. Smith comes in every morning for his cup of coffee." He said flatly

"Cas," Dean sighed. He studied the man before him. His posture was stiff. Dean could tell he was putting on a brave face. Cas was clearly upset. "So… living at a Gas'N'Sip… that's uh, kind of crappy."

"Yeah." He looked up at him and narrowed his blue eyes. His jaw set and tense. "I mean it's not like I have anywhere else to go. Some people made that very clear." He turned on the coffee pot and walked up to the slushy machine.

"Cas, I… damn it I'm sorry okay?"

He chewed on his lip. "You're not sorry." He spat as he unhooked the nobs of the machine

"I am. I… I only…" He sighed. "Sammy, he…" Castiel glared at him. It was a glare so hurtful Dean felt it in his soul. Anger boiled. He stopped it. Why get mad at Cas? He didn't know what was up. "Sam, he…" He looked at the floor and focused on the tiles. "He's still sick, man. There's… I tricked him to let an angel in him."

"I thought you said Ezekiel healed him?"

"He is actively healing him." He nudged the ground and looked up at Castiel. "That's why… Zeke said he would leave if you stayed so…"

Castiel looked at him. "Dean, I…"

"I am a bad friend." Dean walked a little closer to Castiel. He reached out and laid his hand on his shoulder. "I wanted to come back and check on you… you seemed off since yesterday. I wasn't expecting you to be living here though."

He looked at his hand. "I don't have money. This place pays minimum wage. I don't have the proper documents to get a low-income home." He sighed. "I looked into it."

"You want me to help? Me and Sammy we can forge some documents for you."

"No." He sighed. "I don't want to innocence you anymore." He pulled the slushy machine apart and all the green goopy stuff rained down on Castiel and the floor. This was the last straw for Castiel. The former angel let out an angry yell. "Shit!" He screamed. He tossed the piece of the equipment across the room. He ran his hands over his face smearing the goop in his hair.

"Cas," Dean started. He slowly reached back out to his friend. He had never seen him this type of angry before.

He huffed and sighed. "I am sorry. I lost my temper." He looked at him his blue eyes full of sorrow. "Everything seems to keep going wrong."

Dean slowly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him in for a hug.

"I don't have a home, I barely have a job, I can't get a date, and I can't even do this job right. I'm a failure of a human."

"You're not a failure." Dean reassured him.

Castiel pushed away from him and walked over to the fallen equipment and picked it up. "I don't know how to be a good human." He set the slushy part on the counter. "People who come in here… I hear them say I'm weird. When I tried to get an apartment they thought I was on drugs." He wiped his hand clean with his shirt. "I had hope… last night. I hoped that I and she would…"

"Get together?" Dean offered. He looked at the pile of slushy slowly melting on the floor. He couldn't imagine what Castiel was going through. And here he was not helping him. Tossing him out like trash and leaving him to fend for himself. He could have helped Cas. He could have found another hunter to look after him. He could have sent him to live with Jody or Garth or one of Bobby's many hunters' cabins. He gave him no resources. He could have advised him and the only thing he helped him with was trying to get him laid and that didn't even work out.

"Yes, I suppose. I would like to have a companion." He grabbed a mop and bucket and started to clean the mess. "It's a new thing for me… getting lonely that is. I spend a lot of time… wishing and wanting what I can't have."

Dean looked at him. He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

He shook his head his black hair falling around his face. "Don't worry about it." He pushed the mop and bucket to the storage room and Dean followed him. Castiel looked over his shoulder back at him. His eyes were warm and loving and it was the second time that day that Dean had a revelation.

"Cas…" He sighed and shuffled his feet. "You, uh, got feelings for someone don't you?"

"No…" He looked down at the floor. "You should go."

He laid his hand on his shoulder. "I'm not leaving you, Cas. You are clearly suffering here."

"It's my life, Dean."

"You can't be serious? You want this to be your life? Sleeping on the floor, taking baths in the sink, pining after someone, this is not a life, Cas."

"It is my life!" He shouted. He pushed the mop bucket into a corner. "I don't see why you even care! You made it very clear that you didn't want me around!" He huffed. Tears threatened to spill down his face. "Did you even think about what would happen to me? You tossed me out with a hundred dollars! What was I supposed to do with that? I slept on park benches! I starved daily when I couldn't find a homeless shelter. I walked for days! I had no one to turn to and nowhere to go!" He glared at Dean his fists clenched. "You never checked on me! You only care now because you feel guilty! You didn't ask how I felt! You didn't even look for me or anything! You are selfish!" He huffed the tears spilled down his face. "I can't believe I ever fell for you." He whispered as he pushed past Dean.

"Cas," He followed him as Castiel got behind the counter and opened the register

"Go away! I have a job to do!"

"You are not getting rid of me that easy." He glared at Castiel as he started to get the register ready. "Look at me!" He reached up and grabbed his shirt front and pulled him closer

"Let go!" He yelled

"What do you mean you fell for me?" He asked his voice oddly steady.

He looked up at him his blue eyes full of tears. "What do you think it means?" He huffed.

"I don't know, Cas. That's why I am asking you." He let go of Castiel's shirt. There was no point in upsetting the man more. He was upset enough already.

He rubbed his eyes with his shirt sleeve and sniffed. "I was an idiot that's what it means." He sniffed again and started talking. "I thought… when I first became human," He sighed. "It opened up all these feelings. Things I had never felt before as an angel. I didn't understand them. Not really at first." He glanced over at the items on the counter to make sure everything was ready for when the crowd came in. "I wanted to see you again. My heart yearned for it. Dean, you were constantly on my mind I couldn't stop. When I… uh," He blushed a deep crimson that Dean didn't know was possible. "Had intercourse the first time, I only thought of you when I was with April. I thought maybe I was in love with you." He glared at him. He was hurt. "But how could I be? You rejected me. You left me all alone when I only wanted to be with you."

"Cas," Dean said softly. He reached out to him. The former angel flinched away. "I'm not going to hurt you." He said his voice level and gentle as possible. He stroked the side of Castiel's stubbed face with the back of his hand. "I am sorry. I didn't, I didn't think about what might have happened. I don't know why… I wanted to protect Sam. I have to he is… my family."

"Then what am I nothing?" He slapped Dean's hand away. "Just some guy for you hang around? Just some man you keep around until you decide what you actually feel? You don't get to do that to me, Dean! You don't get to walk in here like some knight and come save me from my life! I am not stupid like you seem to think. I have made mistakes in my life but I know you are only doing this out of guilt." He waved him off. "Go away."

Dean felt his heart shatter. There was nothing he could do. He couldn't go back in time and change what he had done. "Cas," he started. He was angry at himself and in pain that he was about to lose his friend and possibly his love. "I am sorry. I don't say it often but I mean it. Please, Cas," He reached out and laid his hand on his shoulder. "I…" He licked his lips. "Dammit, I love you. It hurt me to do what I did. I think about you every single night. I worry that you don't have food, or your freezing, or… even worse some angel has you and is going to kill you. I can't sleep half the time anymore. I'm so… scared for you and Sam. I almost lost him and then saving him cost me you. I'm an ass. I know that. And you can hate me all you want, hell, I wouldn't blame you if you did, but I want you to know I will fight for you. I care. I want you back in our lives. I want you home. I want you with me. I want you, Cas. Because I love you." He turned away to leave. He knew Castiel was angry he wasn't going to follow him.

Dean marched out to his car and fished his keys out of his pocket. His hands shook as he tried to get his key in the keyhole. He felt the sting of tears threatening to pour out. Dammit! He was not going to cry especially out here in public. He got the key in and turned it and opened the door. He got in and put it in the ignition and started the car.

"Dean!"

He jerked his head up to see Castiel run out of the store and over to the driver's side of the car. He hesitated as he rolled down the window. He figured Castiel came out here to tell him off and he didn't blame him one bit. "Yeah?" He asked as he turned to the window.

"Dean, I…" Tears swam in the other man's eyes. "You're crying." He said to Dean

Dean reached up and touched the wet spot on his face. "Oh, seems like I am." He said. He forced a laugh. "No big deal just processing the fact I won't see you again."

The former angel shook his head. "No…" He clenched his fists. "I want to come with you." He sighed. "I am a fool but I would rather be with you then live on the bathroom floor."

"Are you sure, Cas?"

"I am sure."

"Get in then."

Castiel walked around the passenger side and got in. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"I don't blame you I would have yelled at me too." Dean said. He looked at the store. "Don't you want your stuff?"

"I guess I should. I spent good money on that toothbrush." He ran back in then came back out with a duffle bag on his shoulder. He locked the storefront and dropped the key down on the ground and got in.

"Did you tell them you quit?" He asked as he started the car.

"No," Castiel said. He tossed his bag in the backseat. "I'm sure they will get the message though. It's probably for the best anyway it would be strange to still be there after being… 'led on' like that. Did I use that right?"

"Yes," He nodded. "Would have been awkward and everything."

He nodded. "I agree."

A silence fell between them. Dean looked over at the other man who was staring out the window. Dean wondered if he had any regrets. He didn't ask instead he said. "You and I… we are going to be okay." He informed him

Castiel looked over at him. "I suppose." He smiled weakly. "Eventually." He turned his head back to the window. "You are lucky I am a forgiving person."

"I know." Dean said. He slowly reached out and took Castiel's hand as they drove. He felt Castiel rub his knuckles. It was a nice and warm feeling. "We are both lucky." Dean knew it would take time, work and, communication but, he knew that this would work out between them. At least now he could sleep soundly and know that Castiel was just a few bedrooms away from him and not out on the street doing Lord knows what to make it. He looked over at Castiel hell, maybe he would get lucky a few times and Castiel would be in bed with him. Dean knew they were a long way away from that though but, he knew there was a chance they would get to that point as long as they worked at it.

He


	25. Chapter 25

Baby You Can Wash My Car

Castiel wandered through the halls of the bunker. They were in-between cases again and were occupying their time doing mundane human things. There was a lot of television watched, many movie marathons, countless walks or runs, and cleaning of their home. Their to-do list had essentially been completed. Now Castiel was taking a walk around the hallow halls looking for something to do. Maybe he would find a book to read or to ask the boys about a new show to watch. He walked past Sam's room. The youngest Winchester had the door open. "Hello, Sam." He greeted

"Hi, Cas." Sam said. He glanced up at him as he laced up his boots.

"Are you going somewhere?" He asked

Sam nodded. "Yeah, uh, I and Jack are going to go to the movies."

He smiled faintly. "That is nice. I am glad to know you two are bonding."

Sam got off his bed and picked up his jacket. "Yes, it is." He eased passed the angel and closed the door behind him. "So yeah you and Dean will be _alone_ for a bit"

He frowned. Why did Sam put so much emphasis on the word alone? He tilted his head. "Sam, why did you emphasize the word alone?"

"Uh, no uh, reason, Cas." He patted his shoulder and chuckled nervously. "Dean is in the garage by the way. I'll see you later." He said and walked down the hall

Castiel felt confused. He had been alone with Dean before so what was the big deal? He shrugged and headed to the garage so see what Dean was up to. The angel wondered, however, about Sam's tone. Was the youngest Winchester implying something? Castiel had often heard people make jokes and comments about his and Dean's relationship. The angel did not find it to be strange. He loved Dean with every fiber of his being. He was comfortable with it. He never pushed the issue or pursued it, however. He feared rejection from Dean. He feared that perhaps he read too much into Dean's little actions that maybe Dean just seen him as a brother and as a friend and not… a lover. He let out a sigh. He would wait forever if that's what it took for Dean to come around. He was prepared to never have his romantic feelings returned as long as he got to be with Dean.

He walked into the garage he could smell water from the water hose and soap. He heard ACDC playing faintly in the background. "Dean?" He called out. "Sam said that you were here."

Dean walked out from behind the Impala. "Oh, hey, Cas." He smirked. He was wearing shorts and a tight white t-shirt that was wet in all the right places

He felt his cheeks heat up as he caught himself gazing at Dean's nipples poking through the shirt. "Hello." He stammered as he walked closer to the human. "What are you doing?" He asked. He wasn't sure why it was pretty obvious.

"I'm washing my car." He said. He wrung out the sponge he had in his hand and got himself even wet

He was starting to wonder if Dean was teasing him. "Yes… I uh, see that."

"Want to help? Then maybe we can get your truck washed and then go and watch a movie or something." He offered out a sponge

Castiel took it. "Sure."

Dean frowned at his clothes. "Might want to lose the coat though."

He tossed the sponge in a bucket. He took off his coat, then his jacket. He loosened his tie and rolled up his shirt sleeves. He looked at Dean who was watching him. His bottom lip was sucked into his mouth. Castiel tilted his head and stared at his friend in return. Was this arousing for Dean? Humans were a bit strange when it came to arousal. He had yet to figure it out. "Dean?" He asked and snapped the man out of his trance

"Yeah, uh, let's do this." He picked up his sponge and started to clean the car

Castiel picked up his and started on the opposite side. He scrubbed gingerly. He wanted the car to be clean but he didn't want to risk damaging the car by accident. He soaped up the sides and the windows. He leaned into the car to do the roof. He felt the soap soak into his clothes. He frowned. He could use his powers and dry his shirt however; this proved a good time to gage Dean's reaction. He looked down at his chest. His shirt was wet and clinging to his chest. Perfect. Now he could see how Dean would react. He walked around to Dean's side. "Dean, I am finished."

Dean looked up at him as he was finishing up. His eyes fell immediately to his wet chest. The sponge fell out of his hand. "Uh, ye-yeah?" He asked. His eyes never left Castiel's chest.

He smiled. He was right Dean was feeling something doing this. He thought about the movies he had seen. He remembered seeing one once about car wash… he ran his hands across his chest like the girls in the movie did and winked at Dean.

He frowned. "The hell are you doing, man?" He asked. He blinked the spell was ruined.

"I was… I was…" He looked at his hands splayed across his own chest and wished it was Dean's hands instead. The wind was taken out of his sails. He didn't know what to do now. He stared at Dean and Dean stared in return. There was electricity in the air a tension that was always around when they did this. He felt his frustration build under Dean's intense gaze. What the hell? What was with Dean? First, he was flirting with him now he was looking at him like he insulted his mother. A growl slipped out. He didn't mean to. He tossed the sponge into the bucket. "I thought that… we were…"

Dean blinked and looked away. Castiel was pretty sure he saw him blush slightly. He shook his head. "Oh… I think… I get it now." He licked his lips. He picked up his sponge and tossed it in the bucket with his. He picked up the hose. He looked at him. The air was charged again but this time Dean looked at him with a look of want and desire. "I think we need to rinse off the soap." He said. His voice was thick and rough. It struck a chord with Castiel he had never heard him speak like that before. Dean turned on the hose and started to rinse off the car. He looked at the angel his green eyes dark.

Castiel's breath caught in his throat which surprised him since he really didn't need to breathe. He watched the suds drip off the car. Then suddenly, Dean turned the hose on him. He let out a yelp as the cold water hit his chest and soaked his shirt. "Dean!" He screamed

Dean laughed. It was a mixture of joy and seduction. "You were soapy too, Cas." He said. His voice dipped again in that sexy tone that Castiel didn't know he was capable of.

Castiel looked at him and rung out his shirt. He studied Dean as Dean studied his exposed stomach. That's when it hit Castiel. Dean was flirting with him. He looked at the bucket. "Well, it seems that since I'm clean someone else should be too." He grabbed the bucket of soapy water and tossed it on Dean.

He let out a scream that was very far from manly. "Ah! Cold! That's so cold!" He shouted. He shook his head and bubbles flew off and landed everywhere. "That's dirty."

"No that's clean." He stepped forward and grinned. "Maybe… someone should… get those suds off?" He asked. He held his hand out for the hose and smiled at Dean

"I think you want to see me wet." Dean said as he laid the hose in his hands.

He chuckled. "Maybe." He sprayed the soap off of Dean who stood there frowning. He sat down the hose once he was done. They were both equally wet and soaked.

Dean started to laugh. "Oh man. That was fun." He ran his hands through his hair and tried to smooth it back

Castiel smiled he tried to fix his own hair. "Dean," He started

"Yeah?"

"Ummm, are we… are we flirting?"

Dean laughed. "I was. I don't know if you were but I was." He looked into Castiel's eyes. "Listen, Cas, I… I'm terrible at words and all but…" He sighed and sat on the hood of the car. "I wanted… listen you and I have been doing this for a while and I wanted to get my feelings out there. I was…" He shook his head and let out an annoyed sound

Castiel sighed. "That's why Sam was acting like that." He said realization hit him. "You set this up and asked Sam to leave so we could talk."

He nodded. "Yeah… well, I wussed out when you got here. I was scared that… you… so I thought 'hey let's see if I can get a rise out of him'."

"So that's why you were all wet? You were seeing how I would react."

"Yeah well, I guess it worked?" He worded it like a question

He walked forward and took Dean's hand. "Dean, you could have just told me. I have had feelings for you for a while. I never acted because I thought that… maybe you didn't feel the same." He looked down at his shirt. "I guess I did the same thing… I thought I would see if you would… get a 'rise'."

"That sounded really dirty the way you said it." He rubbed his thumb along his hand and smiled

"Dean, I love you. I have for a very long time."

He sighed and shook his head. Castiel could see him blush. "I… I love you too, Cas."

He let his body move on its own. He reached up and cupped Dean's face and leaned in. He placed his lips on his. The garage was filled with the sounds of the music and them kissing. An occasional moan would escape one or the other's lips along with a mumble of one of their names. They pulled each other close wet chest to wet chest. The kiss deepened even further until Dean pulled away.

"Air I need air." He gasped.

Castiel looked at him his head tilted. "You look good in shorts by the way."

Dean laughed. "You like them?" He asked as he flexed his calf muscle

He nodded. "I like everything about you."

He looked at him and winked. "How about we take this party elsewhere? Get out of these wet clothes before we chafe."

"I thought we were going to wash my truck."

Dean looked at Castiel's truck which was fairly dirty. He looked back at Cas. "Good thing I love you." He winked. "Come on let's get this done so we can have some fun before Sam and Jack get back." He offered his hand and Castiel took it.

They walked holding hands over to Castiel's truck. Castiel kissed Dean on the cheek. "Let's get this truck washed." He whispered in his ear

"Ooh Cas, I love it when you talk about cleaning cars." He winked and pulled Castiel in for a long and deep kiss. "Alright, let's get this truck clean." Dean said after he broke the kiss

He nodded. "Let's." The two of them got to work. Castiel sighed as he watched Dean work. He felt his heart flutter. They finally confessed. The world didn't end and Dean didn't punch him in the face. The two of them worked together and got the truck done fairly fast. Yes, they were a good team and they would make a good couple. They took each-others hands and headed out of the garage. They had a lot of lost time to make up for.


	26. Chapter 26

Is it okay?

Sam stared at his laptop. He was on the hunt for well, a hunt. They hadn't been on one in a while and Sam knew that sooner or later Dean was going to start getting anxious about being in the Bunker for so long. He read over the reports looking for something, anything. Soon, he found what sounded like a vamp nest. He scooped up his laptop and went on the hunt for Dean. Last he saw him, Dean had said he was going to watch a movie with Cas in his room. Sam started down the hallway where their rooms were and stopped in front of Dean's room. He raised his hand to knock but stopped. Castiel and Dean were well in a relationship of some sort. Sam more than a couple of times worried about walking in on the couple. He licked his lips. Truly it was a problem. He didn't care that they were together but he did care about their privacy… and not wanting to walk in and see one of them naked.

He listened by the door and only heard the sounds of the movie coming through. At least there wasn't any moaning or groaning. He knocked on the door. "Dean." He said.

"Come in, Sam." Dean said

He still hesitated as he opened the door. Dean was laying in the bed his arm behind his head and the other around Castiel's shoulders. The angel was snuggled into Dean's chest and had his arm around his torso. Sam stared at the sight. It was pretty adorable if he was being honest. He looked at their peaceful little moment and suddenly felt like an invader. "Sorry I uh," He started. He looked back at the door and thought about making a retreat.

"It's fine, Sam. What did you want to talk about?" Castiel asked. His deep voice muffled by Dean's shirt

Sam looked at Dean who shrugged. "It's fine, man. Not like we are naked. I would have told you if we were." He chuckled

Castiel raised his head from Dean's chest and shot him a dirty look. "I am sure Sam would not want to know that."

Sam cleared his throat. "Well, I found a case." He handed Dean the laptop

"Move, babe," Dean said softly to Castiel as he took the laptop.

The angel sat up and was beside Dean and looked at the news report with him. "Looks like a vamp nest." Dean handed him the laptop back

"That's what I was thinking." Sam said. "We should start packing."

Dean let out a sigh. "Man and here I was hoping to cuddle Cas longer." He pulled Castiel in and kissed him.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, we should start getting ready." He left Dean's room. He really didn't mind Dean being with Cas but he really could do without the PDA it just reminded him of how he was alone. He headed to his room and started to pack his bag and only hoped Dean was getting his packed as well. There was a knock at his door. "Come in." He said

The door opened slowly. He looked to see Castiel walk in. The angel looked nervous. He fiddled with the sleeve of his coat. "I uh, got Dean to start packing. It won't take me long to get ready… I don't have anything to pack."

"Okay good." Sam said. He folded up a shirt and stuffed it in his bag. He realized Castiel was still standing there. "You okay, Cas?"

"I just…" Castiel sighed and looked around. The angel looked nervous. "Sam is… are…" He sighed again. "Sorry I am not good with words. Does it bother you that I and Dean are… together?"

He almost dropped the stuff in his hand. "What?"

"Does it bother you? I don't want there to be a strain on our relationship because of it." He rubbed his arm. "You are a brother to me and I don't… I don't want us not to be close anymore because I and Dean make you uncomfortable."

It hit Sam like a ton of bricks. He stared at Castiel his mouth going dry. "You think… you really think that it bothers me?"

The angel nodded slowly. "You have been acting differently since me and Dean got together so I just assumed that it bothered you."

"No, it… it doesn't bother me." He laid his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Cas, listen to me, I am happy for you and Dean."

"Really?" He asked scrunching his face up in confusion.

"Yeah, Cas, I… I'm happy that you and Dean are happy." He chuckled. "I just worry that I'll walk in on you guys or something."

"Walk in?" He asked with his head tilted to one side

"You know, uh, walk in on you two you know… having relations."

"Oh." Castiel said with a nod his face grew red.

He sighed. "If I'm being honest I am a little jealous of what you two have."

He smiled softly and patted Sam on the shoulder. "Do not worry, Sam, you will find a girlfriend."

Sam laughed. "I hope so, Cas."

"Well, I am going to make sure Dean is actually getting ready." Castiel nodded as he headed to the door. He paused by the door. "Sam, you have any issues with us please feel free to tell me. I don't want to make you uncomfortable in your own… house."

"Okay, Cas." He smiled as Castiel left the room. He finished packing his bag and headed tot eh garage.

Dean and Castiel were already there. Dean looked up at him and nodded. "Ready to go, Sammy?"

Sam nodded. "Yup. All ready." He put his bag in the trunk. He looked over his shoulder to see Dean and Castiel holding hands. He smiled fondly at them. "Hey, Dean," He started

Dean started to slip his hand away from Castiel. "Yeah?"

"I want you to know that I'm glad you two are happy together."

Dean blushed and held Castiel's hand tighter. "T-thanks, Sam."

"Don't worry about me okay. I don't mind you two… as long as you guys don't get busy out in public."

"No promises." Dean said with a wink and Castiel hit him on the shoulder.

Sam laughed as they got in the car. Castiel let him sit up front though stating that Sam had longer legs than him. He smiled as he watched the two of them glance at each other in the mirror. He still felt a small flash of jealousy but they were cute together plus Dean was the happiest he had ever seen him. Sam was okay with it… he just hoped he never walked in on the two of them and he hoped they never decided to get freaky in the library.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** This story is pretty short. I wrote it in celebration for Castiel's 11th year on supernatural (Though I didn't get into the show until last year)

Anniversary

Castiel could feel the weight of Dean lying beside him. Dean's head rested on his shoulder as he slept soundly. He traced designs on the back of Dean's back as he watched him sleep. He smiled. Dean always looked so peaceful as he slept. His heart filled with love. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have Dean. He felt the human begin to stir under his arm.

Dean let out a soft groan as his beautiful green eyes opened up. "Morning, Cas." He mumbled into his shoulder.

"Morning, my love." He placed a soft kiss on top of his head.

He smiled. "What time is it?" He mumbled. "And please just tell me the time don't add nothing to it."

"It is seven AM."

He raised his head off of Castiel's shoulder. "Oh good." He yawned. "Glad I got six hours of sleep." He kissed the angel on the cheek

"Humans need seven hours of sleep. At least that's what I read." He kissed him back

"Not this one." He patted his chest and smiled. "Come on. Let's get up before Sammy does." He climbed out of bed

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. "Why? We can just stay in bed and spend some more time together."

He smiled again. "As much as I would like that," He leaned over and kissed him on the lips firmly

He treaded his fingers through his hair. "So why don't we?"

"Just come on, Cas. We can pick this up later." He took his hand and pulled the angel out of the bed

Castiel let out a sigh. It had taken him some time to allow himself to be happy with Dean. He loved the human a lot and Dean loved him in return. It just took them some time to get to that point in their lives.

"Put on your trench coat." Dean said

He frowned. "Really? I thought you wanted me to 'relax in my own home'?"

"You'll need it where we are going." He handed Castiel his coat

The angel put it on. "Coat on."

Dean took his hand. "Okay let's go."

The angel followed him down the hall. "Where are we going, Dean?"

"You'll see, honey." He said as he looked over his shoulder with a smile. He walked them to the front down and paused. "Close your eyes."

"Dean,"

"Close them, Cas." He rubbed his arm. "Trust me, baby."

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I feel silly." He sensed Dean wave his hands over his face. "I assure you they are closed."

"No peeking, Cas." He said poking his nose. "Or else I'll tie your tie over your eyes."

He rolled his eyes even though Dean couldn't see them. "You would like that wouldn't you, Dean?"

Dean snickered. "Don't tempt me, Cas."

Castiel heard the door open. The air hit his face and he could smell the crisp fall air. Dean took his hand and he started to follow him. He could hear the leave crunch beneath his feet. "Dean?"

"Almost there, Cas."

He could sense them walk around the side of the bunker. The side of the bunker was mostly old grown-up weeds and bushes. He wanted to clean it up and start a garden in it but he never got around to it. He smelt a brief scent of a flower. Wait… no way. "Dean, did you?" He didn't finish the question.

Dean leaned in against his ear. "Okay, baby, open your beautiful blue eyes."

He opened his eyes to see a garden in front of him. He gasped. "Oh, Dean." He covered his mouth out of shock. The garden had mums, purple fountain grass, and celosia. There was also a bird feeder in the middle. It was small but it laid down the groundwork for a future garden. "I love it, Dean." He pulled the hunter into a hug and kissed him firmly on the lips. "And I love you."

Dean laughed and returned the kiss. "Happy anniversary, sweetie."

He blinked. "Anniversary? It's not our anniversary. Not yet anyway."

He nodded. "Do you know what today is?"

"September 18th."

"Yup, and do you know what happened on this day eleven years ago?"

He smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. "I think so but remind me."

He grinned. "Well, some handsome man walked into a barn, like he owned the place." He kissed him again. "Legend has it that sparks literally flew that day."

"I believe the legends might be right." Castiel said

"As do I." He took his hand and squeezed. "Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for you walking into that barn… or for pulling me out of Hell for that matter." He looked at Castiel's hands as if studying them. "Sure we've had our ups and downs but I know in the end we have each other."

He nodded. "I am glad that I meet you as well." He looked at the garden. "When did you have time to do this?"

"I snuck out a few times while you were watching TV or taking a catnap or whenever you weren't paying attention." He looked at his handiwork and smiled. "I worked on it for a while. I'm so happy you love it."

He sighed. "I did not get you anything for our anniversary."

"You can make it up to me sometime." Dean teased as he kissed him on the cheek

"I heard from Sam that there is a Led Zeppelin cover band performing later this month." He kissed him back. "Would that be something you would be interested in?"

He nodded. "Hell ya," He took his hand and laced his fingers through his. "Let's go and have breakfast. I'll make you some coffee."

"You spoil me. How about I make you breakfast?"

He shook his head. "Hell no, last time you did it was burnt into an unrecognizable mess."

He laughed. "It was pretty bad." They started to walk back towards the Bunker hand in hand, love in their eyes and their hearts.


	28. Chapter 28

Love

Castiel watched Dean as he yawned not very quietly on the edge of the motel bed. The brothers plus the angel had been on many hunts in the last few days and he could see the exhaustion etched on Sam and Dean's faces. It broke his heart. He sighed as Dean yawned again. "Dean," He started.

The hunter looked up at him his green eyes looked tired and worn down. "Yeah, Cas?" He asked

"It is important that you get rest." He nodded at the bed that Dean was sitting on.

He shook his head. "I don't need rest, Cas, I need to…" He paused and sighed. "Solve this case." He mumbled as he stared at his hands. He had a lot on his mind.

The angel shook his head. He laid his hand on his shoulder. "Just lay down and close your eyes for a bit. I'll work on research."

Dean glanced over at the bathroom. Sam was taking a shower at the moment. "I wanted a shower." He mumbled. He sighed and lay down. "Guess you are right. I need some rest."

Dean went right off to sleep. Castiel stood there and watched him from his position at the table with the open laptop watching Dean and not actually doing research.

Sam walked out of the bathroom. He glanced over at Dean and shook his head. "About time Dean went to sleep." He spoke with a hushed tone. He looked at Castiel. "Learn anything yet?"

Castiel looked at the computer then up at him. "Uh, no… not really." His gaze followed down to Dean again

He looked over at Dean and back at Castiel. "I see." He smirked as he joined him at the table.

He tilted his head. "I don't understand."

He nodded to Dean. "Distraction."

"He…" He licked his lips. "Sorry, Sam, I didn't mean to become distracted."

"It's fine, Cas. I understand." He took the laptop from him and started doing research.

He looked over at Dean again. He watched his chest rise and fall. Dean looked so peaceful. He noticed Dean shiver.

Sam sighed. "He laid down without a blanket again."

Castiel got up and took his coat off and draped it over Dean. He smiled. Seeing Dean like this warmed his heart. He looked at Sam.

Sam smiled. "You really care about him."

He blinked. "Huh? I mean…" He looked down at him. "I guess I do." He felt himself blush. He chewed on his lower lip. He had never really thought about it before that he really cared about Dean from the bottom of his heart. He stared at him and smiled again. His heart did a little flip in his chest when Dean curled up on his side and snuggled down into the coat. He could feel Sam watching him. He looked at him. "I am… uh; going to go and get you guys some food."

"You don't have to leave. I don't care if you ogle him."

Castiel could sense the awkwardness. "I'll just… go for a bit." He turned to the door and left. He needed some air or something. He got in his truck and headed out to some restaurant to get the boys some food. Dean would like that.

Dean took in a deep breath. A pleasant smell filled his nose. He clutched the fabric that was laid on top of him. He recognized it by touch. It was Castiel's coat. He breathed in again. Yes, you could smell Castiel's lovable scent on it. A smell that offered him comfort and peace. He pulled the coat closer to himself and let it swallow him whole. He wished that instead of the coat it was the angel himself but the coat was good enough. He laid there and considered getting up. His brief nap was nice but he did have work to do. He pulled the coat up to his nose and took in a deep breath. He let out a small moan. "Cas." He whispered to himself.

"Get a room."

He bolted upright and realized Sam was in the room. "Sammy?" He asked his voice rose in panic. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to hear and see you with Cas's coat."

He blushed. He laid the coat on the bed. "Where's Cas?" He asked as he got off the bed. He avoided the subject as if Sam would suddenly drop it now.

"Getting us dinner." He smirked at him. "So… how long have you been having feelings for Cas's coat?" He teased

"I don't!" he shouted. He glared at his brother. "I just… I was asleep."

"You have dreams about Cas?"

"Y-no." He felt his face heat up. Oh, he had dreams about Cas alright. Some innocent some so… filthy he was sure Sam's head would explode if he told him about them. He sat at the table. Sam was staring at him. Waiting, accessing the situation and watching to see what lines could be crossed and what should be avoided. He licked his lips his heart pounded in his chest. So this is how it was going to be? Was how he came out to his brother?

Sam closed the laptop gently. "Dean, I… I am not a kid anymore. I can see you two have feelings for each other."

Dean sighed. "I…" He ran his hands through his hair. "I think," He knew his face was burning. He shook his head. It was time to come clean he could no longer hide his feelings for the angel from his brother. "Sam, I… I think I'm in love with Cas."

He nodded. "And that's okay, Dean." He reached out and patted his arm. "You are allowed to love someone."

He chuckled. He felt warmth unfold from his chest. Sam accepted it. Sam wasn't upset by it he was okay about it. It was nice. "I'm glad you think so but… with our lives and… he's an angel he doesn't feel love."

"Bull." Sam said. "He gave you his coat because you looked cold. He was going to do research but spent the whole time staring at you. I bet he goes to the burger place you like just for you. He loves you, Dean."

"He can't… I'm just some lowly human and he's a freaking angel man."

"I wish you could see your self-worth." He whispered

The door opened up and Castiel walked in. He looked so different without his coat. He had bags in his hand and Dean recognized it as one of his favorite restaurants. "Hello, Dean. Did you have a good nap?" he asked as he handed them their bags.

"Yeah." Dean said quietly as he looked in the bag. His favorite burger plus fries. He looked up at Castiel to tease him about forgetting about pie when the angel laid a pie in front of him.

"I even remembered the pie." He said with a proud smile across his face

Dean stared at him like he hung the moon. Hell, the guy was old enough he probably did hang the moon. He looked at the pie and said. "Thanks, Cas." He felt the ever-growing feeling of love blossom in his chest. Castiel really knew a way to a man's heart. Or at least Dean's heart in this case.

Sam snickered.

"Can it, Sammy." Dean snipped. He unwrapped his burger. "At least he actually remembered the pie."

Castiel sat down at the table as Sam opened up his salad. He had a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Of course he did, Dean." He said in a suggestive tone. "Because when you really care about someone you do stuff for them that makes them happy."

Dean opened his mouth to argue but noticed Castiel almost choke on his coffee. "Whoa, you okay?" He patted his back.

"Yes, I am fine." He sputtered. "The coffee was hotter than I expected is all."

Sam dug into his salad. "Oh, okay." He said as he took a big mouthful of his food.

Dean rolled his eyes. "He got the salad you like too. Maybe he's just being nice." He mumbled

Castiel looked at the two brothers. He looked uncomfortable. He stood up. "I am going to take a shower and get comfortable."

"You don't shower." Dean stated.

The angel shrugged. "I am conserving my grace." He walked into the bathroom.

"Is Cas acting weird to you?" Dean asked

Sam chuckled. "I think he's embarrassed because we realized he likes you."

Dean let out a loud sigh. "He doesn't like me or love me. He isn't capable of those types of feelings."

He sighed. "Dean, surely you've noticed how's he's changed. He is certainly experiencing more emotions than he used to. Who's to say he hasn't fallen in love with you."

"Me, I say it!" He shouted. Frustration built. He wasn't worthy of the love of an angel and he remembered what Anna had told him angel felt nothing. Emotions were a human thing. Castiel couldn't feel them and if he did he probably didn't understand them. "He only… he only did those things to be nice because we are family. That's it. He is not in love with me."

Sam opened his mouth to speak when the bathroom door opened up. Castiel stood there his face was a mixture of emotions. "Cas?" Sam asked his tone concerned

Castiel looked at Dean. He let out a shuttered breath. "Sam, could you give us a moment?"

Sam looked at the two of them. "S-sure." He picked up his food. "I'll go out for a bit." He looked at Dean on his way out the door.

Dean felt the tension in the air. He looked at Castiel who glared at him with his dark blue eyes. Oh man, he messed up. He had forgotten that the angel had super hearing. He opened his mouth to speak but Castiel pulled out a chair and sat in front of him.

"You really think I am incapable of love?" He asked his voice quivered

He looked around. Castiel's intense gaze went right through him. He felt guilty for even questioning the angel's feelings. "Yes, I think you can't… love. Love is a human emotion," He was cut off by Castiel.

"Don't you dare tell me I can't feel love." He snipped at Dean. "There was a time many years ago when you first met me I couldn't have been able to process that emotion. It took me some time but I know I can feel it." He reached out and laid his hand on his knee. He spoke softly. "Dean, I was afraid to tell you." He stroked Dean's knee and maintained eye contact. "When I first laid my hand on your soul in Hell I felt something in me change." He sighed. "Being with you I can see the beauty in humanity. You helped change me, Dean, for the better." He smiled. "Dean, I love you. I assure you of that with all my heart."

Dean shook his head. His heart swelled with love and yet ached. There was no way. He wasn't worthy of Castiel's love. "No, you can't I'm just some guy. I am nothing special."

"You are special, Dean." He reached up and laid his hand on his face. "I just wish you would see it." Castiel leaned in.

Realization hit Dean like a ton of bricks. Castiel wanted to kiss him. He let out a soft gasp but didn't stop the angel. He wanted this almost as bad as Castiel did. He felt the angel's dry yet soft lips press against his full ones. A small moan escaped his lips. His hands moved on their own and grabbed the back of Castiel's head. He pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. His heart pounded in his chest as the two of them kissed.

Castiel pulled away from Dean which made the hunter let out a needy groan. "You need to eat your food is going to get cold." He pushed Dean's food closer to him.

Dean blinked. He had forgotten about his food. He picked up the burger and took a bite out of it. He offered Castiel a fry which he took. "Thanks for going to my favorite place and for… the, you know…"

"Are you thanking me for the kiss?" He asked.

He felt shame creep upon him. He was thanking Castiel for the kiss. He shook his head the feelings of unworthiness hit him again. Castiel has been alive for years. Seen everything take shape and here he was in love with a worthless hunter like him who drank too much and used to chase down one night stands like it was his job. "I… I think I am."

Castiel let out a sigh. "Dean," He started

"I know. I'm sorry. I… Cas, I am going to need to work on myself."

The angel laid a hand on his shoulder. "Dean, you are worthy of all the love in the world. With every part of my being, I love you and you deserve it."

He looked up at him. "I love you too." He blurted out. He chuckled. "Sorry, I… I wanted to make a speech like you did and here I am messing up the romance with," His words were lost in Castiel's mouth as the angel kissed him again. When they broke apart he chuckled again. "I guess you don't mind."

"Nope, I don't mind at all." He patted his leg. "I am just glad we are on the same page."

"Me too." He finished his food. "You know… sometime we should go on a proper date."

"I would like that, Dean."

Dean stood up. "Well, I am going to take a shower then hit the hay." He spotted the coat on the bed. He picked it up and handed it to Castiel. "Thanks for this. It really helped me sleep." He licked his lips. "I uh, helped me feel like you there and… it was comforting."

Castiel took his coat and smiled. "Glad it could help."

"Maybe, we could… maybe next time it can be you instead of a coat…"

He tilted his head in confusion.

He was preparing to backpedal from his statement. "I mean uh, we don't,"

"I would like to share a bed with you, Dean. I can banish any nightmares you have."

He laughed. "Okay, Cas." He smiled and gave the angel another kiss. "I love you." He said firmly. His heart filled with confidence.

"I love you too, Dean."

Dean smiled. He took the shower and came back out to see that Castiel had already turned down the sheets. He crawled into bed with the angel. He felt awkward but it passed very quickly when Castiel pulled him into his chest. He inhaled the smell of Castiel mixed with his body wash.

"Go to sleep, Dean." He stroked his hair.

Dean fell asleep very quickly and soundly. He missed Sam walking back into the motel room and muttering a "Finally." At the two of them as he walked by. And for the first time in years, Dean got a full night's sleep as his angel held him all night.


	29. Chapter 29

Spoilers for season 15 episode 2

We Are Real

Dean felt like everything was falling apart around him. Chuck had been jerking them around like puppets on the string. His life; Dean's whole life was nothing but a carefully scripted novel for Chuck's pleasures. All his pain and suffering just to amuse Chuck. He sighed. What was it all for then? All those lives put in danger just for God's amusement. All this time he thought Chuck was on their side. Now here they were dealing with Hell ghosts and working with a demon in Jack's body of all things. He knew the demon being in Jack's body upset Cas. Hell, it upset him but at this moment they needed him to deal with the ghosts. Cas… that was something else he wasn't prepared to deal with. He was still upset with him over him not telling him about Jack being soulless. He rubbed his arm. All this time he and Cas had been together, was it all a lie? Did Cas even love him? Did he even love Cas? Was it another one of Chuck's games to manipulate them? He was angry and confused about everything.

"Dean,"

He turned around to see Castiel there. He had to admit he was avoiding him. "Hey." He said softly

"Dean, I…" He sighed. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened with Jack and your mother,"

Dean cut him off. "Shut up." He glared at him. Anger boiled in his heart. What was the point in it? The love he felt for Castiel was fake. Just some sick game for Chuck.

"You are angry." He stated point-blank

"Hell yeah, I'm angry. I just found out that Chuck has been jerking us by our chain this whole time." He huffed. He was scared and angry. He wanted to punch something and he wanted to cry. He couldn't wrap his head around it. He didn't even trust his feelings anymore; what if they were also made up by Chuck? Was he still messing with them now? "Is any of this real? What is the point of all of it, Cas? Everything we have done is pointless."

Castiel let out a heavy sigh. "Dean, I understand how you feel. It… troubles me also but all the good you and Sam have done over the years wasn't for nothing."

"What is even real anymore, Cas?" He sighed.

"We are, we are real, Dean." Castiel said. He crossed the floor over to him. He stopped in front of him, he reached out to him and Dean backed away.

"Don't." He hissed

"Dean, please," His voice was heavy with sadness. "Don't do this to me."

His words hit him hard. He was upset with Castiel. Of course, he was but it was easier to pretend it was all fake than deal with the real anger and pain. "How can I know, Cas? How can I know that we are real? What if Chuck was just playing us, you know? What if he made me fall in love with an angel as a sick joke?"

He scrunched his face up in disgust. "How can you say that, Dean?" He scoffed. "Is our relationship really just something you can easily toss away?" He looked at him with his deep blue eyes. His expression was one of hurt. "I understand that you are angry, that you are upset with me, that you are lashing out because you are upset about Mary and about Jack, I am willing to overlook it as I have time and time again. I know you are hurting, Dean. I am too." He reached out and laid his hand on Dean's shoulder and this time Dean didn't move away. "I loved them as you did; Mary was like a mother to me and Jack was my… our son. I know that you learning that Chuck has been pulling your strings is terrible. I have spent the majority of my life being lead around by an absent father who wanted to control me. But he doesn't have to control us. We found free will. You showed me that, Dean." He slowly reached up and cupped Dean's face with his hands.

Dean thought about pulling away but he wanted this; no, he needed this. He almost melted in Castiel's touch. It had been far too long since they touched one another.

"You showed me that I make my own choices." He rubbed his thumbs on Dean's cheeks and Dean let out a soft content sigh. He stared into his eyes and spoke low. "Remember our first kiss?" He asked as he stared into his eyes.

"Yes." He breathed. "How could I ever forget it?" It had taken him so long to find the courage to tell Cas how he felt. He remembered it very clearly. He was about to face down Amara. He was going to be a human bomb and save everyone and he stopped to say goodbye to Castiel and the words tumbled out of his mouth. They kissed thinking their first kiss would be their last but Dean lived and he and Cas had been together ever since.

"I remember it. The joy I felt and the pain at the thought of losing you." Tears welled up in Castiel's eyes as he remembered his pain. "I was so afraid I would never be with you again. Dean, the feelings I feel for you are real." He breathed. "Chuck isn't a creative enough writer to write a love story like ours."

Dean couldn't help but chuckle at that. He leaned into Castiel's hands. He grasped one and pulled it to his lips and placed a tender kiss on his wrist. Castiel seemed to have a way to make him feel grounded even when he was upset. "You might be right, Cas." There was a lingering of doubt that was slowly flickering out as he was captured by Castiel's blue eyes. His heart pounded in his chest as the feeling of love washed over him. Chuck was gone. Chuck wasn't controlling this story anymore so did that mean his feelings for Cas were real? The pounding in his chest said yes. "Cas." He whispered.

The angel smiled. "Dean." He responded. He leaned in and captured the hunter's lips with his own

Dean suppressed a groan that bubbled to the surface. It had really been far too long since he laid his hands on his boyfriend. He wrapped his hand around the back of Castiel's neck and deepened the kiss.

At this moment all that mattered was the two of them. Who cared if Hell had been popped open? Who cared if Chuck was jerking their chains? All that mattered was he and Castiel; a hunter and angel who are deeply in love with one another.

Castiel broke the kiss and leaned in. "Forgive me, Dean. I am truly sorry for what had happened."

Dean felt a pang of grief in his chest. He looked into Castiel's eyes. "I… I am sorry I tried to kill our son." He shook his head. "Hell, I'm sorry for everything." Those words hung in the air. Dean sighed he was never one to apologize or talk about his feelings but it was time he apologized to Castiel for everything hurtful thing he had done to the angel.

"You are forgiven." He said softly. He took Dean's hand. "Come on, Dean. Let's go on patrol it will be nice to get out of this school for once."

Dean could still the strain in their relationship but they were on the pathway to healing. He walked with the angel through the school as reality set in; they still had a town full of ghosts to deal with. He tightened his grip on Castiel's hand as the town folk stared at them and muttered to one another. He looked at Castiel who smiled at him. They would find a way to fix this he just knew it. The path ahead may be dark and full of pain and misery but they would get through it as long as they had each other. The last shards of doubt faded. Dean now knew this was real. His feelings for Castiel were real there was no way they could be fake. At least now he knew there was one real thing in this messed up world they lived in.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Spoilers for episode 9 of season 15

Living on a Prayer

The dead leaves crunched under Dean's feet. His legs grew tired from walking in what felt like circles. "Cas!" He called out. He needed to find him he had to find the angel. His chest ached from fear and worry. He paused and leaned up against a tree. He choked back a sob. He had cried so much already. He had so much left to say to Cas. He licked his lips and looked at his watch. He had to get back to the rift Michael opened he was running out of time.

He rested his arm on the tree and his head the crook of his elbow. He sobbed. He felt like his soul was being ripped from his body. He had to leave Cas in Purgatory. If Cas was even still alive that is. He sobbed. What if Castiel was dead? What if he was searching for nothing? He sniffled. He had apologized to him and he meant it, but he still had so much to say. He licked his lips he started to open his mouth but he couldn't do it. "Coward." He said to himself. He dried his tears. He had to leave. Even if it was without Castiel he had to go.

The leaves crunched under him as he kept going. He looked around for any sign of the angel. "Cas!" He screamed. He knew that he was drawing attention to himself. He knew that the monsters of Purgatory could come running out any minute looking for a fight. He kept going forward. He had to get out. Sam and Eileen were in danger and neither knew they went to Purgatory to start with. If he got out and saved them maybe he could summon Michael and get him to reopen the portal so he could save Cas. He was doing a lot of hoping now.

He stumbled against a tree he could see the portal. He looked at his watch time was almost up. He closed his eyes and muttered. "Cas, buddy, I'm so sorry. I didn't want it to end like this I… I have so much left to say…" He swallowed hard. "Come on, Dean." He said to himself. He closed his eyes and began to speak. "Cas, I lo-"

"Dean!"

The words were forgotten lost in the wind and the dying ground. He turned so fast he almost made himself dizzy. "Cas!" he called out

"Dean, I'm here."

He spotted the figure by the tree. Injured but intact. "Cas!" He shouted. He ran up to his friend as the other man started to stand up. He wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. This was Cas. His body wanted to melt into Castiel's arms. "Did they take you to Eve?" He asked as he pulled away.

He shook his head. "We were en route when I saw this." He pulled out a Leviathan blossom. "It got a little squashed."

Dean smiled. He had Cas and the blossom. He looked into his blue eyes. "Cas, I need to tell you something,"

"I heard your prayer." He cut him off. "Let's go."

The two of them headed through the portal. Dean knew he wanted to say more to him. He watched him as they made the spell. Castiel's big blue eyes, his full lips, his long lashes; to Dean he was the full package. He mentally sighed. He wished he had the courage to outright fucking say what he wanted to. Castiel needed to know. Today was a close call. He almost lost him again. He had been battling with his feelings for years. He would work up the courage to tell him then whatever reason he would chicken out. He watched Castiel as the angel went to slice his hand for the spell.

"Are you sure?" He asked him

He looked up at him. "You have already bared the mark." He responded.

Dean felt his heart sink as he watched the blood drip into the bowl. What if Purgatory was his last chance? Cas was taking on the mark who knows how he will be afterward. Will he still be Cas? "Cas," he started

The angel looked at him; his head tilted he held the ball in his hand that was the spell. "We need to go and end this." He placed the object in his hand. "You or Sam need to break this to complete the spell."

Dean took it. It felt heavy like his regrets for withholding his feelings for Castiel. No, he had to save Sam and stop Chuck then he could confess to Castiel.

Dean stared at his drink. They were back at the Bunker. They didn't trap Chuck and now Sam was saying goodbye to Eileen. He looked over at Castiel who stared at his own drink. His face unreadable. He opened his mouth to speak when Sam walked into the kitchen. Dean looked up at his little brother. Sam looked defeated. It broke his heart he hadn't seen him this depressed in a while.

"I'm sorry." Sam started. "I believed what Chuck showed me and… I don't regret my decision."

He had made a promise to himself after the prayer to Castiel to work on his anger. He nodded at his brother. "That's good enough for me."

Sam smiled faintly. He looked over at Castiel and smiled again. "I'm going to turn in. It's been a long day." He patted Castiel on the shoulder as he walked out of the kitchen.

Dean frowned. Whatever Chuck had shown Sam it must have been bad. He wanted to talk to him about it but it could wait until Sam was ready. He wasn't going to force him to relive it so soon. His eyes fell on Castiel. "I…"

The angel looked at him. His face bore an expression of love and admiration. Dean's heart leaped to his throat. How can one person hold so much on him with one look?

"I am glad you didn't have to take on the mark of Cain." He said which wasn't what he was going to say originally

He nodded. "As am I. I…" he rubbed his arm. "I might have been able to hold it off for a few years but…" he sighed. "Dean, I would eventually succumb to it… I wouldn't have wanted you to see that."

He nodded. "Yeah… maybe Sam is right. We can't kill Chuck or trap him." He sighed. "We'll figure it out. We always do." He felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder.

"I umm, accept your apology." Dean could see him blush somewhat.

He rested his hand on Castiel's on his shoulder. "Good, because I was a dick and I know that I didn't mean to lash out it just happens."

"I… I got the sense that you had more to tell me." Castiel lead him up to the conversation. "I had thought that you had wanted to apologize in person but I could sense you're longing to say something else."

Dean looked at the hand on his shoulder. He picked up his drink and drunk it in one shot. "Cas, I…" he sighed. "Why is this so hard?" he shook his head. "Cas, I love you." He grumbled it out feeling as though the words didn't want to come out of his mouth. "That's what I wanted to tell you. Hell, I wanted to tell you for a long time but I was afraid of… I don't know but you deserve to know. I love you."

He smiled. "Dean, I,"

"And before we have any confusion I mean I am in love with you, okay?"

Castiel got up from his chair. Dean had a flash of fear of rejection when the angel got closer to him. He cupped his face. Dean forgot how to breathe as Castiel sat on his lap.

"Cas, what are you do-"Words were cut off as Castiel laid his lips on his. Dean's eyes shot open unsure of what to do. His body finally relaxed. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Castiel's large frame. They sat in the chair like that exchanging kisses back and forth. Dean's heart melted. He could feel his love pouring through for Castiel. The angel moaned in his mouth. Their mouths parted as they kissed. It was the hottest kiss Dean had ever had in his life.

The angel pulled away first. His mouth mere inches from his. "I love you too, Dean." He sighed. He rested his head on Dean's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his waist. "I have loved you for so long now."

Dean blinked. He nestled his face in Castiel's hair. "I love you, Castiel." He said again. His heart felt lighter like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "I love you so much."

Castiel lifted his head and looked into his eyes. "So, what now?" he asked his face red-tinted.

He held his face. "What do you want?" He asked.

He smiled. "I want to be with you forever, Dean." He said. He looked away as sadness crossed his face. Forever had two different meanings for them since one was a human and one was an angel. Hell, they may not even survive this whole thing with Chuck. Castiel kissed his cheek. "Forever," He said softly.

Dean sighed. "I can't promise forever but, how about we make the most out of the time we do have?" He suggested.

"Sounds good, Dean." He climbed off of his lap and held out his hand for him.

Dean took his hand and he stood up. He immediately wrapped his arms around Castiel and covered his lips with his own. Now that he had him he didn't want to let go. He kissed him. He kissed away all the fears and doubts they both had. If Castiel wanted forever he would do his best to give him forever. Dean nodded towards the hall where their rooms were. "Want to continue this in private?" he asked

Castiel smiled. "I thought you would never ask." He said with a wink. The angel wrapped his arm around Dean protectively.

Dean looked up at Castiel as they walked down the hall. He felt hopeful. They could do it they could beat Chuck and Dean could give Castiel forever. He opened his bedroom door. Castiel picked him up and carried him into the room. They covered each other in kisses. The night was theirs. This was a moment eleven years in the making and Dean couldn't wait to experience all of it. He would make this moment and this love last forever somehow.


	31. Chapter 31

Spoilers for season 15, episode 13

Almost Never

Castiel frowned at the beer bottle sitting on the table. He was tired. It was a long day, he had dealt with the Empty, fought demons, nearly died… he had a right to be tired. He sipped on the drink in front of him. He was determined to enjoy his beer then he was going to head to his room and sink into Netflix. He had a lot going on in his mind. He was worried about Jack, he was worried about fighting Chuck, he was worried about all of it but he was too tired to care at the moment. He heard footfalls heading towards him. He looked up to see Dean standing in the door. Though it wasn't his Dean it was the other world Dean.

"Hello, Dean." He greeted him

The dapper version of Dean smiled fondly at him. "Hello, Castiel."

Castiel briefly wondered what it would be like if his Dean dressed like that. He loved Dean in flannel but a nicely dressed Dean would be nice to see. Though seeing would be all he'd be doing. He gripped the bottle tightly. He should know better than to have thoughts like that. He couldn't have Dean, he wouldn't have Dean. He didn't know how to express his desires for the man and never mind the fear of rejection. Dean rejecting him would hurt so bad he wasn't sure he would live afterward.

"May I join you?"

"Sure." Castiel said with a nod

The other Dean got a bottle of beer and joined him at the table. He removed the cap and took a sip. "Don't tell my brother but I'm starting to like the taste of this stuff." He chuckled.

"Your secret is safe with me." He watched the other Dean sip on his drink. "I… I was wondering…"

He raised his eyebrow at him. "If there was another Castiel in my world?"

"Y-yes, I was curious about it."

He sat down the bottle and sighed. "Yes…" he stared at the floor and whispered. "I miss him terribly." He looked over at him.

"What happened to him?"

"He returned to heaven. He didn't come back after that." He played with his bottle. "One of my biggest disappointments." He licked his lips. "You see dad doesn't want us to have a lot of relationships. We are always busy with work and so on and so forth and I couldn't give my Cas the attention he deserved. So…"

Castiel almost choked on his beer. "I, I mean he dumped you?"

He chuckled. "He did. He said to me 'it isn't you, it's me.' You know that type of thing." He shook his head. He slowly reached out to Castiel and took his hand. "Though… there's no reason I can't pick up where I left off with another Castiel." He said with a wink

"I uh," He felt his face heat up. "I mean, I uh,"

"Oh, are you and this Dean dating? I'll back off then." He went to move and Castiel gripped his hand.

"No, I mean, me and Dean aren't together." He sighed. The weight of those words hit him. Why should he wait for a man who may never love him when he can have his look-alike? No… it felt wrong somehow.

Dean smirked. "Good to hear, sweetheart." He reached up and grasped his face and cradled it in his hands. "Castiel… it's so good to touch you again." He leaned in to place his lips on his. "I missed you so much."

Castiel's heart beat faster in anticipation. He couldn't believe it he was going to kiss Dean at long last. "Dean," He moaned. "I have wanted this for so long…" He leaned forward eager to capture his lips with his own.

"What the fuck!"

Castiel almost fell out of his chair when he heard Dean shout… his Dean that is. His moment with the other Dean gone forever. He turned to see his Dean standing in the door glaring at them. Well more like glaring at the other Dean.

Dean his Dean stomped across the floor and shoved the other Dean away from Castiel. "The hell do you think you're doing!" He demanded

"Dean!" Castiel shouted at him. He glared at him. Why was Dean so mad? He didn't love Castiel like he loved him so why be so angry?

The other Dean dusted off his clothes. "I was going to kiss Castiel. Why does it matter to you? It's not like you two are a couple."

Castiel watched Dean's face turn red. "I, well, I." Dean stammered

"I miss my own Cas so much." The other Dean said with a sigh. "I wanted to recapture what I had lost. Maybe start over with this Cas."

"No!" Dean shouted.

Everyone turned to him. He blushed and sighed. Dean looked at Castiel and frowned. "I… Cas," He sighed. "It's not what you think." He said to the other version of himself. He sighed. "I… I love Cas too."

Castiel's mouth fell open. "What?" Did Dean really just say that? Dean loves him too?

"I just never…" He looked at Castiel. "I'm sorry, buddy. I just never had the courage to admit it. I love you a lot." He laid his hand on his shoulder.

"You do?" Castiel heard the other Dean say something and he slipped out of the room.

"I do… Cas, I've felt this way for a long time and seeing him… or me that not me with you pissed me off." He reached up and touched his cheek. "The only version of me I want with you is me…" He laughed. "That sounded so stupid." He shook his head.

"I love you too, Dean." He said. He smiled at him feeling a warmth wash over him. He was going to lecture him about Dean being territorial but what could he say? He more than a few times felt jealous when Dean would have some random hook up.

Dean smiled and pulled him closer to him and placed a kiss on his lips. The two swapped kisses back and forth. Castiel pushed Dean up against the wall and raided his mouth with his tongue and Dean let him. He was practically putty in his hands. When they finally broke apart for air Dean was gasping.

"Wow, I didn't realize you felt that way." Dean chuckled.

"Oh, Dean, I feel all sorts of ways for you." He whispered in his ear.

Dean licked his lips and blushed. "You want to continue this in my room?" He asked his tone hopeful

"Yes please." Castiel said. He took his hand and walked down the hall to his room. His heart was full of emotions. He couldn't believe it he finally got his Dean.


	32. Chapter 32

More Than He Bargained For

Sam laid asleep on the too firm bed of the motel room. It had been a long hunt, a hard hunt. It was supposed to have been a simple bread run but it turned into a two-day hunt. It was never something as so simple as burn one set of bones. It was always something else. They were too tired to consider driving back home. Castiel had offered to drive them home but Dean had insisted the angel rest as well.

Sam rolled over he was in his sleep. He was awoken by a mumbling noise. He slowly opened his eyes to the dark room. He frowned. He had gotten used to the comfort of the bunker he had a hard time sleeping in dingy motel rooms now. He sighed. The room was completely dark he could barely make out the darkness that was Dean in his bed. He heard the mumbling noise again. Dean was probably having a nightmare.

He debated waking up his brother. It would be easy to do but he risked getting shot in the face if he did it. He weighed his options when Dean let out something that sounded like a moan… a pleasured moan. Oh, dear, Chuck! Dean was having a dirty dream. He felt his face grow hot. This of course wasn't the first for him… and he knew Dean had been on the other end of this situation as well. They were both red-blooded young men that had… urges.

He needed to wake him up. He didn't want to hear this. It was like an invasion of privacy. Then Dean groaned out one word. "Cas."

Sam tried to stop himself from laughing. Dean was having a dream about Cas. He had often thought something was going on between his brother and the angel. He made a mental note. Maybe this episode will be enough to get Dean off his ass and confess his feelings for Castiel.

There was a sound of the other bed shifting followed by a very soft. "Dean."

Sam never turned on a lamp so damn fast in his life. He wasn't even going to lay there and pretend to be asleep while Dean was busy getting his rocks off. Hell no!

"Dude! What the hell!" Dean demanded. There he was laying in bed with Castiel on top of him. Dean glared daggers at him while Castiel just looked confused.

He scoffed. "Seriously? Dean? You're two are going to screw while I'm in the room?"

Dean looked at Castiel and Castiel tilted his head at him. "N-no." Dean said. He sounded embarrassed as well as he should be.

Castiel looked at Sam. "We had no intentions of 'screwing'." Castiel air-quoted the word screwing without actually using his hands and Sam was impressed. "I was only comforting Dean. He was having a hard time getting to sleep."

"So you crawled on top of him?" Sam asked. He balked at the angel did he really not see how weird this was? "You don't get on top of them to comfort them, Cas."

The angle blushed the deepest red Sam had ever seen. "Well, uh, my intentions were, ahem pure… at the time." He looked down at Dean and rolled onto his side. "I… got carried away. I suppose." He mumbled

Dean rolled his eyes. "I'd say." He laughed

Sam frowned at him. "And you're with this, Dean?" Dean was not the sort of person who wore his emotions on his sleeve. He was private with many things and his personal space rule he had set years ago. Of course, he had seen Castiel break that rule over and over with very little complaint from Dean. But almost dry humping him and kissing him. The Dean Sam knew wouldn't have been okay with that. Or was he? Maybe this was a new Dean.

Dean looked over at him. "Yeah, he's my boyfriend."

"He's your what?"

"My boyfriend? What you going deaf on me, Sammy?"

"When? How?"

"When a few months back." Dean said

"Did you not notice the change in our behavior? I thought it was obvious." Castiel bemused

Dean shrugged. "Mom noticed, and so did Jack." He looked at Castiel. "Guess Sam isn't as smart as I thought." The angel laughed and Dean looked at Sam. "As for how. Now when a man and an angel love each other very much."

"Dean." Both of them said and rolled their eyes.

Sam shook his head. "Months, this has been going on for months? Mom knows? And Jack?"

"And Rowena." Castiel added

"Seriously? You told Rowena but you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't think it needed telling." Dean said with another shrug. Sam was ready to thump his brother across the head if he shrugged one more damn time. "Like I said, I figured you noticed. We weren't exactly subtle."

Sam scoffed. "I can't believe you guys didn't tell me."

"It was not our intention to hide it." Castiel said. He leaned over Dean's shoulder. Dean planted a kiss on the angel's cheek. "I didn't think it was necessary to announce that I had been having sexual relations with your brother."

"Wow, Cas, don't scar Sam." Dean said. He shook his head. "Bad enough you probably traumatized mom."

"All I said to her was that I enjoyed your company and the sex. I didn't expect her to react like that." Castiel glared at Dean

"You don't tell a mother you are banging their child, okay? You just tell them that you are dating their child and let them figure out the rest on their own."

"Oh my god." Sam said. He rubbed his face with his hands. "You two are too much."

"Can we go back to trying to sleep?" Dean asked sarcastically. "We got a long drive until we get back home and I would at least like to get some sleep."

"That depends are you two going to start humping like rabbits once I turn out the light?" Sam asked

Dean chuckled. "No promises, Sammy."

Sam groaned in annoyance. "Do I need to sleep in the Impala?"

Dean looked at Castiel with a big grin on his face. "Does he, Cas?"

Castiel looked at Dean then at Sam. "N-no… I am terribly sorry for uh, this… issue." He was beet red again

Sam sighed. "Don't… Cas, don't be embarrassed okay. I don't care that you and Dean are… you know, getting it on. Just don't do it when I'm in the same room." He reached for the light switch. "And don't tell me about it either, please, I don't need that mental image in my head."

"Oh, it's already there, Sammy. I can tell." Dean teased

"Stop it or I'll make you sleep in the car."

He laughed. "Good night, Sammy." Dean rolled over and buried his face in Castiel's chest.

Castiel looked at Sam his face still red. He wrapped his arms protectively around Dean and Sam had to admit it was cute. "Good night, Sam."

"Good night, Dean, Cas." He turned off the light switch and made a silent prayer to whoever listening that the two of them would behave themselves throughout the night. He closed his eyes when he heard.

"I promise, Sam, I will behave myself." Castiel said from across the room

Sam rolled his eyes. At least someone was listening to him.


End file.
